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Virgin in my 30's: Am I a loser ?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by bra131217, Aug 27, 2017.

Do you think I am a loser for being a virgin at 31

This poll will close on Aug 27, 2027 at 3:26 AM.
  1. Yes

    48 vote(s)
    9.4%
  2. No

    463 vote(s)
    90.6%
  1. If you know your own self-worth then the David Stone's of the world can't harm you.
     
    Toomuchh and Deleted Account like this.
  2. LouDog

    LouDog Fapstronaut

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    Society places too much value on sexual activity. It restrains us from getting to know each other outside the boundaries and bonds of sex. So when sex gets old so does the relationship: and people move on.

    I say all that to say I congratulate you on not falling for the trap. Sex is supposed to be an extension of your real feelings of love for someone. Not a cheap thrill and not something given and taken lightly.

    When you find the right one you will forever be glad you waited. I wish I had. I wish I was able too.
     
  3. I sthink it's sad and unfortunate that society marginalizes men if they don't lose their virginity or lose it by a certain age. That's really unfortunate and it's shows how hollow society is these days. A person's value isn't and shouldn't be based on whether they're a virgin or not.
     
  4. bra131217

    bra131217 Fapstronaut

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    Yes I have had professional help.
     
    Pseudo-parthena likes this.
  5. bra131217

    bra131217 Fapstronaut

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    I have been positive all my life and I am sure that since I waited so long I will find the right woman.
    But the other say there was a party and the boys were drunk and brought up the question "When was the first time you had sex ? and where did you do it and with whom?"

    The group had people ranging from 25 to 35 and I told the truth that I am a virgin and I heard some one shout out LOSER.

    Not that I care about what they say , I have seen that a very sweet girl getting attracted towards a man who was treating her like shit , and I thought Life isn't fair.
     
  6. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

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    Obviously as a victim of sexual violence there are intimacy issues as it relates to other partners. Does physical intimacy scare you?
     
    bra131217 likes this.
  7. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

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    Having dating someone who was a victim of sexual violence intimacy if it does develop takes quite some time.
     
  8. Hermin

    Hermin Fapstronaut

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    I would suggest to you to get laid with some woman, as other suggested, just for fun. Get drunk and have a blast. Don't take it so seriously. You are still young.
     
    bra131217 likes this.
  9. bra131217

    bra131217 Fapstronaut

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    When I visited my psychiatrist the sessions went on for a year and it was concluded that the reason was that I had witnessed my parents have sex as a kid (as mentioned in my original post about Primal Scenes) I lived in one bed room house with my parents and it was early 90's and my parents would have sex almost every night assuming I was asleep.

    I would spare the details here but would like to say that I witnessed them clearly in the dimly lit room from the age of 7 until I was 13 when we shifted to a two bedroom house. The images have been etched on my mind.

    I don't blame my parents as they had not much money left in those days to get a new room after taking care of my ailing grandpa. My parents made sure I was asleep I was put to sleep by 9 PM , but I would wake up sometime and see them at it.

    This has definitely scared me for life and I guess it has contributed to my insecurities.
     
  10. Toomuchh

    Toomuchh Fapstronaut

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    It's really a test of your self worth. Either you a) agree and then have to take a hard look at yourself and make some changes or b) know it's not and it doesnt bother you. I m someone who appreciates brutal honesty. A polite face always has you wondering, do they really mean it, or are they just being nice. Which can be a headache
     
  11. IshArC

    IshArC Fapstronaut

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    Jeez godwords
     
  12. Orangeraie

    Orangeraie Fapstronaut

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    Sorry for my english.
    In the absolute you're not a loser but you're seen as a loser.
    It's simple, for these women (and men) you're virgin, in consequences, you have no worth, you're less than nothing. Why ?
    Being virgin at 30s means (for them) nobody wanted you, you're rejected, therefore they gain no social prestige or anything by being with you. Opposite, people could make fun of her by being with "such a loser".
    Furthermore, her ego will be hurt " How i fall so low in order to have sex with a 30 years old virgin loser? There are better men, good-looking, i had sex with them, etc"
    In their mind, those who have multiple sex have been desired so they desirable. They have a worth even they are assholes.

    Plus, if a girl is accommodating, you're virginity is an obstacle :
    -on the technical plan. She must teach a few thing or it will take time to be a better lover.
    -on the mental plan. He's virgin so something in him is hidden.

    If i had a piece of advice, i would say, don't say a thing and do it (It seems you had chances). By the way, i'm a 21 years old virgin so my advice has no worth :)
     
    lukelcs and bra131217 like this.
  13. If you feel you have a PMO problem you should take care of that first. Then when you're better try and be more social, go out there and do lots of new things, and eventually you'll meet women and date. What I recommend is to not bring up the virgin card early. Try and get to know each other first and when time passes if you feel you're both ready to take the next step you come clean.

    Less is more in building a relationship, so try not to be an exposition, just enjoy the moment and be patient to open yourself up.
     
  14. Mavricko

    Mavricko Fapstronaut

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    You aren't a loser. Anyone that laughs at you is.

    If you are concerned about being a virgin and consider it a huge weight on your shoulder then you should consider an escort. Rather than having to carry weight and stress around all the time, it might help your mental state of might and reduce your stress, anxiety etc. Make sure you only look for very well reviewed ones that provide good service...

    If you want to wait then good luck. I waited for love for my first time and happened when I was 17. Just so happened to happen much earlier in my life than yours....

    I'm just concerned your confidence is so shot and you're so worried it might take a while for you to lose it if ever. I would say the longer it takes the increasingly high chance that a male will never lose his without resorting to an escort...

    You should try online dating...lots of sites...if you haven't tried this...and go for people that are compatible with you personality wise...don't go for looks...try free sites, paying...the lot...I imagine you are probably a good age for online dating as plenty of options your age and younger
     
  15. Well, you have a motivation in life to do. I remember when i wanted to lose my virginity and fuck some girls. So.... I just didnt care what other think and just do my thing. Because in the end...who cares? Why so serious bro? Try to nail a girl,wherever you meet her - they want it as badly as you want
     
    bra131217 likes this.
  16. Be yourself
    Don't let the losers tell you what to do
    And be, no one else
    'Cause if you don't then who is going to

    - Kevin Max

    I've been reading your post @bra131217 and I'm trying to figure out if you're comfortable in your own skin or not. Personally I think you appear to be confident in some posts and others the exact opposite.

    I'm a virgin in my early 30's and in my darker moment I've hated it. At such times I've thought I'd just be better off dead but such thoughts don't last long and are rare because for the most part I like myself. If a women rejects me or doesn't like me then it's her loss. Any girl who ends up being with me is very luck because I'm awesome! I'm not being arrogant I'm just viewing myself in the right way. Don't get me wrong I have my off days but such days don't define me. IDK maybe that's how you view yourself and you were just on an off day when you posted this.

    Also I think this advice about hooking up with girl is probably terrible advice. Sex within relationships is said to improve cardiovascular health, reduce depression and boost immunity, but social science research has often linked casual encounters to feelings of sexual regret, low self-esteem and psychological distress. Okay, for some people it can cause them to be confident but judging by your posts you're not that kind of person. I know, personally, if I had a one night stand I would feel utterly depressed. Sex and go isn't for me. I'm someone who after sex would want to hold and kiss a woman, and then bring bring her breakfast in bed the next day and then see her the next day and the next day and next day. I don't want a women for a night or weekend, I want a woman for life. I want a connection, I want to be known.

    When it's just sex, then that's all it is. It leaves the person deeply unconnected. You can be having sex with many, and yet you're alone. And the more sex have, the more alone you are. And it's possible to be sleeping alone, and celibate and be very sexual. Connected with many. It's also possible to be married to somebody and sharing the same bed and be very disconnected. It's possible to be married to somebody and sharing the same bed and even having sex regularly and still be profoundly disconnected. - Rob Bell
     
    MasterGamer likes this.
  17. NoMilkNoSugar

    NoMilkNoSugar Fapstronaut

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    Hi! I don't think you are a loser, but I also would recommend that you are cautious taking opinions like this
    seriously. There is a tendency in this thread to sugarcoat things and blame the rest of society instead looking at yourself. Breaking out of your shell takes a lot of courage, work and effort. Perhaps you need to work on your general confidence, set goals and experience how it feels to achieve them, add social hobbies to your list and become a little more communicative. I am struggling with similar things and gradually getting better. Clear goals and some form of accountability get you a long way, and real self-improvement is not fun and doesn't feel good when you are in the process of doing it. But that's what you have to do.
     
    nofepper and WesternWolf like this.
  18. I wish I could talk to more people like you in real life. I've always had people condescendingly laugh at me when I'm honest. I'm going on 25 as a virgin and at certain points in the day instead of being depressed I become infuriated that some people feel like they can judge me on that alone. There is so many things that make up a person's character and being and some people chose to focus on only that.
     
  19. Third_Eye

    Third_Eye Guest

    Those women are just a bunch of sluts, don't even worry about them. There's always good women out there, you just gotta be confident in yourself. You being a virgin should actually be a good thing, and it shouldn't matter if you're one. Personality matters way more than whether or not a person is a virgin. Don't worry, I'm sure there's an amazing woman out there for you, you just gotta keep looking! :)
     
    WesternWolf and Deleted Account like this.
  20. Yeah unfortunately people like me are in the minority. It's because of society's ridiculous and unnecessary expectation of men to lose their virginity as fast as possible. That's a dumb thing to do. I'm sure (and I have heard) that there are stories of people who regret losing their virginity as fast as possible meaninglessly in a one night stand. It's not worth it to lose it just like that unless you want a lifetime of regret. Waiting until marriage is the best option.
     
    WesternWolf likes this.

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