Very extreme severe Femdom real life- help

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Aiden5, Aug 6, 2017.

  1. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    @Grifo Caveira

    Welcome to NoFap. I think your situation is very different from that of the original poster here. You say that you and your girlfriend love each other. If that is really the case, then in time you should be able to achieve a better balance in your relationship.

    I assume that you are on NoFap because you PMO and that when you PMO, you choose mainly Femdom porn.

    If this is the case, then my advice is:
    • Use NoFap to quit PMO. Start a journal here, with a counter, and use the information and support this site gives.
    • Give up both Porn and masturbation. It sounds difficult, but even after 40 years of M, I managed to quit and have been 'clean' for 200 days.
    • Ensure that outside the bedroom, your relationship with your girlfriend is built on mutual respect, equality and trust. Neither of you should bully or dominate or impose your will on the other.
    • Inside the bedroom, if you both enjoy the dominant/submissive role-play, then, in the context of loving, equal relationship, there is no harm in that and it will be something you can both enjoy.
    Good luck

    ANH
     
    Mr.Chips and Roady like this.
  2. Grifo Caveira

    Grifo Caveira Fapstronaut

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    @anewhope

    Thanks AnewHope, i'm already part of a community in the Brazilian fap:w(Score)w(Score)w(Score)comoparar.forumeiros(Score)com , there also helped, as Femdom is not popular in Brazil, I went to sites in English, to see more reports about this category .

    This year I'm going to take a course to learn English, for now I'm using google translator, sorry for the mistakes, but it's my only option to communicate with you.

    I have been for 7 days without pmo and without masturbating, for now my goal is 90 days, but my goal is real is for the rest of my life.

    I have a diary on '' Brazilian NoFap '', I will try to translate my story into English and post it here

    Thanks.
     
    TIMMY0110 and anewhope like this.
  3. soberhenry

    soberhenry Fapstronaut

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    I think what everyone here is missing is that the OP likes the fantasy that he can't ever leave. If he wanted to leave he would take the first step towards leaving, which is walking out the door and not coming back. The Dom has already told him he is free to go, which kind of ruins the fantasy for him. So in response he has convinced himself that he can't leave because he is so in love with this woman that he fears he would regret his decision. Part of the fantasy involves coming here and telling everyone about his life of servitude and how he wants to leave but he can't (even though he can and he knows he can). It feels even more real when he puts it in writing on a forum with other addicts. He has yet to describe why this woman is so great other than she is a godess, which I assume means she is really hot. He could always find another Dom but probably worries that he will never find one as hot as her.

    My question for the OP is what are you going to do years from now when she is older and isn't as hot? Is there going to be a point where you will risk leaving her because you feel that you would be able to find a hotter Dom? What if she was in a car accident tomorrow and was horribly disfigured? Would you bail?
     
  4. Grifo Caveira

    Grifo Caveira Fapstronaut

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    Man, whoever tries and fails, tries and fails, tries and fails ... As is my case, I've been trying to stop being submissive for a long time, but I always end up falling in the temptation of my girlfriend, but this time it's enough. . I'm not going to be your submissive anymore and I'm going to take the test this weekend, since we do not see her for a few days, because she's traveling.

    So man, Aiden, you have to want this change.

    As the guy said up there, it seems that you just want to tell your fantasies here in the forum and nothing more.

    I do not see that claw in your words, stop victimizing for the years of brainwashing that woman did to you.

    That's enough!

    You're better than that, you're better than her, you're amazing.

    Be the protagonist of your life.

    And stop living around this woman's life, because she's living her life, wonderful days, and you're doing what? Throwing your life away in the trash.

    I know it may seem impossible to leave this life, since it was a long time in this situation, BUT I BELIEVE IN YOU, WE BELIEVE IN YOU!

    YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT!

    Now stop victimizing yourself and start wanting change.

    Wake up get your things and go away!

    If you regret it and want to come back ... Do not come back! Talk to us first, here in the forum.

    WE ARE WITH YOU!
    WE ARE WITH YOU!
    WE ARE WITH YOU!

    Please do not disappear, we believe in you.

    We want to see you get out of this, free from this nightmare and live your life with a smile on your face.
     
    anewhope likes this.
  5. Faygal

    Faygal Fapstronaut

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  6. Grifo Caveira

    Grifo Caveira Fapstronaut

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    Another point I found interesting is that you said, "If I leave, she will never accept me back."

    My girlfriend said the same to me, if I did not want to be her submissive, she would never want me as submissive again.

    I paid to see, I did not want to be submissive anymore and she kept insisting that I was her submissive (Being she said she would never want to)

    Your case is no different, do you really think she will never want you again? Being that you give all your money to her, clean the house and let her be sadistic? Do you really think she'll never accept you again? HAHAHAHAHAHA is very much mistaken.

    Guys, do you guys agree with me?

    Do you think she's going to set you free? She will lose money, the house will be dirty and she will not be able to practice her sadistic side.

    I DOUBT IT!
     
    TIMMY0110 and Immature like this.
  7. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    It's totally clear:
    such a couple is maintaining each others problem
    Now you 've decided to solve your problem you force her to look at herself (her own problem). Yet she can't.
    She tries with manipulation to maintain the situation. If you recognize this, and know that manipulation has its roots in fear and insecurity it should be a bit easier to cut off the bondage between you and her.
     
  8. Aiden5

    Aiden5 Fapstronaut

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    There is certainty a mixed bag of responses here. For those that have encouraged me to see this for what it is and leave her I appreciate it. To anyone who suggested I came here just to complain, play a victim, seek attention, thrills, etc, it is not so. I came here looking for some advice and support like everyone else. The issue is it is a bit hard to turn this switch off and make these drastic changes in a life that I have built around this woman many year now. Yes I realize it is not much of life at all but my point is there is emotional attachment and investment in it.
    There is a certain tone and attitude on this site about complete abstinence, immediately dropping bad habits, starting today! That works well for the PMO stuff and there was a time in my life were thta advice could have gone a long way and would have prevented me ending up here. But now it is different story... i am more invested with real attachment. I am not making excuses I am just saying it is not as easy as breaking a bad habit anymore .It has escalated to more of a relationship problem. With this being said I have decided to start with a new therapist who has specific expertise in fetishes, bdsm, alternative lifestyles etc. to see if this helps. I have put myslef at great risk trying to coordinate this into my schedule because I cannnot do it with her finding out and she would never let me out during week nights at all so I am doing this during week on my lunch break from my job. I'm truth I have tried a couple therapists before and it did not work out too well so I am not terribly excited about this but still willing to try.
    Also there was some comments that she would be lost and empty without me. While this is an encouraging thought the truth is she would replace me in no time. There are men in her life right now dying to take my place. I know one in particular who I believe she will replace me with eventually anyway. Knowing this makes it even harder for me.
    She will not be losing much at all if she got rid of me. The only loss is the investment in time it will take her to train a new slave. She has spent considerable time over many years disciplining torturing and training me. Reinforcing behavior obedience and expectations of service. My daily schedule is practically regimented by the minute... it all runs efficeintly and smoothly for her now with little error. This is the only thing I have going for me. If she got rid of me she would have to do it all over again. But the truth is she enjoys it. She enjoys every part of the process so it wouldn't be so hard. I don't think it works for me to think about how she can't do this or that or isn't this or that,... I don't think this sits well in my mind cuase I know it's not true. Trying to put her down in my mind has never worked for me for some reason. I think a better way to look at is simply from the standpoint of what is good for me only not her.
     
  9. Calipornia

    Calipornia Fapstronaut

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    Never see her again man. Get ahead while you still can
     
  10. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    100% sure she is insecure, empty and lost deep in her heart. I see that. I know that.
    It's not the truth that she will replace you.
    It's just a result of the truth I was mentioning! She shows that that is the truth.
    She is so scared that she immediately need a new drug. She is addicted dude. She is addicted to you! Exactly the same as you are addicted to her. You are slave to her. But.
    She is in exactly the same way slave to you!

    She enjoys right?
    And you enjoys the feeling as well, right?
    You find it incredible difficult to brake, yes?
    But for her will be incredible difficult to brake her sick habits as well.
    You are further in your progress than she is. You already started to visit a therapist because you feel you have a problem.
    She will later in live get many, MANY problems and start seeking for help.

    And at last:
    Reread my previous post. There I wrote truth. Reread it daily if you want to become free.
     
  11. Mr.Chips

    Mr.Chips Fapstronaut

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    Hello @Aiden5 ,
    I am into Femdom fetish too since a very long time, I have never made it real, but yes I wished and tried to speak with Dominants online and role-play.
    I have not lived your life but there are important points I assume you felt :

    1- Codependency: Yes, by relying on a person for a very long time it will make you addicted to that person and not able to leave him/her. One more thing related to it : is when you are Strictly and Forcely submitted to a person by all words he/she tells you, because you can't do anything about it, emotionally and maybe physically that the person felt to be conquered by someone else.
    I would compare & Imagine it as what happened in the TV show : GAME OF THRONES, when Prince Theon Greyjoy was arrested by Ramsey and he was tortured and humiliated by him, and turned him to a pet. So Theon Greyjoy became totally submitted to him by his words even if he doesn't want to.

    2- Dominants : I would be really clear in this by my belief and as I always experienced by seeing many examples on Web. Mistresses/Domnatrix or whatever they are called, they just care about your money. Yes some of them have the fetish of humiliating, but most of them do whatever possible to take your money. They won't care about how much you are tortured and how you look, they even say it on public "paypigs".
    I also Compare these Bitches with "prostitutes" who would do whatever in favour getting your money.

    3- Femdom Fetish : It is not easy, nor any other fetish I think, however, Femdom fetish is like a package of all fetishes in one fetish, because once a person is deeply into Femdom fetish, He/she is always ready to do WHATEVER they are ordered! No matter what, and literally fantasies would not stop.

    However, As I see it and As I believe. The key and only key to get rid of this, IS A MASSIVE FORCE THAT PREVENTS YOU FROM THIS. TRY TO RESIST BY ANYTHING ! JUST MAKE SURE YOU ARE AWAY OF THIS FETISH.

    AND IN YOUR CASE Mr, @Aiden5 The main thing you have to do AND ONCE YOU DO IT YOUR WHOLE LIFE SHALL MASSIVELY CHANGE! IS TO RUN AND LEAVE THIS BITCH FOREVER. Just never come back to her and MAKE SURE YOU ARE NEVER BACK TO HER! Because you might get weak and think about going back to her! In this case I suggest you to fap couple of times so your psychology turns back to normal.

    Just think about this man!
    1- RUN & LEAVE HER:
    • Think about a plan how you can lave her and never come back to her, and how to guarantee not to be fooled by your fetish.
    • Forget about whatever you have done there, your money, your pain and your previous life. Maybe you can think about them later.
    2- Seek help:
    • From your family, friends, psychology, police, rehab. Anything that can support you.
    3-Build yourself again!
    • Yes, it is never late, as long as you are resisiting, you will be much happy of your giving up.
    Just never give up bro, just stand up again, I have not felt your pain, but I mostly feel your feelings.

    I hope this helped you :)
     
  12. Timeon

    Timeon Fapstronaut

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    She has you manipulated and completely stuck in her web like a spider. And the effects of being "gaslighted" is evident in what you are saying. Like alot of people are saying here. Run like hell before it is too late.
     
    MCStruggler likes this.
  13. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke Fapstronaut

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    Most people on this site realise at some point they want something other than PMO, and a sex life that's all about PMO is no good for them. That's what motivates them to leave PMO. If they knew PMO was all they wanted from life, they wouldn;t be here.

    You have the choice here. You are obviously able to use the internet without her knowledge and have a job where you're free in the day. You can start up a new bank account and get your pay directed to it if you want to then book a hotel.

    There's a lot of criticism of this woman (I agree with it too) but she told you what the deal was and she's told you you're free to go. You are. She's doing you a favour by saying you'll never see her again.

    So you choose. If being this woman's slave till she wants to dump you is all you want from life then stay. If you want anything else, you need to go.
     
    MCStruggler likes this.
  14. Aiden5, become a slave to Jesus, He will treat you better. Stop praying to her, pray to Jesus instead.


    They exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever...

    But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
    Romans chapter 1:25 / Romans chapter 6:22-23 (the Bible)
     
  15. subforever2016

    subforever2016 New Fapstronaut

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    you may find it hard to believe but i have a similar arrangement with a woman and the worst part is that she is marrying her boyfriend and still wants to be her slave . she is really really cruel. she has literally made me cry from pain .
    can u describe what your day looks like and what all she did to her previous slave ?
     
  16. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke Fapstronaut

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    No, please don't. That might be triggering to many here.

    Could I ask, @subforever2016, why you're interested in NoFap and what you'd like to achieve?
     
  17. Do a "Jason Bourne" and disappear somewhere!
     
  18. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    Hi @Aiden5

    It sounds like she has a mental problem worse than Harvey Weinstein.

    I have visited a dominatrix and been tortured and wanted to go back for more, but never did as I came to nofap for help and I got the help I needed.

    You should list the reasons you want to stay and discredit them and then the reasons you want to leave and enhance them.

    I will get you started:

    You want to stay because

    1. You are “in love” with her
    2. You hate yourself and feel you deserve punishment
    3. You want to punish yourself for the selfdestructive bahaviour and the way you punish yourself is by letting her beat you
    4. You feel privileged as other men a “dying” to be in your place
    5. You don’t want all the “training” to go to waste
    6. She is giving you a lot of attention even though it is in the form of beatings - that’s why children who are abused feel rejection when the abuse stops
    7. She is feeding your inner abused child more abuse and keeping you in a perpetual state
    8. You don’t think you will ever get a woman that “beautiful” in real life
    9. You feel she has given so much time for you, you don’t want to “let her down”
    10. You feel you have gone so far down a bad path, no one will accept or understand you ever again
    11. She tells you stuff that re-enforces your servitude
    12. She has brainwashed you

    Doesn’t this sound a little like a mental health problem? Or even something similar to a cult?



    Even if you don’t have a mental problem she sure does
     
  19. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    I recently contacted a friend who told me she had started going to femdom clubs. I said I was into it and she said she would take me next time. I almost went, but came here and Aiden5’s story has helped me completely reconsider, thanks brother
     
    TIMMY0110 likes this.
  20. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    An alternative is to act out as she said this is your “last chance”, then she will leave you, if she doesn’t then she is full of shit, but we knew that already
     

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