Update

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Hannah II, Oct 10, 2017.

  1. Jen@8675309

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    I've spoken to one other lady that also did this 'birthing' simulation. It doesn't seem inherently wrong to me and if it doesn't impact your reboot I don't really see anything wrong with it. Of course be on guard because you're putting yourself in a vulnerable situation, being naked etc. and the opportunity will be there to indulge.
     
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  2. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    Thank you Jen - I agree with you that I'm putting myself in a vulnerable situation, but so far I've made it without indulging again. As for my doll, I have her now lie next to me in my bed. I haven't done the birthing simulation again, however I breastfeed her from time to time :). She is such a nice doll - always smiling, never screaming. That's so much easier than a real child! I've also renamed her "Hannah", as this is how I would have named my first daughter :).

    Last week, I went for a full body massage. It was at an Asian place again, however not Thai. It's a Chinese place, and the lady did a good job. Actually, last time I went there, the masseuse did not include my breasts, however this time she did - in a very nice, non-invasive way. I really enjoyed the whole thing; although I found Swedish massage is a bit better for relaxation of the back muscles. However, there is no Swedish massage place near my home. The only thing was that this lady came close to my crotch from time to time, and this caused some wetness. But last week I was way too stressed and exhausted to engage in MO anyway.
     
  3. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    Ok, here I'm back again at square 1...

    Have been acting out on and off these past weeks. Did it a few times in the past days. This morning, my mind wandered again into this direction, so I ended up doing it. But then I kept myself busy and didn't plan on doing it again. However, when I went up to my apartment after a long walk, I heard the neighbour lady masturbating in her apartment while passing by! So unfortunately, this animated me to do it again...

    I really want to break this vicious cycle. I have gone long streaks without stimulating myself in any way, I know I can do it. But again, my flesh seems to be so weak...
     
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  4. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    Gracias Freedom lover - pero confiar en Dios es lo mas importante!
     
  5. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    Did it one more time while resting after sauna yesterday. But I really want to break that cycle now. This morning I've managed, in spite of the touch hunger after waking up. Today I'm traveling to my home country to see friends and family; and also for work. On the one hand, I will be rather busy, but of course I'm much more relaxed now not having to go to work until next week, so I really need to stay focused and at the same time distracted from sexual thoughts...
     
  6. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    Ok, I was good for about four days, but back to square one again. After my visit home, I was sitting in the train yesterday. It was dark already and I was almost alone in the compartment (there was only one lady sitting two rows back who couldn't see me). So during the last half hour of my journey, I had this bright idea to watch some soft porn on YouTube - and then of course I couldn't contain myself anymore. Even stimulated myself while I was still sitting in the train. And another session followed early this morning. I'm still craving right now of course. But it's the intimate touch that I'm mostly craving, and it's getting unbearable. The thing is I don't even know where I stand in my monthly cycle right now, as I'm having some premenopausal symptoms. But of course I have to live with my hormones and my sex drive anyway. I just wonder if there is any good Christian man out there who would be able to deal with my sex drive!

    So having my devotions this morning, I'm sobered and humbled again by the words in 1 Corinthians 6:19: "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's."

    May the Lord help me and all who desire it these days to honour Him in what we do with our bodies!
     
  7. Alexander Pollmann

    Alexander Pollmann Fapstronaut

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    Hino, Hannah. I was wondering: are you able to have some dates in the next couple of months? Maybe you can gain something by living a relationship and having other expectations besides sex. There are good dating sites everywhere - in my country, even ones specialized for Christians. Maybe you should give a try.
     
  8. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    Haha, Alexander - that's so nice of you! Thank you very much for the advice, but herewith I would like to inform you that I have been on every possible dating site out there - not even only the ones of my denomination, but also other Christian and even a secular one. I actually started this about 15 years ago - on and off. The result is that I met a lot of wonderful people and have made even lasting friendships that resulted from encounters through these websites. However, I have also experienced quite a few heartbreaks (at least two that I can think of right now). And in the past years, I have been unsuccessful altogether to find "my other half" through these media. But that's ok! In fact, there is somebody that I really like, and we recently got back in touch again. We have now started writing each other (he lives in my home country, but I'm in the neighbouring country), and I hope we can keep this email and maybe also phone contact going until we will see each other at an event in Paris next spring. I would appreciate your prayers!
     
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  9. Alexander Pollmann

    Alexander Pollmann Fapstronaut

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    That is nice to hear from you! I hope that you can find a good man soon.
    I will be in Europe next year. Maybe we can also talk to each other.
     
  10. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    Haha, you are really funny Alexander! Do you know that you could be my son? :)
     
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  11. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    I can't believe I haven't masturbated for 30 days. I'm so thankful that with the Lord's help, I've been able to keep myself busy enough - with reaching out to others and serving opportunities, as well as my daily work and household chores. However, these sexual fantasies keep coming back. I'm so hoping for a relationship with this young man I really like. Nevertheless, I realize that, even if the miracle happens and we get together, I would have to restrain myself, as I don't believe in premarital sex. So I have to control that, otherwise I set up myself for disaster. I so wish to see that day soon when I can have not only legitimate fantasies, but also legitimate sex!
     
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  12. Elias Smith

    Elias Smith Fapstronaut

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    30 days is a great accomplishment .Congratulations.
     
  13. Sun_shine

    Sun_shine Fapstronaut

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    Well done on reaching 30 days Great work !

     
  14. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    I've been going through a series of resets lately. No idea how to stop that. This longing is so intense. I also keep fantasizing about having sex with my future husband - of course that's the root of everything. Now I'm going on vacation and will even have more discretionary time at hand. That's not a good thing. I will really need to keep myself busy these days!
     
  15. Elias Smith

    Elias Smith Fapstronaut

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    Hannah, I certainly understand the resets .It is frustrating, and afterwards you feel bad and say to yourself why do I keep doing something that makes me feel bad. It's like waking up with a hangover after a drinking binge. Everyone on this site has been through it .

    I would remind you that you recently had a 30 day streak. that's pretty good.

    So, time to start over. You AND me. Let's do this together. I'm at one day, so I have a big head start. We can do this
     
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  16. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    Tonight I'm thankful that I made it to 31 days without laying hands on myself. Actually, it hasn't been difficult not to engage in masturbation. Of course there is still this intense longing for physical intimacy - can't ignore that. I'm also still fantasizing about having wonderful marital sex. I keep praying that God may send me my husband this year. It would be so wonderful if my prayers would be finally answered after so many years. In the meantime, I just hope and pray that I can stay strong. I know i still have a difficult road ahead...
     
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  17. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Congrats @Hannah II. Proud of you. Well done young lady!
     
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  18. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    I'm a bit upset with myself. Just this morning, I prayed a special prayer asking the Lord to cleanse me from my sins and my impurities. And now I'm bored in my office and I started reading customer reviews for sex toys again! Of course I'm aroused now, and I feel like I want to try out again such toys. It's really hard not to have an outlet for my cravings, but I have to remain strong!
     
  19. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    I don't know what prompted you to decide to try out some new toys, but let's see if you can find something else to go read about. This will pass if you can just get past the next hour of it usually.
     
  20. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    Well, I didn't really get past the next hours, as I even started perusing YouTube again for some soft porn scenes - and just now I ended up in the bathroom at my office and MO'd again. Unfortunately, I'm realizing that this was the dopamine kick that I had been craving over the past few weeks of sobriety...
     

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