Unrequited love / Oneitus

"There's nobody like her."
"This has to work or my life is over."
"She's perfect."
"I'll never meet anyone special like her ever again."

Close up and after getting to really know somebody, we see that they're imperfect just like everyone else. Full of negative, irritable, and annoying qualities just like us and everyone else. What prevents us from seeing this in certain people is a lack of knowledge. We assume on the basis of a few charming outside details (looks / achievements / social status / talents / etc) that the target of our passion is beyond the human condition of being imperfect. They aren't. We just haven't gotten to truly know them yet.

This is what makes unrequited love / oneitus so intense, long lasting, and vicious. By not getting close enough we don't get the proper knowledge and we don't tire of them because they're still "perfect". Lack of knowledge of their flaws that are preventing us from seeing them as whole human beings. Instead, they're above us in some way.

The cure is to get to know the person better. The more we discover about a person, the less they would look like to be the solution to all our problems. We would realize how much in common they have with the rest of the human race. Passion can never withstand too much exposure to the full reality of another person. The cruelty of unrequited love / oneitus isn't really that we aren't loved back. It's that our hopes and dreams have been aroused by someone that can never disappoint us and someone that we have to keep believing in because we lack the knowledge that would set us free.

It's a toxic state that we create for ourselves. We get into it by holding on and getting dragged by the perfect vision we have. Rather than taking a risk and moving forward or being rejected right from the beginning. Moving forward would allow us to really get to know the person as a real and imperfect whole human being. Being rejected allows us to move on to somebody else.

If we aren't able to get close enough to attain the knowledge of their imperfections, then we must accept (without quite knowing the details) that they're human like everyone else who has ever lived.

It's also bad for the other person if you don't take action or move on because they can never live up to such grand expectations and an ideal version of who they are.

It's also a lack of experience. Not meeting enough women and people in general on a consistent basis. Your world becomes very small when you're focused on trying to convince someone that isn't interested in you.

In my experience, I've always found someone that is different, but just as amazing or more amazing than the past women I've had passion for.

 

Imperfections are what reminds us that we're all in this together. It's what possibly leads to connection and respect because we share a mutual reality going through the similar struggles. Trying to hide your weaknesses and flaws shuts you off from others. It shuts off the possibility of rejection, but also the possibility of acceptance. You can't find your better place, with better people, as a better version of yourself if you're not expressing yourself honestly.

Being able to see others as imperfect human beings and being able to accept yourself as an imperfect human being are keys to connection with those that you mutually resonate with.

Because you're a messed up human being... just like me and everyone else.