Virginity in 30s

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Pat-rick, Oct 18, 2017.

  1. im a 29yr virgin, I`ve gone red pill and have given up on women for almost the most part. I hate modern feminism, I just want to see the social order collaspe and re built because we are long overdue for a revolution ;)
     
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  2. David stone

    David stone Fapstronaut

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    My advice is : forget for a month you are a sexual being. Try it . No lusting after girls , no porn, NoFap. Do everything u want that is not sexual.
     
  3. Pat-rick

    Pat-rick Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the advice and support.
     
  4. Sugrum73

    Sugrum73 Fapstronaut

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    Take some cooking classes, women love men that can cook. If you doing meet someone in class you will at the supermarket. A man with real food (not frozen dinners) in his cart gets noticed. Every few months I get the "what time should I be over for dinner" at the check out.
     
  5. mpk

    mpk Fapstronaut

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    Oh common.. It's not a crime being a virgin at 30s. You won't be put behind bars for it.
     
  6. Physicist

    Physicist Fapstronaut

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    Why is it too soon for physical intimacy? Maybe you want relationship and cuddles, which is fine.

    But from what I have seen, physical intimacy always leads to that. If physical intimacy doesn't happen, then the chances of that happening are low.

    And STDs aren't a big deal. Keep yourself healthy, use protection and you won't get them if you are with a trusting partner. Unless your life is rife with promiscuity, then you have nothing to worry about.
     
  7. Jackb97

    Jackb97 Fapstronaut

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    Virginity doesn't exist if it bothers you that much get escort. There's no shame in that.
     
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  8. DM79

    DM79 Fapstronaut

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    I was a virgin until I was 30. To be honest I wish I still was. I am so blouse of people that have only had one partner.

    And I have nothing but respect for those who have never had a partner!

    My advice would be dating websites. But respect yourself don' just jump into bed with the first girl that wants too.
     
  9. Physicist

    Physicist Fapstronaut

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    I read your whole post. I understand what you had to say. Especially with your sexual abuse past and your PTSD

    This might sound brutal but maybe someone needs to say it. Its time you control yourself rather than let your PTSD control you. Its time to control those feelings and get past them. I'm sorry about what happened to you but unless you confront it, you will let it control you and you may never experience intimacy (especially given the fact that you went out with a women for months but never took it further).

    Its time you control it rather than it control you. That they

    In time you'll understand women are far sexual than men. Big surprise I know!

    Women want intimacy and shockingly they will move on when you can't provide it for them. Some will move on if you are crap in bed (i'm not joking about this). The reason they want sex after a few dates is because sex is the ultimate validation of intimacy. Without sex, there is no intimacy.

    You can go ahead and try dating asexual but be warned, that intimacy and "fire" just won't be there when there is no sexual tension. It just doesn't work. They might hang around, so will you. But it might as well not be a relationship other than the label of it.

    I presume you might have seen a sex therapist but I think you can get this issue handled.

    If you can PMO without getting "triggered", you can move past the triggering feelings of PTSD. Both are feelings of intimacy and sex and your brain doesnt know the difference.
     
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  10. Physicist

    Physicist Fapstronaut

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    Yes there are sex therapists who deal with single men and their issues. You should find out them and go see one.

    As you say "its easier said than done", but honestly, its easier to do what it takes to move forward than to stay stagnant. You will suffer a bit, probably break down but at the end after a while you will succeed.

    Again, let me make my point clear, its time to gradually move to accepting responsibily for yourself and your feelings and your conditions rather than moving away from it. YOU CAN control your feeling, YOU CAN control your "brain", your triggers whatever else.

    They don't control you. YOU CONTROL THEM. You can choose to not be a victim anymore. The fact that you at least realise this (i get the impression somewhat) means you can conceive what its like, and therefore more towards it.

    (Caps to emphasise the point.)

    Again, as harsh as this sounds, romance and sexual attraction go hand in hand. When sexual attraction dies out, so does the romance.

    But regardless, sex therapy might help.
     
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  11. Physicist

    Physicist Fapstronaut

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    This is life and life is about facing your fears. If you have faced one fear previously, you can face another. Eventually you'll have to step into the fear one step at a time and take control from it.

    This is this saying among the NoFap community that if I can conquer this addiction, I can achieve anything. I think it would be the same in your case with the PTSD at least.

    You need to permit yourself to real intimacy, pleasure and connection by breaking through that barrier you have set for yourself. And yes you might break down completely... but I doubt it might be like that. Often our worst fears never come to fruition. Its like going up to a girl to talk to her and thinking shes going to shout at you, slap you and throw a drink in your face. That just never happens but your stomach is still turning upside down.

    You go talk to her and shocks you that she responded positively. Unbelievable you think!

    As you'll go through the process, keep your attention in the present (say something like ("right here, right now"), breath deeply and you'll weaken that association. You will surprise yourself.

    The fact that you are willing to talk about it shows you want to get over it and face it. The fact that you are on this forum and you PMO shows you do want to experience real intimacy and connection and pleasure.

    Yes sex is about pleasure and there is nothing wrong with that. The pleasure you get from actual sex is 100x more than any PMO you can ever do.

    I could be done here but for the sake of argument, lets say the worst does happen. Whats the worst that could happen after that? You text her and apologise and explain why it happened, then you move on. The worst if she thinks is a little bit weird and you never contact her again. I mean, if you have that "breakdown" alone in your house by yourself, you wouldn't be worried would you? It seems to me its what she might think if the event did occur. IF you did breakdown, you can get back up after a few days and say to yourself "ok, that actually happened, my worst fear has been realised but I'm still alive and nothing else has happened. Wow i think i suddenly feel great"

    This is about facing that feeling and facing your fear of the "What ifs" rather than of that even actually happening.

    Good luck.

    edit: I say all of this because I remember I was with a girl who was somewhat similar to you. I got to know her really well but she alluded to the fact that she had never been with a guy. When we finally got intimate, it was too painful, she just couldn't do it. She really wanted the connection and intimacy but it was too painful.

    She had a break down. She started crying and confessed that she was in a previous relationship where she was abused (really badly) and it ended really badly and she became a loner and just wanted nothing to do with guys. I remember she really broke down and couldn't stop crying and even felt like she was starting to become sick. Eventually she calmed down and I remember, after a while (the next few times we were together) I helped her focus and she was able to open herself to me. From that point on, she actually overcame her fears.
     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2017
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  12. What is it you hate about modern feminism?
     
  13. do you maybe still have that youtube video? If there is a connection between the way we take care of our homes and appearances and our inner-conditions is something i asked me recently really often. And Gratulation to stop smoking! I did it seven years long, its one of the most senseless things ever! And the addiction is as brutal as the addiction to porn (as well that it is everywhere). I btw wonder how much people in the porn industry dont smoke....
     
  14. Empty Red Cloud

    Empty Red Cloud Fapstronaut

    Anytime you accomplish a goal, especially a challenging goal like living the life of nofap. Free from porn. Free from masturbation. Your Confidence will grow! Definitely.
     
  15. escaladepunk

    escaladepunk Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys - I know this may be sort of unrelated and may be answered somewhere else (please direct me there if so!), but does anyone else fear that since hook-up culture seems to be so prevalent, it will be hard to find a partner who hasn't engaged in it? I'm a 23 y/o virgin and consider myself a romantic in the sense that I need to have an emotional connection with someone before I can have sex (making love as I like to refer to it haha). I would prefer to someone with a similar philosophy who doesn't have too much sexual "luggage". The majority of my close friends are active in the one-night stand "game" so it just makes me think it's going to be that much harder to find someone on a similar wavelength. Am I just being a bit naive and generalizing too much, or is there some truth to this?

    Keep the streak alive!
     
  16. David stone

    David stone Fapstronaut

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    I dont know how the fk ur friends are good at nightstands but it doesnt matter for you. Go for a 16-17-18 years old obviouly. Have you thought of that? And that sexual luggage is all in your head and will cause you problms. Hook up culture prevalent??? dude i think you a bit off
     
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  17. escaladepunk

    escaladepunk Fapstronaut

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    Hey David. Yeah the sexual luggage thing is a personal demon I am dealing with, but glad you pointed it out. And I honestly hope that I am wrong about the hook-up culture - just seemed that way because of the environment I was/am in.

    Dating someone younger would be a solution I suppose, but I was considering partners who are in the same phase of life that I am in - recent college graduate settling into a profession.

    Thanks for the response!
     
  18. David stone

    David stone Fapstronaut

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    You should be looking for same age relationships but dont expect also a virgin , is close minded and also if you get with a virgin girl she will be always curious how it would be sex with other dick(person). Good luck
     
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  19. risefromashes

    risefromashes Fapstronaut

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    So what i'm going to say here might be unpopular (considering what ive read) but i'm an honest person so i'm going to give the hard truths here.

    All the people saying "sex isn't important", "I want to meet someone special so it's easy", etc etc etc. This is all not true and deep down they know it.

    Sex IS important, we are biologically driven to want to procreate, we are a social species, it's part of being human and part of being a man, and if you are Incel, then you are failing at that part, you know it, and that's why it bothers you.

    ACCEPT that truth, and then you can start to rectify it.

    As for practical advice.

    Make SURE you are taking PRIDE in your appearance, not being stuck up and materialistic but PRIDE in your appearance reflects PRIDE in yourself.

    STAY on nofap. It will rewire your mind, get you back to having a normal, healthy sex drive, depedestalize sex, and various other things that will improve your odds.

    Get out there and MEET people. Honestly it REALLY isn't that hard to have sex if you are making an effort to be social, go to parties, join groups and clubs meet people, circulate, circulate, circulate, make friends.

    Honestly, if you are even okay looking and can flirt a bit, if you actually go to clubs and just start talking to chicks, not with rubbish PUA lines etc but just talking, having a laugh and being sociable, it might take 2-3 nights out doing this but you WILL get laid. Just be around women who are drinking and getting socially loose and it will happen.

    Basically you have to get out there and give yourself a chance.

    If you sit in your room every night then you will stay a virgin forever, because no woman is gonna knock on your door and ask to have sex with you.

    You HAVE to get out there.

    I say this all the time but go to any shopping mall, sit on a bench and watch people for a few hours and you will see tons of guys WAY uglier than you who are walking along hand in hand with women you would be happy to have as your GF.

    Its YOU taking yourself out of the game that causes this.

    Hard truth, but accept it and you can change it.
     
  20. risefromashes

    risefromashes Fapstronaut

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    Oh also, in this day and age, if you really thing "waiting until you meet someone special" and then revealing you are a 30 year old virgin to some girl you REALLY like is gonna go well, i've got some bad news for you....

    Get it out of the way at the first opportune moment with some girl you don't really know or see as a potential serious relationship, so you don't have to deal with that HUGE awkwardness when you have to explain to your dream girl why you are a 30 y/o virgin.

    It will be seen as a red flag, because quite frankly, it IS a red flag, something obviously has gone wrong for that to happen, and they are going to want to know what.

    Sorry but 99.9% of modern, western women are not going to be able to understand that.
     

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