Update

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Hannah II, Oct 10, 2017.

  1. Fantasies we all have at all times, but we just get stronger not to let it pass the limits because we make the decisions ourselves, no one else will... now I am more motivated that I have opened my heart to start flirting face to face with girls and then try to get one or two numbers and see from there, I hope my soulmate will show up shortly, but my goal here is not sex, but have a beautiful time at any occasion and get to know someone without expecting much, but letting it happen, like a normal natural thing, you know :)
     
    Hannah II and Mindy like this.
  2. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

    92
    129
    33
    Well, I'm back to square one...

    Yesterday, there was a "Pride parade" in my city - those LGTB community festivals. I had to pass through it after church in order to get to the metro station. I was repulsed by it, however I googled it at home and through that I ended up at a website of a group named "Sex Positive", which apparently is a world wide movement with chapters everywhere. I read a little bit about their activities (all kinds of meetings where they do immoral things), and this somehow fueled my fantasy. So just now, I even read a bit more about their events, and then I ended up masturbating :-(. Well, at least I didn't watch anything on YouTube while doing it...
     
  3. Teuthtobetold1

    Teuthtobetold1 Fapstronaut

    214
    155
    43
    Don give up! Believe in yourself and be aware of how the brain will trick u into pmo again. The brain will give us unlimited ways of tricking us back into pmo, its up to ur experience to know what triggers and how to avoid it. Tbh fantasy is kinda like porn because its not love between two people and u are not focusing on reality when u do it. Anyway don give up!
     
    Hannah II likes this.
  4. Each time someone give up, It makes me stronger...lol... As far you can control It's fine... But masturbation sounds to primitive to me since 20 years ago I have thought about this weird act, you can't go wrong with the natural thing, but I hope you will keep your streak increasing ... :)
     
    goodnice likes this.
  5. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

    92
    129
    33
    So it's been 21 days that I've masturbated the last time. That's good news of course, however as I was lying in bed yesterday night, I was considering to give myself pleasure again. It's my "hot phase" again (i. e. the second week of my monthly cycle) and these cravings are coming back. I'm also still having fantasies. It's really hard. "Lord, make me willing to be willing!" That's my prayer for today...
     
    Scott93 likes this.
  6. Scott93

    Scott93 Fapstronaut

    I'm very new to prayer and I'm glad I'm not the only one praying for the power to want to want it lol. Well done on 21days!
     
    Hannah II likes this.
  7. 21 days not bad... get busy or distracted when the evil mind hits in... It is easier to control your mind than you think, the less you think about sexual contact or fantasies the better, it get easier as the times passes, and keep it natural with a loyal mate no PMO or PM ;)
     
  8. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

    92
    129
    33
    So it's been 33 days and I haven't had any major struggles in the recent past. In fact, I've hardly thought about MO. So I'm very thankful for that. Right now, I'm on my period, so that's my safe haven anyway :). But I know I need to be vigilant. I'm sure the cravings will increase again sooner or later...
     
    Scott93 likes this.
  9. Sure cravings will come and go. In my case I am on day 84, and I have overcame so many cravings, specially yesterday that I couldn't even sleep due the hardest craving I ever had, but I try not to even think of MO, so the trick is to switch these thoughts to a real romantic way, for example: "Do it on the natural way with the person who will be with you for the rest of your life". This person will be there sooner or later, but yes, if the craving comes, it is only for the real natural contact, but no rush with that. I am working on that. This PMO or primitive MO habit and the control of being absent from it, teaches us so many things on a daily basis :)

    I hope you keep it up and don't ever MO again, you know there is no point in MO :D Keep it natural and your entire life will change.
     
    goodnice and Hannah II like this.
  10. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

    92
    129
    33
    So I had made it 38 days without any major temptations to MO, however I just had to reset my counter again :/

    We had an afternoon programme at church today, but since I was tired, I decided to go home after potluck. Then I had this bright idea to take a sunbath on the floor of my bedroom with the window wide open. Nobody was able to see me and I got undressed - and the rest is history. What bothers me is that I didn't even try not to engage in MO - I didn't even think twice. Too bad that I cannot even do healthy things like sunbathing without getting into trouble. So back to square one...
     
  11. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

    363
    981
    93
    Girl I can relate. Whenever I relapse it’s like I don’t even try to stop. I wish I had it in me to fight harder but the second I’m in the zone there’s no turning back. I feel you.
     
    Scott93 and Hannah II like this.
  12. What about being undressed more often until you get used to being undressed? Like on these warm days in EU I do sleep undressed for some nights, there is nothing wrong with that :) Self control is a choice.
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2018
  13. laststraw8921

    laststraw8921 Fapstronaut

    77
    78
    18
    Being in the zone is too much for us. We can't be near it. Once I'm close to it I have to literally walk it off. Corny but it helps.
     
  14. Agatha

    Agatha Fapstronaut

    46
    69
    18
    Hannah, reading your posts helped me today. Thank you for being so honest. God bless your new beginning!
     
    Hannah II likes this.
  15. Unflinching

    Unflinching Fapstronaut

    83
    63
    18
  16. Hannah II

    Hannah II Fapstronaut

    92
    129
    33
    I just masturbated to soft porn. It all started at work this afternoon, when I got bored and so I ended up watching videos on YouTube. I had actually planned, when I get home, to finish myself off without watching these stupid, sinful clips. But just like a pig I wallowed myself completely in the dirt...

    I think the main issue is not that I'm in the "hot phase" of my monthly cycle right now. The main problem is that I haven't really been willing to be made willing. God will not hinder me from watching inappropriate stuff and from laying hands on myself. In a way, that's good of course, as He created me like every human with a free will. On the other hand, it's sometimes really challenging for me to apply self-control. In a way, I'm living a double life. At church, I'm the committed and devoted woman who acts as a good example and who calls sin by its name. Not even my closest friends know about my addiction. Only in such anonymous forums like this I feel free to share.

    Indeed, I think it would be so much easier if I had a husband. However, having somebody to satisfy my physical needs may not resolve the root of my problem, which is self-control. This is something one has to apply even within a marriage relationship. So I'd better learn that before. Oh Lord, please help me!
     
    Mindy and Agatha like this.
  17. goodnice

    goodnice Fapstronaut

    640
    1,061
    123
    Therein lies part of the problem.
    Please watch this. I hope it encourages you

     
  18. Agatha

    Agatha Fapstronaut

    46
    69
    18
    Thank you for sharing this, Hannah. You speak from my heart... I can relate so much to your experience and also the reasoning you apply. Especially as a devout Christian I feel as if this was a double life I am leading when I do PM.

    What I found for myself and what might inspire you is this: Of course it is a sin. Of course, I lack self-control and of course I need to work on that. But I do have to accept that I am not perfect - but a sinner. I have to accept that I will be always poor before God and in need of His forgiveness for my weakness. No justification for sin! - but even bigger trust in God's mercy (Rom 5,20). When I sin, I repent, go to confession and beg for new grace and strength from my merciful Father to sin no more... Important to me is to get up and keep fighting the good fight, not to beat myself up over falling.

    And after listening to many of my sisters (and brothers by the way) at church as a counselor, I know that EVERYONE struggles with sin more or less, and in a more or less visible way. So yes, I think the hidden sin is very common and does not separate us from our brothers and sisters. Knowing that helps me not to judge others, helps me to cover their faults with mercy when they get visible sometimes, and to grow in humility, facing own brokenness...

    It is my conviction that neither at work nor at Church "everyone" has to know about our problem with addiction. But for myself, I have chosen several years ago to share with a handful of people. This brought me even closer to them and I'm very grateful they support me.

    I pray for you. Please pray for me!
     
    Mindy and Hannah II like this.
  19. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

    363
    981
    93
    I relate so much to all your posts. I understand that “double life”... that secret part of you that others would have no idea existed. I just want you to know that you’re not alone! I’ve been stuck in a rut where I can’t pull myself to be fully committed and really give 100%, but I’m trying again. And sometimes that’s all you really can do, and I think God will see our effort and have mercy on us and say our effort was enough. I truly believe that. As long as we are trying and have intention of setting our hearts and minds straight.
     
    Hannah II likes this.
  20. Have a look on how to raise your chrism oil from the spine to the heavens ;) Perhaps you understand what is happening now ;)

     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2018

Share This Page