Virginity in 30s

See this is the Problem: 1. you take it as an insult. 2. you pressume i dont have such experinces, cause i dont write things that you think one "should write" when one have had such experinces: in fact it doesnt come in your mind that i lived exactly what you describe as well, why? because i dont write what you expect? poor reasoning. 3. you call me a troll: and you think only because im not (bragging?) about my success i cant be real? Ever heard about mistaking the messenger with the message? maybe i dont have success, does this allready oblige me to be silent? is this how we discuss? appreciation or silence? 4. Sorry for not being honest in my profile, i allways found it wrong to deliver to much personal informations in the internet but actually im 41. 5. I know its a pain in the ass to be told as a victim that one shouldnt "play" the victim card. It feels wrong cause usualy people dont simply "play" this card, they ARE actually victims. The sad thing is: it doesnt help. It doesnt help to get out of the shitty situation that is i.e. the topic of this thread. Yes i know that from MYSELF.

Honestly i would find it really wrong when victims begin to make some sort of dick length comparrison like: my destiny was shittier then thine. shall i begin to tell now how much my childhood sucked? cause yes of course i dont have my shit together, did i said anything like this? shall i begin to tell about friends being dead cause they killed themselves, about my own suicidal tendencies that i have had, shall i talk about depression, drugs, borderline, about drinking and anxiety disorder? And how would you know that its true?

What is true is: i know that one cant overcome a sad destiny by letting it define who you are, as easy as it sounds on the paper, as dificult it is in real life - i know for sure. But its like this. Point. Your answer illustrates this very well: its a complete focus on "look how much dificulties i have had, you cant understand me, etc pp" quite stereotype. Sorry, i actually wanna help.
Did you ever do sports? a good coach dont tell you only: well done, when you did ten push ups, no, at least here and there he yells at you: "one more, one more" he wants you to overcome your limits, so that you enter a new level, that you do, what seemed to be impossible. This wont work if he would only tell you: "you did well so far, you poor one, i can understand that you are tired now, lets have some rest."

 

And an extra message on the implication that i said "it was your fault". I never said it. and i wont, because nothing any guy here suffers was his fault, at least not in childhood. I actually dont get it why you say this, are you sure you talking to me? thats some sor of strawman-argumentation...however: I dont blame people for being a victim, that would be cynical, in fact i blame them for nothing, all i say is that it is NOT helpfull to be stuck into this identity. And im not talking about how dificult it is to get out of it. Sure it is: and now? shall we repeat it til the end of all days? WHAT does it help (when you wanna re-wire)?

The original topic is: being a virgin. The implication is "getting deflorated"... you wont get it, as long as you focus on what i did call "victim-role". Dont blame me for that (as i said: messenger/message problem).

We allways exclude certain possibilities in our lives, though they are there. But we dont "allow" them to be there, to be possible. We reduce our possibilities even before we do make the first decisions. So we limit the spectrum of things we could do, before we even move one little finger. This is how we usually give "changing" a try out. And thats why it doesnt work. Because we did exclude too much ("no its impossible", "its not ethical", "im not like that" etc). Again im not talking about "the good reasons" people have to stay who, and where, they are. Sure they do have them. But they are as well the reasons why they wont get what they desire. Thats all. I was talking lately to a guy over 30 who said he never have had a girlfriend. well he lives at home: at mums place. I told him 99 percent of all women find that creepy (in this age). He said he knows it, but "mum needs him". Well.....

 

I'm not blaming you for anything. I'm merely calling out your post as unhelpful especially when it appeared to me that you had no experience on this issue yet presumed to know about people's problems. If you did have experience, then why didn't you say so and be more honest about your age, and therefore increase your credibility? Is your life so sacred that you can't even tell people your true age? Are you embarrassed to mention that you were a virgin in your 30s and possibly abused like others as well? Why are you hiding and what are you ashamed of? It's clear that you're afraid or you'd be honest and up front about everything. Hiding and pretending is a common coping strategy. People are afraid to say certain things when they lack courage. Honesty is the best cure for that.

Yes. Tell me about those things. When you mention those, I am able to experience empathy and can take your advice to heart. If I knew that and knew how far you'd come since then, we'd be having a much different conversation here. That's what people mean when they say "keep it real". If you can't keep it real even when you're using a fake name, a fake age, on an anonymous message board, then I feel sorry for you. How is it that you even trust that others are keeping an honest counter? We have no choice but to assume people are honest. If we can't even talk about those things, then they have power over us. Someone who has truly overcome his fucked up past is not afraid, nor ashamed, nor fears, nor cares about the crap that happened to him in the past. He has made his peace with it and lives completely in the present. Unfortunately, many of us are not quite there yet. But that doesn't mean we don't want to be there.

The same way you tell me that I don't know your situation, you also don't know mine and many other people like me. Read your original post and tell me honestly that it's not assuming things about others. I probably should have just kept quiet and ignored it, but I wanted to try something different that could possibly lead to growth and now I am growing...

No one is saying to remain a victim or to have a victim mentality. I'm sure everyone wants to get out of that but I felt you were assuming things about people and so I challenged your assumptions. I'm glad you reacted to it because it means it bothers you and that you have a conscience.

Maybe I shouldn't have written some of the things I did, but I don't regret them because now I know something about the real you and I can interpret what you write in the correct perspective. Feeling awkward and misunderstood is a small price to pay for the opportunity to grow as a better person.

 

You overinterpret: it has nothing to do with shame etc if one acts anonymous in the internet. In fact its quite reasonable. I appreciate honesty as a value, but its not honest to come up in a public space with very personal things that are btw as well things that are legal issues (cause we i.e. spoke about rape we spoke about drugs) - its naive. Is it really clever to mention such stuff in the net? the internet forgets nothing, think about it. When i did create this account i wanted to use the board - i didnt spend one second about "how my profile looks like" etc. For what? You anyway NEVER would know if the stuff is true. NEVER. I mean: all you do is some sort of ad hominen: you try to look for things that sound as if im not trustworthy or something. Good why not. But isnt this as well maybe a coping strategy? To i.e. avoid having a look at the things i said, completly independent from my person? A person you probably never will get to know? You call me a troll, an attention seeker, you come up with things like even "real name" (Brahmacharin - really?) as if someone in our age doesnt know that i.e. personal departements google your name when you apply for a job... just saying....

No, i wont tell my personal story, neither the parts that sound like a success, nor those where i am a victim: if you need this, ask yourself why? against what do you immunize yourself with this demand? And btw. there is a reason why i mentioned the things i mentioned: anxiety disorder, drugs, suicidal tendencies etc. guess what this reason is? ;-)
May i ask why empathy is something you can only show if someone gives you the impression he did suffer? something that would lack any prove? Is all you need a couple of phrases in which someone you dont know tells you how much his life was (and maybe still is) hell?
What i sense in your answers is an unability to imagine that one could come to the conclusions i came with a comparable background: as if anyone who havent had luck in his life is supposed to sound the same, and if he doesnt he is anyway a troll, an attention-seeker etc pp.
I dont say i know YOUR exact situation, in fact you attack me personally, i did make a general statement about kicking ones own ass, giving up a certain self-concept that is contraproductive if you wanna get laid. Thats all. But i have some experience under my belt, and thats why i can talk (in a generalizing way) about how much it helps to stick to this identity of being a victim, or about people over 30 being virgins, or about the general problem of changing life.

Because, yes, we are individuals, i give you that one. But being an individual doesnt mean one cant still compare: otherwise such a message board would be useless and we all would drown in our narcistic "im so special, no-one-ever-will-understand-me" pool of self-pitty.

I btw am aware of it that no one is suggesting that "i wanna be a victim for my lifetime". Obviously not. But then again i can see the reactions and thats sas well quite telling ;-)

 

Your underlying passive aggressive sarcasm aside, I'd rather be "fake" to get what I want than to "be myself" and get nothing because clearly in the past being myself hasn't worked out that well.

I wouldn't even call it being fake, I'd call it an exercise in bettering ones identity.

 

I respectfully disagree: an advice must not necessarly come from someone who "lived the problem". If you wanna have some soulstriptease i i.e. did a therapy, because of (among other things) depression and anxiety disorder. As far as i know my therapist havent had these issues. But he have had what you call empathy. He have had experience. He have had education and skills. And all of this counts. It actually sometimes counts even more, because making an experience doesnt mean that you do allready learn your leasons.

I`ve been drug addicted too in my early twenties and the last people from which i took advices was addicts themselves. Cause often the people that did make the same experience - or are in the same situation - arent able to get out of the sad situation because they base everything on the wrong assumptions. What makes them really a bad choice as "consultants".

Yes i do have a problem trusting people. I think i gave clear hints above, i mean i wrote for a reason: MY suicidal tendencies...you see? But there is a limit for so-called honesty. To each its own, for me there is no necessity to present my innerself to complete strangers; giving informations to a medium (the internet) that i cant control (future perspective). That has nothing to do with being not honest. But being safe. I mean a lot of things people discuss here are general problems of humans, shall say, one can discuss them without a permanent reference on ones own history. But see we discuss meanwhile more "who i am" instead of talking about the original topic and i find this quite telling, cause this is what often happens when someone breaks the unspoken rules most discussion do have as their assumptions. Cause there are allways silent agreements. And if someone comes up with ideas that dont fit to them, he will be critized, not the ideas (that was what i meant with messenger and message). The idea is then usualy just ignored or called "wrong".
So it is in politics quite often (im leftist, but let me make the example: here, where i live, if someone critizes imigration he is fast called a rascist. the whole debate will only deal with the question if he actually is one or not, not with the question if his thoughts have been right or wrong. Im so to say the rascist here).

So in fact you have two things: i dont use my correct age and my real name....good. And now? seriously, what does it help when we remember what the original topic was?

Besides i did gave personal details, i maybe didnt write a whole book, but who sets the rules? What do you need more then the things i mentioned like i.e. borderline and drugs to get (assuming you believe me) that my life wasnt exactly fun?

The idea of credibility is as understandable as problematic: cause its us who choses "who has credibility or not", mosttimes unaware how much this is a relative easy way for us to stay in our comfortzone and to only deal with people that are as we are ourselves. When you use words like empathy then be aware of it that the challenge is to understand OTHER people: not a copy of oneself. When you only immunize yourself against what they are saying, you aint have that much compassion as you maybe think...

Look the original topic was: getting fucked!!! Yes thats what its all about. at least here: not intimacy, not love etc. But good old SEX.

I said that, following my experience, people dont try enough. Examples: 1. Guy A. We lived together in a collocation when we have been student. He was in his midtwenties. He went back home (mum) each weekend. With his clothes - so that she can wash it. He never stayed in our studentshouse. but complained about girls not being there for him; yes a harcoreporn consumer. A living clichee, pale, geeky classes, shitty clothes, no sports, student of physics... He didnt try anything, for him it was like as if the girl should knock at his door. Perfect example for complete passivity, and for fullfilling stereotypes. At least judged from the outside there have been hundreds of possibilities (its been a big city etc). 2. Guy B. I was with him the night a prostitute took his virginity and hundreds of euros. he was 28 that day. later he even bragged with her, like he picked her up - pathetic. He was allways having privileges - never been able to use them though. He was working i.e. for his Father: complete security: 5000 euro netto the month, a car etc he still lived in their place. Yes: mama again. They even gave him a flat abroad, directly at the university. I have had once to nearly force him that we spend a weekend there. I couldnt believe it. What a chance!!! He missed it. When i introduced him to cute early 20 girls it was never good enough and he wasnt even able to talk normal with them, but now he is under complete control of a woman that is more then 10 years older then him and not exactly how you imagine your average 21 hottie ;-) (the kind of girl he expected to be with).

What guys often think is that those who have a sexlife dont experience fears, or defeats. All just works perfect - so is the illusion. They cant imagine that the guys who sleep with a lot of girls i.e. as well went through long times of "trial and error" (but simply have been able to accept this hard challenge). Actually most guys i did get to know like that have been like my two examples: shall say they didnt move their ass, and did let possibilites pass, direct in front of their hands. In fact most of them even didnt have had that much of obvious traumatas, those who have suffered things we discussed here finally succeded still faster....

When i i.e. said it needs more then buying a new shirt i meant that sometimes it can include things like moving abroad etc where we have the possibility to give us a new start (no one knows us etc). I did it. I lived allready in two different countries that arent the country in which i was born. Honestly: the differences concerning the way people deal with topics like flirting have been a motivation too. And why not? I live now in a country where i.e. the girls are very direct too. They approach you in a way like where i was born even the guys dont do it (cause we`re normaly very shy). I meant such BIGGER steps and decisions.

This idea come i.e. up when i read here from one of the guys he lives kinda in the backwoods. Good. Do you have to? is there a gun at your head that will blow away your brain when you decide to leave that place? Probably not....these are the things i meant.

The point is that some people expect adviced to look like that sort of mentality that they anyway do have allready. But the advice is then not an advices, its just a sequel to the same misery. If those who are virgins in their 30 would be so right with their assumptions, would tehy then still be it? do you guys get me? The thing is that often your whole thinking is actually simply wrong. But you call those wrong that tell you this - while you clearly want advices.

What i meant with the victim-role should be clear. It doesnt help. It btw as well doesnt help to overcome addiction. I gave up drugs and smoking. If i would have focused on all the shit that did make me a drinker, pothead acidfreak i probably still would (ab-)use it. But my experience with ie virgins is that they usualy think "they get it all" - while the simple fact of being a virgin is a clear proof that they dont. They i.e often either demonize women, or put them on a podest. Nothing in between. They have a wrong self-perception (most i did get to know call themselves attractive, but if you are attractive or not is nothing you decide, its the women - when you dont get women you arent attractive, point). They want it the easy way: shall say they litteraly (like these two guys) dont move their ass. But when they are critized then they tell you "no i work hard on me" and show you a book from the newest motivation trainer in which they read 10 pages. wow. I mean i do have i.e. a lot of arabic friends, a culture that produces by definition a LOT of male virgins in that age, and all of them want it the easy way: they either want the old systems back where you simply did get a girl, no matter who you are, or search their saviour between the legs of prostitutes.... Usually as well society is for them to blame (what is of course not simply wrong) or the women (they "discriminate" them etc.)

Just some examples and impressions.... Allways the guys think they did allready enough, and now its the womens turn, or lifes turn or societies turn... and thats what i meant when i wrote "i do have news for you..."cause its not their turn, and chances are you actually really didnt try enough - you just tried things that have been undiscovered territories within your comfortzone, instead of leaving it completly. Its up to the reader if this fits his situation or not. Im not saying this is exactly what describes everyones destiny - it cant be it. But i have had to lean it as well the hard way, i was long surrounded by such kind of guys, and yes there are such stereotypes like i meant it with the victimcard.

 

Very true. Its actually not that easy to distinguish what is fake and real, cause those are categories that describe a reality that is pretty much a continuum. Its actually part of our nature to fake things, to wear a mask. Its not simply bad. Lets imaging people actually really wouldnt do it? sure "you" (general you) want it? im sure i dont want it....

 

Man, i think that every virgin in his mid 20-30's should immediately quit forever PMO without looking back for the rest of his life.

 

I agree. Porn shapes your perception of sex even if you actually do have a sex-life, or if you have been deflorated before you watched your first porn, but the impact it must have when you see it before you have had your first sex is horrible (not to talk about porn-addiction). Its a crime against the youth....

 

Let me clarify. A therapist can certainly help even though he doesn't have the experience but that's because of his specialized training and so he understands the patient's experiences. A non-therapist without the experience can still provide sound advice, but the patient is unlikely to accept it because he won't be thinking logically. If he did, he probably wouldn't have the problem to begin with. Sound reasoning will do little to persuade so using an approach that appeals more to the person would likely be more effective. I don't know, but do non-alcoholics (non-therapists) even give out advice at AA meetings? Would an alcoholic even care if a non-alcoholic gave him advice to change?

The idea is that using a pseudo-name means that identity is protected. Sure, someone can still trace IP addresses but I'm skeptical that anyone would be interested in doing that for the people who gravitate to this forum. Therefore, at least how I see it, as long as identity is protected I am free to act as I really am without any fear of persecution. I feel free to share my age, experiences, problems, etc... because no one knows who I am. If they did know, well, maybe I wouldn't share some things but I still don't believe my life is that important to others. I'd actually be surprised if someone cared enough to know who I was. For myself, I don't see a limit because I'm usually ignorant on what the social customs should be. I probably need to practice socializing more.

That's true. But change comes from myself and no one else can change me except for me. Therefore it is clear that whatever happens to have a strong influence on me is a very powerful tool. If an emotional or an ethical appeal is more convincing that a strictly logical argument, then what is the harm in it especially if there are benefits in changing? Many NoFap members like to post quotes and one can argue that some of these quotes are not really logical statements but they certainly inspire. In the end, it only matters if it will convince one to want to change. All the science and logic in the world are useless if the addict is not convinced.

I think it's clear that survivors of abuse usually don't have much in the way of empathy or compassion. When you grow up in a dysfunctional environment, everyday problems are always about physical harm, violence, drugs, and life and death situations. So I learned how to deal with those situations and not what a typical person deals with. Average everyday families don't usually deal with such things. When I see acquaintances of mine feeling hurt because they couldn't agree on a restaurant to eat at or because someone raised their voice at them, I practically laugh. I know it's wrong, but I am unable to empathize. Why are they so hurt over not getting their choice or someone raising their voice at them? I can't feel anything for them even when I want to. I've only been concerned with survival most of the time so anything below that gets mentally classified as not important. But if the person was someone with problems like my own, then I can empathize and I need to have more practice with this so I can learn to understand "regular" people.

I understand the victim mentality and getting stuck there. I don't believe change can happen if one is passive but I also don't think one should be foolish either. What sometimes bothers me is this idea of going from someone having severe anxiety or panic or some other unresolved trauma to just going out to start having sex. I think it may possibly cause more issues in the long run if one is not recovered. Of course, some will say that it's just an excuse to not do anything. And I am sure there are some who are putting excuses if they are not constantly working on resolving trauma so that it's easier for them to go out and meet people. I don't know exactly where I am right now with this so it's probably a good idea to get a therapist's opinion.

 

I agree fully with all that you wrote. In fact, i understand why you say you find some problems laughable. Me too. But then again i discovered that quite often in the background of such "luxury problems" are hidden conflicts that can easily compete with issues we did mention allready in our discussion. In fact: the guys i did describe - and not only them - do have exactly such a background. They dont come from families that are in a very obvious way shattered and broken. But i am meanwhile pretty sure that if one would dig deep enough one could find a lot that could be easily described with categories of psychological illness...
My experience with such people is that they usually are simply better in "functioning"; shall say they 1. manage it better to uphold the social mask and the material base. If i look at those (from my old life) that killed themselves or ended as junkies we actually would find quite a lot of kids from a "good family"... And since on this forum women are so often a topic: i do have the impression that the female sex is as well a sex that can easier pretend that "everything is fine" while allready all hell broke lose. While guys with big issues often allready do have a weird appearance girls dont. They can have that perfect smile and looks and only three days later you realize that behind this perfect mask is a complete mess...often impressed me!
I as well agree that going from one extreme to the other is wrong!!! Besides it surely wont work in most cases and even if so: it easily prepares the next down. In fact i do think that this is btw a challenge for those no-fapsters that are into it only to finally get some women. You guys are on the wrong way! You only try to live what you saw into porn by not watching porn anymore!! Getting laid doesnt imply getting lucky. And some guys actually watch porn AND get laid. They are successfull in a superficial way. Nymphomaniacs. But not at peace with themselves.
No, a traumatized person needs small steps out of the dark. But it as well shouldnt make a fetish out of these small steps: this is what i often saw... one achives something that is worth to gratulate oneself and then its done. While there is so much more you can do!!! And you can!!! Thats why i gave that sport-coach-analogy in one of my postings: it allways astonishes how far we actually can go if we give up our bias to know what is impossible, what is our limit etc pp.

I think traumatized people have NO need to participate into the meat-market: cause its cold there, it will hurt. One would replace one hell with another one. But one can learn from its rules, cause unfortunatley even if you look "only" for an authentic relationship chances are you achieve it with skills you would need as well if you wanna be the typical "i try to get laid each weekend" kind-of-guy. All in all the stuff is pretty much comon-sense, we all know it (self-esteem, humor, dont be needy, dont be touchy blabla - no big deal) we just have to practice it. And THE problem is usually exactly the latter: practice. Cause mosttimes we know what to do, far long before we actually act. And what blockades us to finally do the step is not to the smallest our self-concept: what we learn who we are (and traumatizations are a way to learn: a stigma). I mean im pretty sure that actually A LOT of people know what they should do - but they are masters into rationalizations.
Although things needs its time, allready to know that things needs its time is a perfect idea to hide behind it as a rationalization. But the first step will hurt, no matter if you wait 1 year of five. Chances are it will actually hurt even more in five years cause you did spend these fives years accumulate inner pressure, expectations and accusations (why dont you dare to...?). The think is that life often confronts us with a very simple either-or logic: while in our head is a lot of grey, life knows only back and white: you decide to do it, or you dont. You live it or you dont: what kind of reasons we have for our hesitation and indecision (unfortunatley) doesnt matter. No one will ask: specially not the things themselves that we want to achieve. They are there, and then they are gone, they wont ask if we moved our ass, and as well not if it was hard for us. They are simply there: you go for em or not: nothing in between.

From where there is a quite telling discrepance between the fact that 1. most people i know never really changed, but 2. those who did, did it finally quite fast and mosttimes achieved relative easily their aim. It seems like the biggest challenge was just the first step....Im pretty sure all those guys that write here about things like being lonely and having no one (including no sex) actually could find someone: some as well very impressive partners and friends!!! They "just" have to act: transcend the limits in which they fenced in the spectrum of possibilities and decisions before they even did anything at all. Guys: its out there, take it!!!!

Btw "you" is meant as a general you... ;-)

I dont know what exactly the AA`s methode is. So i cant talk about that. What i was pointing at is that we often do have an expectation how they one who gives us an advice should be (age, gender, culture, education, experience etc) while all of that isnt a guarantee: for me its what is said, the idea itself. Is a truth in it or not. If the idea makes sense, it makes sense, i`ll probably anyway never know if the other practice what he preaches and relative often it as well doesnt matter (for me) what matters is that i make my way out of the mess im into.

For everyone who is afraid of women one final word: i find them stressy too but women are nice. And supposed to be nice (raised to be cute, to be social and caring). They wont hurt you: at the highest they`ll tell you a nice lie why they dont wanna go out with you. accept it, its ok, super hot guys get a brush off each day, so it is, dont take it too personal, women are confronted each day with guys trying to get in their panties. Really each day. From early puberty on... But they wont hurt. And if you try it not in a creepy way they will appreciate it: it impresses women when you talk to them without the help of two liters of wodka Just do it, come on, they smile they are 1:60 high, they wont eat you - and even if, it can actualyl feel good ;-)

 

Maybe you should think about joining the "Chosen a celibate life" group

 

Sorry about that. I was in a bad mood when I wrote that. Shouldn't of used sarcasm in my post.
I might appear to be backtracking on what I said earlier.
The concept of being oneself is interesting since what is oneself anyway? Are you being yourself if you don't know who you are? Maybe if 'being yourself' is stopping you from getting what you want then maybe you're not being yourself in the first place. Maybe a personal desire is who a person is, rather than their state of being.

I think there's nothing wrong with bettering oneself if it comes from an authentic desire. I think bettering oneself shouldn't come from a place of wanting to please people. I think we should know what we want and who we are before we begin dating.

Talking about some research she had carried out, Brené Brown said this:
There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging... They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating... They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first ... the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees ... the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.

Maybe being oneself - what ever that means - isn't the answer, maybe being vulnerable is what we should be aiming for. Can you have a fulfilling relationship with someone if you're not vulnerable with them? I've heard of people in marriages who are lonely, maybe that loneliness is there because they haven't been vulnerable with each other?

 

One of those girls could be the right one for you. Just saying.

 

That's a tricky part of this whole think. Many times I think: from where is a problem, and from where is my personality? I mean, I have to respect my feelings and my modus operandi, but I don't know if I'm using myself (my essence, of could be a broken rotten essense?) to justify my evasion from intimicy and relationships. My brain tells me that this is me, but I don't trust him totally. Our brains can lie to us so manytimes.
And I constantly try to look for the social pressure perspective: that we shouldn't be forced to make some choices in life because everyone do (sex and relationships) which is absolute true... but that could be just a empty reason to more evasions.

I tried some stuff years ago, get really really out of my confort zone... Get really tired and come back to my buble. And started to think more about all this.

I think a lot about this and I'm very simpatic to personality and social pressure defense. But sometimes, I'm afraid that all this issues are fake. I don't have sure.