Well Hannah, don't beat yourself up. It happens to the best of the best of the seasoned holders of sobriety. You made it what, 40 days? That's nothing to frown upon. That's awesome. Now you know what your bar is. 40 days. You also know you have this trigger. Looking up sex toys. That led you to look up soft porn. That led you into the bathroom to medicate. Now that you know what to look for, you have the tools necessary to avoid it. Don't look at this as a failure. Look at it as a learning opportunity, restart your program, and go again shooting for the 40 days one day at a time. Because at the end of the day, you know you can do 40 days. Dust yourself off, climb back up on the saddle, and ride that horse again. Oh, and BTW, know this: your 40 days is not lost. You've still got that recovery in your brain. Remember that. Each time you go through this exercise, you'll see a reduction in magnitude, frequency, and duration of your PMO.