Update

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Hannah II, Oct 10, 2017.

  1. "Everyone or everything can be outdone" ~Gordon Moore~
     
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  3. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    So I'm on day 5 now and it's been going pretty well. However last night the strangest thing happened to me: I had an orgasm in my sleep! I was actually dreaming that I was masturbating. In my dream, I knew that I shouldn't be doing it, but I did it anyway - and then the orgasm woke me up! But I noticed my hands were not anywhere near my genitals, so I couldn't have done it in reality. Any ladies out here who have had a similar experience?
     
  4. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Yes I O in my sleep sometimes. This is what men call a wet dream I guess. It is an O which happens entirely in the brain though, as when I wake there is no feeling down there of sensitivity.
     
  5. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    I’ve had dreams like that but they never end up being that enjoyable or I’ve never been able to O during them because even in my dreams I’m feeling guilty and I’m hard on myself! So it never gets that far.
     
  6. Lovable king

    Lovable king Fapstronaut

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    You are best writer
     
  7. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    I just did it again. It all started when I came home from church and took a sunbath in front of my window. Initially, I did ask the Lord for help, but I didn't really grasp His hand. Of course I knew He wouldn't hold me back. Sin is a choice after all. Yes, it's this difficult time of the month again and I've had fantasies about having marital sex. It's still quite difficult for me to cope with my singleness. I'm glad that I will go to camp meeting tomorrow and I really hope for a spiritual renewal during the week to come. I want to abhor self-pleasure again - want to be repulsed by laying hands on myself; as I used to be after I had heard such a powerful sermon on this topic about 15 years ago. Oh Lord please help me to stay sober and be a pure vessel in Your hands!
     
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  8. narsicheon

    narsicheon Fapstronaut

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    Keep on fighting. Your journal is very comforting to me because we are very similar! I find that I tend to MO when I’m alone and bored and sometimes well because I just want to hahah.
    Often I try to pray for those feelings to subside and they do. Other times I don’t even bother to pray about it because I like the feeling. I guess that is what I’m currebtly struggling with. I’ve been single all of my life and I just want to find that special someone to share intimate moments with.
    I know it is possible though. Self control is difficulty to obtain but not impossible. I find that it’s kind of like when I’m dieting or fasting from certain foods. At least with MO, we can crave it but our bodies don’t necessarily need to be “nourished” by it like actual food or water. This is what I try to remind myself of all the time. Hang in there girl!
     
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  9. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    It's been an interesting and blessed week in many respects. So I went to camp meeting the Sunday before last, and especially in the beginning I was extremely busy with all my tasks. On Tuesday/Wednesday, I started feeling a scratch in my throat, and by Friday I was full blown sick with a cold and laryngitis. Nevertheless, the bible camp was very very blessed, and I'm so thankful for this spiritual renewal. And yes, I came to a point to abhor masturbation. Martial sex will be soooo much better, and it's really worth waiting. I even started hoping again about this young man my age that I've been interested in the recent past. But I have peace in this matter. If it's God's will that we get together, He will lead that in the right timing.

    OK guys (and gals), be aware if you have difficulties, because the following may contain some TRIGGERS!!!

    Nevertheless, I'm so horny right now. I think the fact that I'm extremely tired because of sickness and sleep deprivation doesn't really make it easier for me to choose the right decision what to do and what not. It started already at the end of camp meeting that I felt like I wanted to act out - just to "play around" with myself a bit, without triggering an orgasm. In fact, I started moaning and simulating an orgasm. But this morning, I realized that I was placing myself on dangerous ground. So I remembered that it helped me to talk with God about my most intimate desires. So I told Him what I would like to experience. And in order to prevent worse things to happen, I then imagined being at my gynecologists office and he would do the usual routine check-up with me. I described each stop of the examination and how I liked his gentle touch (my gynecologist is gay by the way :)).

    Anyway, I'm still horny, and I would like to go to bed now and hug my pillows. I think I will do that - even though the pillows won't give me what I so desperately crave... :-(
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2018
  10. Alexander Pollmann

    Alexander Pollmann Fapstronaut

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    So, that was a Saturday. Are you an Adventist?
     
  11. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    Yes I am!
     
  12. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    It's been 23 days and I'm still sober - at least I haven't gone all the way to get my dopamine kick! Admittedly, I've edged a bit a few times, but never gone all the way - in spite of my enormous cravings. Although I've been on vacation most of the time, these past weeks have been very busy. Our camp meeting was a tremendous spiritual blessing. Unfortunately, I got sick while there, nevertheless it was a great experience again. I was so filled afterwards, and I truly came to a point when I felt repulsed by the mere thought of ever masturbating again. However, I was also physically exhausted, and this has often been a trap for me to fall back into old patterns of behavior. But I turned the corner and got busy with other things again. This past week, I had some dear friends from the US visiting me, so that was a blessing. They left this morning, and while they were still here, I got hit by this cravings again. I got up really early this morning, but went back to bed before breakfast time. I just wanted to relax and pray, and then I became aware of this huge touch hunger again. So I started sharing with God what I was craving and what exactly I would want my husband to do with me right now (if he existed). I found this a great way to conquer this sin. After all, God invented sex as something beautiful between husband and wife, and thus He knows all about it! So I didn't get undressed, didn't touch myself too intensely; and I endured. Right now, it's still difficult for me lying on my sofa and writing down this experience, but I have to head back to my office right now, so no time to get into trouble right now :)!
     
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  13. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    Ok, back to zero again...

    Well, it's quite normal at this time of year that I act out at some point. In late summer/early fall, my hormones are always even more raging than usual (and I know that doesn't only apply to me - it's a known fact that the majority of babies are born in May/June...). I've also been exhausted - after having been ill in August and then running around with visitors, plus juggling my full-time work and many church activities besides. And this doesn't really help to contain myself.

    So last night, I woke up again and couldn't go back to sleep because of so many (positive) things going around my mind - including a young man that I'm interested in...

    So I got up and wrote some email/What's App correspondence. Then I somehow felt sleepy enough to lie down again, but still there were so many thoughts and also fantasies, which included this man. So finally, also for the sake of being able to calm down and relax, I gave in to masturbation again.I'm not going to go into details now, but the O was much less pleasurable than most of the time; however the relaxed feeling afterwards was. The problem was that I felt like doing it again right away. However, I didn't want to stimulate myself too hard. So I paused, but eventually, after some edging, I went all the way a second time. Now I don't know how to stop. It's so difficult to stop once I have given in. Right now, I feel like going home and acting out again... It's good that I can't do it comfortably here at my work place... Oh God help me!
     
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  14. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    Little PS: I'm really horny today. I can feel that I'm ovulating. So that means within a few days I'll be better. But I would so much like to act out some more. It's so hard not to have an outlet for my sexual cravings...
     
  15. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    PPS: I just did it in the bathroom at my workplace. Didn't want to wait until home. Actually, I'm becoming somewhat defiant towards God. Because He hasn't given me a husband yet, I feel I have the "right" to act out this way.

    What do you think about this attitude my fellow Christians?
     
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  16. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    ...because that's helpful. Do you think that being defiant toward the God you purport to worship is the answer? What do I "...think about this attitude..." toward that? Hmm! I think you are asking God to embrace your Will and ignoring his. You go ahead and masturbate because you have the right. In the meantime, consider this. Your defiance? That isn't hurting God. It's hurting you. And where you claimed that the orgasm wasn't as good previously above? That stands to reason. That's how addiction manifests itself until you keep pumping a reactor until it reaches critical mass, and then it becomes an unsustainable and uncontrollable reaction, and all hell breaks loose. When you masturbate the first time to something, it's exhilarating. When you do it a second time, it's half as effective as the previous one. The next time, it's half again as effective as the previous one which means it is 25% of the first. By the time you have done this 10 times, it is 500 times less effective than the first. I could show you mathematically why this is true, but that doesn't matter. What matters is, and you know this, eventually, whatever fantasy you are masturbating to? It will become totally ineffective eventually. Don't lay blame for any of this on God. If is mankind that managed to fuck things up pardon my expression. In essence, I think your attitude sux. But I also see you seeking out for answers and help. I'm glad. I had rather you reach out to me for help than I had for you to fall victim to your addiction. Because usually, when these urges strike, they are over within the hour until the next urge hits. That is the key. Create a support network that you can reach out to when you have these urges. I have a couple of dozen that I can reach out to. Now I don't need them any longer. You can get there too. Don't give up. If you want it, you can have it. Hope this helps you!
     
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  17. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    Ok, I'm still strong. Actually I don't feel like masturbating at all these days. In fact, if I had a husband, I wouldn't let him even touch me right now. It's weird, because usually I'm in the "sex mood" every single day (i. e. theoretically being ready to have sex with my husband if I had one), except maybe the first two days of my monthly cycle. But I remember this has happened to me before. I guess it's because I have processed many things lately, and I have also relived some of my past (mainly unpleasant and painful) sexual experiences that I had way back in the 90s (I've been unintentional celibate since 1995).

    But yesterday, something really strange happened. I have a doll at home, which was my favorite one when I was a child. So what I ended up doing is I simulated giving birth to this doll and then to feed her at my breasts! It's not that I have any desire to experience child birth etc. in reality (now at past 40 I'm over that). But I guess that's part of my recovery process. Because up till yesterday, I would rather simulate being intimate with a man and to have sexual intercourse etc. But now I only want to simulate giving birth to a baby! I think I will do that again tonight. Even though I'll be naked while I'm doing it, I'm not afraid to start fapping, as I don't feel like it at all! So this is a way I can still act out right now, but without falling into sin. That's great! :)
     
  18. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Be very careful with your substitutions. This "birthing" experience I haven't come across before. But As @AnonymousAnnaXOXO will tell you, addiction substitutions come in many forms...like Cars for example. I would highly advise you to rafrain from this experience. I can't exactly tell you why. I can only tell you that it is inherently wrong for someone who has the potential to do these things.
     
  19. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Ghostwriter for your input. I know my behaviour is not quite normal :). And I would definitely not want anybody to see me doing this! I appreciate your warning, but I'm not planning to act out like this on a regular basis from now on. In fact, I'm really hoping to be married in the not too far remote future.
     
  20. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Well, in your pursuit of happiness, I certainly hope you can achieve that.
     
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