Update after sissy hypno addiction

My nofap trip so far has been unbelievable.

I shouldn't say nofap because it's a lot more than that and actually I've customised this process to fit who I am.

For the first week the fantasies and urges were unbearable. I would constantly think of sissy fantasies and cocks and would sometimes edge.

What helped me was to redirect my sexual energy towards thinking my ex gf that left me because of this poison. I wouldn't get hard but I trained myself to think of a woman in a sexual way.

The second week for some reason the fantasies turned from sissy to gay.

My porn usage had escalated over the years but it's been more than 15 years I had not had gay fantasies. They became really intense and vivid. I edged a few times. I read some erotic gay stories and even penetrated my back for a few minutes.

After I would manage to get myself back together I would forgive myself, I would pray and I knew deep inside me that I was one step closer to my goal.

After about 10 days the gay fantasies started fading away. I started to masturbate once every 3-4 days thinking only of women (mainly my ex gf). I wouldn't get hard in the beginning but I would insist. After a 2-3 sessions I started becoming hard only thinking of women.

The third week I felt miserable. I was anxious all the time and stressed like hell. I thought I'd never make it.

The last 3-4 days have been a revelation. A woman made a move on me and told me how she is attracted to masculinity. I had not been told that in years! That gave me a huge confidence boost. I did not do anything with her because I am still in love with my ex and can only think of her intimately. Nevertheless, I the gay fantasies have now stopped. I look myself in the mirror and where I would see a sissy pathetic crossdressing slut, now I see am muscular man who's attractive and full of masculine energy. I look at my genitals and I'm proud of them. This has never happened to me before.

I feel reconnected and today I got the courage to call my ex and we talked for more than an hour without any drama. I feel confident and calm.

I don't know if the fantasies or the craziness will come back again but now I know that I'm on the right path and that once you experience it even for a few days then you don't want anything else.

For the first time in my life I feel I am in my actual real skin. I am myself.

Thank you to all the community.

 

Things become so much clearer. I see now that when I am stressed, thinking of my ex or feeling anxious my mind right away wants to go back to these sissy and gay fantasies in order to escape reality. I find this to be the hardest part of all actually. Dealing with anxiety the moment that I know that if I just succumb to these fantasies anxiety settles down. It's like having the medicine and refusing to take it because you know that long-term the medicine is what actually caused the anxiety in the first place.

It's very interesting to observe, very hard to handle.