Update

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Hannah II, Oct 10, 2017.

  1. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Well Hannah, don't beat yourself up. It happens to the best of the best of the seasoned holders of sobriety. You made it what, 40 days? That's nothing to frown upon. That's awesome. Now you know what your bar is. 40 days. You also know you have this trigger. Looking up sex toys. That led you to look up soft porn. That led you into the bathroom to medicate. Now that you know what to look for, you have the tools necessary to avoid it. Don't look at this as a failure. Look at it as a learning opportunity, restart your program, and go again shooting for the 40 days one day at a time. Because at the end of the day, you know you can do 40 days. Dust yourself off, climb back up on the saddle, and ride that horse again. Oh, and BTW, know this: your 40 days is not lost. You've still got that recovery in your brain. Remember that. Each time you go through this exercise, you'll see a reduction in magnitude, frequency, and duration of your PMO.
     
    Hannah II likes this.
  2. As a grown up you should be able to control your impulses and have a natural contact without any hurry with a mature adult, praying won't help if you keep repeating the same mistakes over and over... Stop thinking about sex, and you will be fine. There is a trick that if you are the entire day thinking about the negative sides of a problem, you will never ever achieve and get a solution, there is this rule in the universe that you attract what your concerns are about, screw the concerns and focus on good things, say thanks instead of saying sorry, visualize you'r having a good quality day with your boyfriend instead of being disgusted about you next P/PM/PMO...


     
  3. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    "As a dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly." (Proverbs 26:11)

    Unfortunately, this has been my experience. I acted out again the past couple days. And I went all the way, as I couldn't resist watching soft porn while masturbating. There is still this scene going round in my head with two naked people indulging in their sexual union. I've been praying to God to help me detesting these films, as they portray nothing but fornication. The thing is that I'm craving this in the right context, i. e. within a marital relationship, for which I still don't have any prospects right now.

    Yesterday, I saw my gynecologist for my annual check-up. I thought it could give me some satisfaction if at least my doctor would touch my private parts, however as usual it was not really fulfilling. It's non-sexual touch after all.

    So I have to continue and keep enduring these unfulfilled longings. Tomorrow, we will have Communion service at my church. This will be a good start into a new streak of sobriety...
     
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  4. What has helped me avoid porn much of the time is realising that the porn industry isn’t always ethical. There is usually no reliable way of telling if a clip you are watching involves actors forced into it, perhaps even victims of sex trafficking. I don’t want to risk supporting such evil treatment by watching their videos.

    Like the Proverbs quote - it is very relevant to our struggles.
     
    Hannah II likes this.
  5. freeit

    freeit Fapstronaut

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    Hannah.. I just read your updates completely.
    I understand it's hard to stop PMO.
    But stay strong and keep yourself busy.
    And I like the fact that you are not shying away from this website and admitting all your PMO attempts.
    If you're interested, look at our challange. We are a group of people working together to stop PMO for a minimum of 4 weeks initially. We are doing pretty good.
    Hope this helps.
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2019
    cloudhugs5 and Hannah II like this.
  6. Beautiful_Life

    Beautiful_Life Fapstronaut

    Hi Anna!!
    I recommend you praying the Chaplet to the Divine Mercy at 15:00..At this hour of his death, Jesus promised us He would grant us with everything we ask for if it’s his will. Have faith in Him, Nothing is impossible for Him. In my case it has helped me to feel closer to Him and go finally away from PMO after years and years :)
     
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  7. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    So I have to start at zero again as of now. I didn't only MO, but I also watched soft porn again - as if I would need something stronger than my fantasy to get me off. And it all started with a harmless search on google on something that had absolutely nothing to do with sex! It really worries me, and I'm ashamed of my actions. I've been asking the Lord to help me to abhor these sex scenes on YouTube, but without success so far. Oh God, I'm asking you again to help me to hate this, and to gladly follow your ways, even if they are stony, and even if it means I will need to forego this nice feeling until you send me a husband!
     
  8. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    I'm very thankful I made it to 8 Days without PMO. The day after I acted out last, I went to visit dear friends for a long weekend. We had a wonderful spirit-filled fellowship, and I had no urges to lay hands on myself. Of course my sexual fantasies are another thing. I keep imagining how wonderful sex with my future husband would be. That's the hardest to control, but at least it doesn't lead me to PMO. I pray that I can hold on now...
     
  9. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    After 17 days being PMO free, I now feel the urges coming back. Today, there was no afternoon programme at church so I'm home early. So I have too much time on my hand. I just looked up some material on the internet on how to stop masturbating. There was one clip on YouTube I watched, but I saw on the right hand on the screen a suggestion for a clip on how to stimulate a woman orally. Thank God, I managed to close the whole thing. The thing is I still feel like looking for some soft porn and laying hands on myself. Oh my, I really thought I'm over this by now...
     

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