Update on my life :)

Hey guys I know I have been gone for a couple of months, but I wanted to let you guys know how I`ve been doing.

I`ve graduated with a bachelors in psychology, im now 30, and im going to church. I`m entering into christian counseling to help me with my faith and my porn addiction.

I have banned myself from using computers late at night, I do work 3rd shift on saturday and sunday but other than that I dont use computers by a certain time in the day.

I have been working on my lust and have been coming to terms with the fact that I`am indeed an addict, I have been looking at porn since 6 and I have realized that it has messed up my brain. Infact I did a podcast where I was talking to god and admitting to him and to myself out loud that I could not conquer my addiction to lust and porn. I was weak and needed him, I completely humbled myself in the podcast and asked for his help.

I have also unsubbed from all of my female youtubers I used to follow, I cant stop lusting for them and having dreams about them.

Unfortunately, before I graduated from college I ended up lusting for a married women, and I`m lusting for a girl at my church that is about to get married in a week. I have pretty much left both of them alone, I really crave friendship with the opposite sex, but I cant see anything BUT sex when it comes to women. Its not what my heart wants, its what my brain desires. Its very sick from all the porn and the sexual abuse it had to endure.

I have been considering getting myself castrated to finally deal with my addiction towards lust, I`m sick of the wet dreams, the body functions, me craving women, I was raised in the purity culture. So I keep thinking noticing a girl is wrong. I`m selling my old laptop and I have blockers on my new one, I dont use my desktop at night anymore. I do my podcasts at day time and by night time I just play on my PS4. I will be trying to read the Bible once a month this summer and I will be reading books this summer. My podcasts have been more mature, I used to be really mad and angry and rant about redpill/MGTOW material. I was very bitter, frustrated, and ashamed of how I felt as a man. I was really in a dark place and was being strangled by transwoman porn. Now I`m more calmer, I`m going out more, not spending as much time in my room, going to church every week. My podcasts are more about me, I still talk about redpill stuff, but its nowhere near as angry as it was 6 months ago.

I`m currently 3 days porn free, I want to last over 56 days, my longest streak. Well thats it.

 

You can do it, man. A lot of people frown upon video games. For me...they are a blessing at night time. My PS4 has gotten me through many urges that I would have otherwise given in to. What do you think? Does it help you?