Vanhyrac’s Reboot

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Vanhyrac, Dec 13, 2018.

  1. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    I’ve been extremely blessed in life with a great job, amazing wife, and adorable kids. But there’s a void in my soul because I’ve kept a dark secret. I am addicted to PMO. I’ve been intermittently attempting to quit porn for years. It’s been a continuous part of my life since I was 14 or 15. The longest clean streak I’ve had is probably 60 days about 7 years ago when I was very busy in college. Over the last year my longest streak has been 10 days, with several 5 day streaks. This morning I’ve relapsed twice, and it is embarrassing and demoralizing. This log will hopefully help me in my journey to reboot and permanently quit PMO.
     
  2. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    Well first day fail. I got up earlier than my family, thinking I’d get some work done around the house. Of course I needed to take my morning dump, and then shower. While on the toilet, I don’t have any choice but to be on my phone, obviously. So I check my Instagram, Snapchat, and twitter. This slowly sucks me into the spiral that results in looking at outright porn. This relapse is so dumb and stupid. I just wasted a 45minutes for nothing! I could have already cleaned the garage by now! I’m disappointed in myself for sure. So I guess it’s time to restart the counter and try again. I need to seriously consider taking a book or something to the bathroom with me rather than my phone.
     
  3. Voyager 1

    Voyager 1 Fapstronaut

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    Definitely try a book or newspaper on the John. Don't be too down on yourself!
     
  4. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    Yesterday was successfully clean, and so far so good today.
     
  5. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    I just want to scream! Relapsed again today. I feel so weak and helpless sometimes. I’m tormenting myself over it, although I know I shouldn’t. You only fail if you stop trying, blah blah blah. It’s just so frustration, and frankly astonishing, how I can desire quitting PMO so bad but fall into the same traps over and over again. I just needed to vent a little. All that being said, I do believe I can quit. I know I can, and I’m planning to go I into the new year with a decent streak, and have a PMO free 2019. Porn ruins lives and I need it out of mine. I’m resetting my counter for the last time.
     
  6. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    Today was a better day. I’ve been reading about visualization, and I think it’s working. Basically, to visualize going through the healthy habits and maintaining preventive steps cues up my actions and keeps me on the clean path. You’d think one of the easiest preventative steps would be not taking my phone with me to the bathroom, but unless I’ve mentally prepared and planned to leave it with the specific intent of preventing PMO, I just don’t follow through. #Clean2019
     
  7. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    One more successful day. Feeling positive and optimistic, but I know I need to stay focused.
     
  8. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    I’m working through some urges right now. The emergency button helps for sure, but they keep coming back in waves. It’s amazing how my brain is just craving that hit of dopamine. I will stay strong! I can do this!
     
  9. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    Day 5 is complete. I focused on working around the house today, and being useful in general. When your serving others, it’s easier to not fall into the selfish trap of PMO. My anxiety is improving a little but still present. I’ve noticed improvements already in my sexual performance with my wife. Nofap is already beneficial, I’m excited to get to some big milestones; as always though, one day at a time.
     
  10. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    Today will be one week! I am excited for this milestone. I am so grateful for the blessings of my wife and kids, and focusing on them really helps. I want to feel in my heart that I am a person who doesn’t watch porn, and when I feel like I am fulfilling that person, the man I am to my wife and kids will be the man I truly am. When I relapse I am creating a disgusting hidden part of my life that makes me feel ashamed.
     
  11. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    Seven days in the bank feels good. 10 days is my longest streak in years, I'm going to crush it this time!
     
  12. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    PMO-free Christmas is the best kind! After this post it’s all quality family time and playing with the kids and their presents. Merry Christmas!
     
  13. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    Today will be 10 days! It’s the longest streak I’ve had since March! And before that, years worth of shorter attempts. I’m going strong into 2019. I’m so thankful for my loving family, I know I can do this to be a better father and husband for them.
     
  14. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    Day 11 is wrapping up, and I’m still feeling great! Officially on my longest streak ever. Thank you Jesus!
     
  15. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    Two weeks after today! I’m so much happier when abstaining from PMO. It also give you extra time to accomplish things you’d normally never do.
     
  16. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    15 days PMO-free in the bank! I’m half way to my first clean month ever. I must stay vigilant and not fall into any of the old habits/routines. I plan on having a clean 2019!
     
  17. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    I’m continuing strong on my streak! I am so thankful to God for all the blessings I’ve received. Abstaining from PMO is a small part of my giving the glory to him. He’s given me the strength to resist temptation and overcome. I’ve heard porn useage described as idolatry, and I think that’s so accurate. The ritual act of PMO certainly seems like worshiping a false god.

    “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”
    ‭‭I Corinthians‬ ‭10:13‬ ‭NKJV‬‬
     
  18. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    20 days complete! Praise Jesus! I’m doing some journaling that I think is helping me focus on continuing my self improvement and planning for the future. Focusing on the future includes ensuring I stay PMO-free. Relapse will only destroy my goals of being a better father and husband. On the the next 10 days and my 30 day milestone!
     
  19. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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  20. Vanhyrac

    Vanhyrac Fapstronaut

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    At 24 days things a pretty good. I still have some urges, but generally I’ve been good at avoiding my old triggers/habits that lead to PMO. I am not really seeing any “superpowers”, however I have had some great intimacy with my wife, and my focus at work is better. I will admit though, that I may be shifting my dopamine source from PMO to social media. I’ve attempted to decrease social media use as well by leaving my phone out of reach. This is usually an effective strategy. Utmost though, is God working in my life and changing my heart. I thank God every day for my blessings and ask God to give me strength to resist temptations. 24 days in and it’s worked so far! #clean2019
     

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