Virgin

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Mr. Human, Dec 23, 2018.

  1. Mr. Human

    Mr. Human Fapstronaut

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    I'm 24, male. I have been PMO-ing from a pretty young age (I can't tell, actually).

    I've been depressed and socially anxious my whole life (I actually got diagnosed with clinical depression).

    I think porn contributed greatly to my mental health issues. I was always a loner, I've never really had friends, let alone a girlfriend.

    I'm pretty ugly, I have no confidence, I have struggle talking to people and I'm extremely introverted.

    I think no woman will ever be attracted to me, and that's okay, because I wouldn't date myself either.

    As I'm getting older I feel like it's too late, I already missed out, and I'm going to die a virgin.

    I'm ashamed of myself. I was considering skipping Christmas.
     
  2. bloomz

    bloomz Fapstronaut

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    How do you skip Christmas? Just not going to family’s? You’ve got a lot of issues to work through, but let me tell you this.. everyone is deserving of LOVE. You may not feel it but just know it’s your mental illness lying to you!
     
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  3. bloomz

    bloomz Fapstronaut

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    You can start to get on the right track. Make a list of small goals you want to accomplish & work on them one by one. For example I’ve quit smoking & PMO. Now I’m working on reaching my water intake every day. Just make small goals and you will gradually change your life
     
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  4. MusicMan123

    MusicMan123 Fapstronaut

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    You can do this buddy. We've all been there on some level. We are here to help you. Would love to hear your story bloomz
     
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  5. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    I was in a very similar position at your age and felt exactly the same way. But you have plenty of time to change things - I didn't start dating until I was 31.

    Get away from the computer, get rid of the porn, get yourself outside into the fresh air - it may not sound much but it's a start. I think sunlight and fresh air make big a difference, and anyone with a PMO problem isn't likely to be getting much of either.

    You'll find your confidence should increase when you get older - simply turning 30 was a big kick up the arse for me.
     
  6. AEC Josh2415

    AEC Josh2415 Fapstronaut

    I had a bad experience with PMO recently that seriously threw my Christmas joy into a tailspin.

    But I talked to someone about it.

    I'm feeling better each day, and I'm looking forward to Christmas again. You know what else? I'm looking forward to next Christmas, when I'll potentially be completing a streak of no PM for more than a year.

    You can too, @Mr. Human .
     
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  7. Mr. Human

    Mr. Human Fapstronaut

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    What would you do different if you could be my age again?
     
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  8. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    That's a great question Mr Human.

    Basically I'd have started living life as I do now, but done it much earlier. So... started running, bought some weights and started using them while watching TV instead of just sitting there. Ditched the porn and the videogames. Bought hiking shoes and gone on long walks. And perhaps most importantly (and I know that not everyone agrees with this) started online dating sooner. Yeah it's a pain in the arse, but I've still managed to get girlfriends and female friends out of it. I was utterly useless when I started, but you soon learn the ropes. Women were an alien species to me at 24 - now I can talk to them like normal people. I'd stay away from any incel type websites which I found to be ultra negative. Perhaps I'd also have moved out from home earlier (did so at 31), though finances kind of dictated that one (property prices are horrendous round here).

    As for personal appearance, we can't all be Mr Square Jaw Six Pack Designer Beard. But you can control the controllables i.e. Hair cut, weight, clothes, hygiene. These are all quick wins - you look better, you feel better and more confident.

    And push yourself at work, whatever it is you do. Climbing the greasy pole isn't for everyone, but the extra responsibility of promotions increases confidence which filters into your private life.

    But your challenge for 2019 is to start to make changes. Nothing happens overnight. There is no cure all. But look at 'bloomz' reply above - I think that is a pretty good template...
     
  9. johnwiks

    johnwiks Fapstronaut

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    I used to be in the same boat as you Mr. Human. I was severely overweight (315 Lbs), addicted to porn and masturbation, played a lot of videogames,didn't take care of myself, was a virgin until 22, was very depressed and had a ton of anxiety. I honestly thought for the longest time that everything that happened to you just happened and that I had no control of my outcome. This is wrong on so many levels. What I realized was that nothing in life is handed to you. You have to get what you want in life. For me, it was women and happiness. So, I lost 100lbs and started hitting the gym hard. I really focused on creating good habits in my life, such as good eating habits and hygiene. I moved to another city where I didn't know a single person( which was a huge change for me) and started be comfortable with the uncomfortable. When I had extreme social anxiety I started putting myself in uncomfortable situations. I would cold approach girls at my school and go to bars alone and try to start a conversation with random people. It helped so much but it wasn't easy. I also quit my caffeine addiction and stopped playing videogames. From all the free time I had from quitting videogames I started training Jiu-Jitsu and surfing. I gained so much confidence from doing this. Then losing my virginity just came for me. Now, to further my self-improvement, I am on this nofap journey. I can honestly say that my depression and anxiety is gone. I have a ton of confidence and am going on dates and getting laid regularly.

    The key to success( in my opinion) is to get in the right mindset. You can't play the victim. You must go out and change. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations. " I think no women will ever be attracted to me" - this is wrong on so many levels. Go out, start lifting, get a haircut, shave your face, take a shower, stop jacking off to porn, gain confidence. And you're only 24, you're still young.
     
  10. Grandpa61

    Grandpa61 Fapstronaut

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  11. Mr. Human

    Mr. Human Fapstronaut

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    I most urgently want to become a normal person.
     
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  12. Grandpa61

    Grandpa61 Fapstronaut

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    What does normal look like to you? Is it a physical, mental or social characteristic?
    If you were to guess, at what age did you see your first porn? Was it a picture or video? How old were you when you fist masturbated?
    Are you on medication for depression? (I am and have been for almost 15 years.)
    Do you like being a loner or is that something you would like to change? We all wan't friends. It seems harder for most men. I know its not the same but from yhe coments you've received I would say you have quite a few guys that would like to be your friend. I would! Lets work on you before we work on finding a girlfriend.
    Would a change in your appearance help you feel more confident? I can't believe you are ugly. If there was just one thing you could change about your appearance what would that be?

    I want to help you my friend. I understand that some of these questions I've asked are hard and personal but they will help get to know you a little better. If you would rather talk privately click inbox and start a conversation.
     
  13. Mr. Human

    Mr. Human Fapstronaut

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    Sorry for taking so long to reply, but I went home for Christmas, and actually it wasn't that bad, so I didn't feel like visiting this thread.

    Thank you for your concern, you would be surprised how much this means to me.

    I think I first saw porn/masturbated at maybe the age of 12.

    I was on medication for depression for a few months, but I stopped taking it. I realized the problem is my shitty life(style), and there are no pills for that. I don't consider taking them in the future either.

    Isolating myself from people was partly my choice. I generally don't like people, I feel like an alien. I'm also pretty sensitive, coward and feminine, and the best way for me to deal with people was to shut them out. I don't think this state of mind is good for anybody.

    The last few years I got overweight, because I thought it would be easier to kill myself this way. Well, it's not. So, I decided I'm going to start working out. I live a sedentary lifestyle, and you guys reassured me it's time to change that.
     
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  14. Grandpa61

    Grandpa61 Fapstronaut

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    I’m so glad you are back my friend! Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you on your journey.
     
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  15. Sardonic

    Sardonic Fapstronaut

    I see a lot of myself in OP's posts, only difference is I'm 6 years older.

    The thing about virgins is no-one is going to do it for us. We have to realize what we need to do, and do it. If you can take what people have suggested here and use it you won't regret it. I'm in a similar boat and probably sound like a hypocrite when I say I just wanna hide. If you can do it more power to you.
     
  16. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    Yep, I discovered this myself and I guess I always hoped I would bump into the woman of my dreams and everything would play out like a Hollywood movie and we'd live happily ever after. Was never going to happen. There's very little support or sympathy out there in big wide world for introverted, socially anxious males who struggle interacting with the opposite sex. But it's never too late and I managed to get myself there, eventually, and I'm always happy to try and help others in the same position.
     
  17. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

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    Im 26 yo and same as you no girlfriend and virgin.

    I know whta u feel, i feelin it right now actually, but dont make thats a reason to stop NoFap, bro just keep goin
     
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  18. the awakening

    the awakening Fapstronaut

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    I think you have all this thoughts because you're depressed. I had similar thoughts whe i was depressed aswell. I had two depressions before the age of 23. Even if it is a pain in the ass it will pass. It always pass. But treat your depression as any other illness you need a cure.
     
  19. the awakening

    the awakening Fapstronaut

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    24 and Virgin but i have a question don't you feel NOFAP actually helps you with girls?
     
  20. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    Believe me mate, all of those things are possible to change but it is going to require a tough effort, a lot of willpower and a day-by-day approach if you want to reach success. During all of my adolescent and adult years (until the age of 28) I felt pretty much like a lost case as I was quite broken mentally, had low confidence, self-respect and felt very lost in general. It was around New Year's two years ago that I decided to take some action over the next year and turn the tide to something better. It has taken a big effort and lots of pain and pitfalls along the way but I am so much stronger and better today than I could even dream off a few years ago.
    Although you can't change the basics of your looks, you can still make yourself look as good as possible with what you currently have. Also, most women don't care too much about looks as long as you are confident, grounded, somewhat groomed and take care of your hygiene (including the dental one).
    Self improvement and big lifestyle changes take time but are so worth it in the long run!
     
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