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very aroused and sensitive - please give me advice

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Plastic Beach, Sep 14, 2018.

  1. Plastic Beach

    Plastic Beach New Fapstronaut

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    hello, i recently discovered this platform so now i decided to post something. I´ve got a huge problem with arousal and sensitivity.

    so this girl and me, we really do like each other. there is just a problem when we cuddle (this doesn´t happen with women i´m not attracted to)

    - i´m very aroused, penis is very sensitive
    - i get a boner, my boxers are wet because of prostate fluid (fucking great)

    even just cuddling triggers me a lot and i told her i got a boner she said i shouldn´t mind. well i do.

    she told me that she is a virgin and that she doesn´t want to have sex with me (guess she meant "not yet"). the day after when i told her all about my problems with porn she said: "i´d like to aswell but i´m afraid". literally a few days later when i asked her on phone she was trying to dodge the subject.

    i don´t really know how i should take it. give her more time? i kind of have to but how do i manage when even cuddling arouses me so much?

    we only met 2 times so far at my home but we talked a few hours before (at the place where we met). tomorrow she comes to my place again and shes staying overnight like last time. (i was sleeping in my room and she was sleeping on my couch. i got massive cravings and fantasies and then i had to fap in the bathroom because i couldn´t take it anymore.) its fucking tough for me.

    help me out.
     
  2. spudiron

    spudiron Fapstronaut

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    Yes, that happens. When we get aroused, our penis gets very sensitive. And staying in that aroused state with some/little contact (wearing boxers, whatever), some fluid comes out. It happens.

    I'm a little confused by your posts, but this is what I think you're saying (please let me know if I'm misinterpreting, it's been known to happen):
    Your new (couple of dates and some talking) girlfriend has made it clear that she is a virgin and doesn't want to have sex (maybe the subtext is "not yet", and maybe that means tomorrow sure, maybe that means give me 2-3 years). It seems like it's something that is important to her. You're upset that you get aroused by her. I'm a bit confused by what you mean with triggers you, context says that triggering is that you get an erection (seemlingly a normal reaction). She knows that you have problems with porn, but I can't make heads or tails of the reaction "I'd like to as well but I'm afraid." Is that in context to porn, sex, or something else? She dodges the subject later (again, sex, porn or something else?) which to me would indicate that it's something that makes her uncomfortable to talk about.

    From here on, I am assuming that you're talking about sex. Again, if this isn't the case, I'm sorry for the assumption.
    Take what? That she doesn't want to have sex? Is that the only reason you're seeing her? If you've been seeing her for a short time and she's a virgin and is around your age, it's probably something that is very important to her. Is that something you can respect?
    Being aroused is one thing. Needing to do something about it is another. You can cuddle and be aroused and enjoy the cuddles and not MO afterwards. That's a choice you can make.
    You don't have to fap. Ever. It is not a physical requirement. You will not die if you don't fap. It might be something you want to do. It might be something that overwhelms your thoughts. It might be something you feel entitled to do. But it is not something you have to do.
    Yes, I imagine it is. I've been there. However, keep in mind that it's probably tough on her too. It sounds like you are strongly pressuring her to have sex which she has indicated she doesn't want to. Can you envision what that feels like?
     
    Numb, EyesWideOpen, Jennica and 3 others like this.
  3. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    Don't pressure her. She sounds like she is waiting for marriage, and you're just being horny. If you can't abstain, find some woman who isn't waiting for marriage.
     
  4. spudiron

    spudiron Fapstronaut

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    Oh, and the normal advice of doing a reboot definitely applies. Getting yourself away from the P and MO would likely be a huge boost to your confidence/will power. It definitely sucks going through it, but it's like a crappy tasting medicine that makes you stronger at the end.
     
    Jason_Tesla_19 likes this.
  5. Plastic Beach

    Plastic Beach New Fapstronaut

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    yes, she doesn´t want to have sex. she seems to be afraid. i don´t know if she wants to wait until marriage but she clearly said she would want to have sex with me as much as i do with her. yes, being super aroused is not a good feeling for me when we hang out and touch each other. it makes me angry. i know i shouldn´t be angry about it. (with triggering i mean it makes me angry if i hang out with her and we don´t have sex)

    i even asked her again on the phone 3 days ago but she totally dodged it and i was angry again about her reaction. (yeah i asked her 3 times so far i shouldn´t be so fucking desperate you might say)
    i have to say for me always the physical needs have priority but i also like her and i want to get to know her. you are right there are choices and i can choose not to MO.

    guess i really have to chill out for now and get to know her better. i know, you might see me as someone who just wants the sex. maybe its like that. i just don´t know why i can´t let go and just show some feelings too. its like i only crave the physical things. last time i watched porn was like three quarters of a year ago and its about time to get back to a normal state isn´t it?

    yes, i´m rebooting, i got a lot of 20-30 days streaks and i´m doing quite well.
     
    WreckTangle likes this.
  6. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    You don't get to know a girl better by having sex with her. All you want to do is satisfy your selfish, horny need to get off.

    SHE SAID NO. Stop pressuring her. Don't ask again. Don't hint at it. Don't get angry. Don't make her feel guilty about it. Don't get so hot and heavy that she loses her will because you have put her in that position. Don't be that guy.

    She has made it very clear to you that she does not want to have sex. It doesn't matter her reason. No means no. Period.
     
  7. I agree with @EyesWideOpen that you are putting a lot of pressure on her even though she's tried, several times, in a very nice way to tell you what she wants (or doesn't want.) I think you also need to think about your own reactions to her being honest with you and figure out why you get angry with her for not having sex. She has the right to say no. She isn't being rude or selfish or out of line in any way. But, you being angry that she won't have sex with you is all the more reason for her not to, even if she doesn't know about it.
     
    Tan3110 and Jason_Tesla_19 like this.
  8. ClaritySeeker

    ClaritySeeker Fapstronaut

    Respect her wishes, no means no. There are multiple people telling you the same thing. Once you truly let it go and you get to know her and have fun with her in other ways, then she may choose to reevaluate that decision then. But I would definitely stop pressuring her.
     
    Jason_Tesla_19 likes this.

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