Used a religious approach and got an unicorn in return

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by wwtl, May 13, 2019.

  1. wwtl

    wwtl Fapstronaut

    42
    67
    18
    Background: Introvert mid/late 30s gamer hermit, hiding in apartment flat with no job since dropping out of high school, severe social anxiety and depression, no real friends, unable to meet people and do conversation, can't do anything social without anxiety attacks, last contact to other gender 15 years ago, switching between YouTube and porn sites all day long, nihilist world view. PMO addiction since 2000.

    In 2014 was the first time when I found out about YBOP. I managed to quit P for half a year, but not MO, streaks never lasted longer than 1-3 days. Then relapsed completely.

    In late 2017 I found God in the Bible. Now I had someone to pray to and P became sin. Great! To get the P problem solved once and for all, I asked God for a unicorn, a woman companion, who is young and beautiful, a virgin (yeah sure), likes having children, musically gifted like me, and on top of is a Bible-reading Christian (a new criteria I didn't have before). Or in other words: The most unrealistic disney/anime fantasy I could think of. Stuck in my apartment alone with nowhere to go, I couldn't imagine how such a bold prayer could be answered at all - maybe some consolation price in the far future.

    In early 2019 I hit rock bottom in life and asked Jesus to heal me from PMO sin at least for Easter. On Palm Sunday 2019 Jesus set me on NoPMO: No urges for the following 30 days.

    Day 6: Get bold, fight my social anxiety and enter church for the first time. Was a closet Christian until then.

    Day 8-17: Meet up with many new people during various church activities, who actually seem to like me. Get used to leaving the comfort zone all the time now.

    Day 20: Random women on the bus prefer seats next to me instead of plenty other free ones. Don't care about accidental physical contact and jump out of the way, when I start moving to get up.

    Day 22: Social anxiety completely gone. Completely confident now with new and known people.

    Day 25: Unicorn gets delivered. I'm not kidding: 18 years old ravishingly beautiful Bible-savvy girl appears in church recreational activity, states how she loves children, then sings like an angel and plays guitar. After singing the unicorn immediately gets drawn to me and voluntarily sits next to me for more than an hour, asks me about my faith and my conversion story. Nothing prepared me for this, but I explain everything, while staying fully confident and collected. I start sweating at bit, but the brain stays crystal clear the whole time, no nervousness, no anxiety, no intimidation by her beauty at all and no impure thoughts at all. Old self would have completely frozen in place and stared, while stuttering incoherent crap.

    Day 29: Unicorn sits next to me in worship service in front of the whole parish and almost faints when standing up to prayer. Seemingly got a bit overwhelmed by the "aura". I was sweating heavily, but enjoying a crystal-clear mind, being absolutely confident, no nervousness, no anxiety. Stayed completely collected when a band member came along after service and asked me a surprise question about me being with her. Remember those times, when you had appropriate answers one minute after the conversation finished? Not anymore.

    I never ever expected a NoPMO streak to have such an impact on confidence, behavior, decision making and social anxiety, especially not after locking myself in with porn for two decades. Notably the response of women hit me completely unprepared. I wasn't reading these forums, planning any of this or believing in any human "superpowers".

    I suddenly got free from PMO for a few days, decided to keep that streak, then made a bold step and from there it all unfolded like some disney movie. While I didn't have to fight urges very much (yet), I had to leave comfort zone many, many times during that streak. Every third day or so brought a completely new challenge and once I mastered one, God immediately threw in a new one. And there are still new harder challenges coming up (like speaking in front of the whole congregation for my baptism).

    My new life experience still feels a little bit surreal compared to the old one. The unicorn and her reaction hit me completely unexpected. I used to view hot women as completely unreachable. Now everything changed. NoFap is weapon-grade material.

    Conclusion: PMO addiction kills your entire personality and turns you into a complete trainwreck. But recovery is just a few weeks away, even from rock bottom. I just took a crash course in who I really am. It's not "superpowers", it's just regular me, which was hidden under a pile of filth.

    I think while faith helped a lot with getting everything going, starting the "church challenge" along with NoPMO on day 6 instead of just NoPMO was what made it a success. The new people I met had become "accountability partners" without knowing it, because relapsing would mean showing them my broken PMO self. The latter is such a frightening idea, that I'm actually anxious of MO now.

    Beside church I didn't do any of the usual self-improvement stuff (entering gym, cold showers etc.). Some habits changed on their own: I haven't touched a video game in 30 days. (Life became exciting enough.) Final note: All doctors, counselors and psychiatrists I ever visited have completely failed at diagnosing the actual problem and offering a solution.
     
    XD005, rca123, Moonborn and 22 others like this.
  2. llortaton

    llortaton Fapstronaut

    349
    434
    63
    Wow, great story...
    May you live a beautiful life.

    May your wealth multiply, so may your assets, and so may your knowledge.

    Thanks for sharing this story.

    I'm 14... I started PMO last last July. Within 2 weeks, I found out it was a problem. Tried to quit... Did good... Then I forgot about quitting... I'm glad I'm going to end this addiction so early on. :D
     
  3. wwtl

    wwtl Fapstronaut

    42
    67
    18
    You are still young and have everything before you. Don't throw away your whole youth with PMO like me!
     
    Brain Fog, Abu_sameer and 19conquer like this.
  4. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    Incredible story. And you're just getting started! You will know you have made lasting progress when you can confide in some trusted confidantes about your struggle with PMO and God's delivering you from it. You have a powerful story. Keep making wise choices. I am praying for you and cheering you on!
     
  5. llortaton

    llortaton Fapstronaut

    349
    434
    63
    Thanks for the advice, bro...
    I have big dreams...
    I dream to own skyscrapers...
    I dream to invent something... Something that changes the world... something that helps people....
    I dream to be happy... I dream to change my personality...

    I will quit.
     
    justafriend, Brain Fog, wwtl and 2 others like this.
  6. Chappo030891

    Chappo030891 Fapstronaut

    745
    678
    93

    Your Story is unfucking believable, man! I did Nofap for 160 days yet I was a nervous wrek. Your story proves yet again that benefits are subjective and varies for each person. While I had the courage to move to a new location to work and interact with people, I didn't develop a good relation with any of them.

    But your story gives me Hope. Proving that faith can work miracles. Thanks for the post.
     
    wwtl likes this.
  7. llortaton

    llortaton Fapstronaut

    349
    434
    63
    Odd... maybe because you're still afraid of being nervous. Don't think about being nervous, and you wont get nervous.... On day 5, I felt my social anxiety decrease.
     
  8. Ayman.kas

    Ayman.kas Fapstronaut

    35
    54
    18
    truly inspiring!
     
    wwtl likes this.
  9. Chappo030891

    Chappo030891 Fapstronaut

    745
    678
    93

    I think its not that easy for me. I have been like that as far as I can remember. I was socially awkward even before I began PMO'ing...but after 2 weeks into the streak I can notice changes....but then I need to constantly make an effort to be happy and outgoing.
     
    Christian Fox and llortaton like this.
  10. selfimprovement8008

    selfimprovement8008 Fapstronaut

    137
    105
    43
    Each of us has our own tests in life ( I myself believe from God) and some of us take time, initiative, hitting rock bottom, accidentally the list goes on.
     
    wwtl likes this.
  11. wwtl

    wwtl Fapstronaut

    42
    67
    18
    Thank you guys, for your replies and encouragement.

    As I mentioned I wasn't really believing in "superpowers". Being a little bit less depressed, so I might be able to finish a video game again, was all I asked for in 2014, when tried it for the first time . Back then I didn't change anything else in life. Just sat at home and tried withstanding the urges. In my reformed world view P became sin separating me from God, so I had a more pressing reason to get rid of it (MO did go as well, but that wasn't planned).

    Social anxiety and insecureness didn't start to fade away until I started working on it (by constantly meeting new well-meaning people). The first step was really hard to do and the whole process didn't feel like a miracle. Fighting anxiety and leaving comfort zone over and over again was hard work. I think I was so absorbed in those challenges, that I forgot about urges. Successfully fighting those battles and overcoming fear is also a trait, women notice and appreciate, which might have changed me to the better in this regard.

    Yet the real miracle happened entirely unexpected. It's not that I've never seen impressive women, but I never dared to approach them. The idea that I talk to attractive girls and treat them like normal people outside of video games, was from an entirely different universe for me. That even I got approached and handled it this well, still feels surreal. This didn't happen since primary school. I read the other thread ("Why a woman approached me for the first time in my life.") on day 15 or so and told myself: "This sounds incredible, but it never going to happen to me, I'm not that kind of guy, I'm still a gamer with no real experience."

    In fact I got so confused by this turn of events, that I asked God, why I get tempted now. It took me full five days (from 25 to 30) to realize, that my old hyperbolic fairy tale prayer I completely forgot about had been answered. Like literally answered, the whole list, word by word.

    Still all this would have been impossible without a clear and settled mind. This is in fact the most noticeable benefit I got from NoPMO. The constant chaos of random thoughts and distractions is gone. I can think stuff through and quickly make useful decisions without pondering hours over them. Processing speed has increased tremendously. Even when bodily symptoms show up (sweating, trembling), they don't affect brain function at all. At one occurrence someone noticed it and tried to calm me down, assuming my state of mind, which was still "I'm in full control of everything" the whole time. This then leads to confidence, which people notice and appreciate.

    In daily life I still have to fight old habits like carefully thinking through what I say before asking the clerk in a store for example. I don't have to do that anymore, I can express thoughts as they come up and make up conversation on the spot. In my past I had to go through every phone call I had to make beforehand in full detail to not screw up. Now someone took my transmission out of first gear into drive, so the accelerator actually does its job.
     
    justafriend and Christian Fox like this.
  12. arkad1

    arkad1 Fapstronaut

    161
    65
    28
    Your story is very interesting, i'm happy for you, but i still don't believe the woman attraction thing...
     
  13. wwtl

    wwtl Fapstronaut

    42
    67
    18
    No problem, you can excuse that as God's work. ;) Though with NoFap itself being a strictly secular, they are looking for empirical evidence and I fully understand that. Let me quickly compile it from that viewpoint:

    1. Man made a promise to himself and due to powerful auto-suggestion or circumstances goes NoPMO later.
    2. Due to his brain recovering he is able to leave comfort zone after a few days and chooses to start a "social anxiety recovery" program, which incurs various social challenges to master every few days.
    3. Fighting hard against various fears and succeeding in beating those challenges leads to confidence and self-assurance.
    4. Due to retention, testosterone levels increase, which leads to a vastly different pheromone composition.
    5. The resulting charisma (fearless, confident, convincing) impresses a young, inexperienced woman and she approaches the man, pheromones do the rest.
    6. Thanks to a healed brain, the man is able to stay relaxed and confident in conversation, which makes her want this man, because he is so different from all those insecure fapping addicts in her age group.

    We have to leave out various parts, like that the man auto-suggested the woman to himself years before and that the first steps were made out of obedience to an invisible entity and not because it felt good. But it will still work pretty well for non-believers I think.
     
    Hros and selfimprovement8008 like this.
  14. llortaton

    llortaton Fapstronaut

    349
    434
    63
    Makes sense...Some people are just socially awkward. You can improve that, by getting out of your comfort zone.
     
  15. arkad1

    arkad1 Fapstronaut

    161
    65
    28
    Yes, i've done 170 days hardmode, and never see any woman attraction or things like that.
     
  16. wwtl

    wwtl Fapstronaut

    42
    67
    18
    Wow, I became love-sick within a week. This didn't happen this quick in my past encounters (it usually took multiple weeks to multiple months). Now being under body's own drugs concentration suffers countering some NoPMO benefits. Also I'm useless as NoFap study material now...

    However I noticed some (new) benefits:

    1. Zingers work now. They come up on the spot with perfect timing. I always had them in the past under PMO, but they were always 3-5 seconds too late (and not funny anymore, when I choose to speak them). I enjoy this new gift, because I can now be as funny or snarky, as I was meant to be.

    2. Confidence is still there. While there is turmoil in the stomach, I can still do conversation, be funny and make eye contact with the love interest. I'm really glad about that. I remember the last time I was lovesick with a PMO-damaged brain, I turned into a complete wreck, behaving like a drunk and were unable to do anything useful.

    3. I can read the woman like an open book. In the past I couldn't read anything out of humans. I was even incapable of correctly discerning moods. It is as if my brain now recognizes all those little small details in behavior and can make sense of it.

    One positive side-effect of this dreadful feeling is that I'm unable to relapse now. Yesterday was urging pretty hard.

    Did you only do hard mode or accompanying self-improvement programs as well? My theory is that just NoFap alone isn't enough. Many guys start other endeavors once their brain starts recovering.

    I would recommend combining NoPMO with daily exercise. Doesn't have to be muscle-stretching gym stuff, walking or hiking for one two two hours per day already does wonders. Humans were built for this.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2019
    Christian Fox likes this.
  17. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    The new-found confidence is great, but do not let it go to your head. What you are experiencing are your perceptions of finally being dialed into reality and having your head out of a fog for the first time in a while. You feel more engaged, and your mind feels sharp and agile. This is terrific! But you probably have not become an entirely new person in the last 30 days, capable now of feats that lie beyond the ken of mere mortals.

    I wish you continued success and would encourage you not to discard humility. It will continue to serve you well as an ever-present traveling companion.

    No PMO, no matter what. One day at a time, one thought at a time. Onward and upward!
     
    justafriend and Christian Fox like this.
  18. wwtl

    wwtl Fapstronaut

    42
    67
    18
    I became the person I actually was meant to be, before I got stuck in PMO. It's just "back to normal", not "superpowers".

    Also you can get used to leaving the comfort zone on a regular schedule. And this is the best self improvement program you can start actually. Many people leave it once in a blue moon and are relieved, when they have put that experience behind them. Instead do it over and over again. Try, fail and succeed at stuff you are "not capable of" as often as you can. And after enough repeats you are not afraid of new experiences anymore. The next challenge is just that: another challenge - and not that life-threatening terror you feel the first times.

    There is still so much hard stuff to do and experience my gamer hermit self has never done before. Stuff normal people do, but hermits who never come out of their room don't. People out there in real life assume that you are a normal mid/late 30s man and can do them. Every single new task would cause the worst anxiety nightmares, if I had presented it to my old PMO self.

    But now I simply got used to doing stuff I never did before in my life. This is my new normal. This won't change in the foreseeable future, as there is so much left to catch up on. It's not that I have a choice anyway. I'm accountable to people now and I made commitments. I simply cannot back out and go back hide in my apartment (and relapse).

    In my bedroom I thank the Lord every day for what He did for me when He started me on this journey. Over here at NoFap I try to be as encouraging as possible, to help others defeat their addiction demons.
     
    Christian Fox and Tao Jones like this.
  19. arkad1

    arkad1 Fapstronaut

    161
    65
    28

    I did only nopmo, the withdrawal symptoms were too hard.
    I did all the other things before, gym, self-help etc.

    Woman attraction is totally a placebo.
     
  20. wwtl

    wwtl Fapstronaut

    42
    67
    18
    Recently I visited a counselor again, I had visited at the start of my streak. He told me on his own, that I changed completely from the last visit one month ago. My whole behavior changed from insecure and defensive to confident and outgoing (his words).

    My beautiful unicorn changed behavior as well. She turned from confident to shy, because she is now intimidated by the man, who is me. This is incredible, because this is the natural power balance between sexes how it's supposed to be. P turns the whole world upside down.
     

Share This Page