Unexpected P

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Katrina Rose, Dec 13, 2018.

  1. Katrina Rose

    Katrina Rose Fapstronaut

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    So.... My SO has been doing amazing the past couple months. It's been since May that he PMOd or viewed any videos or explicit photos to the best of my knowledge. It's been a good few months without Psubs. There is still M going on, but our sex life isn't suffering because of it and our relationship is st it strongest right now so I haven't been too worried about it.
    Now, FB messenger. The toxicity. Having single male friends who act like 13 year old boys my SO receives gifs and photos, sometimes videos from them.
    Before we were in a good place he would hide this from me, he'd gaslight me. It was hell.
    Today he got a message for the first time in a while. I got home from work, set my things down. He greeted me, hugged me, all is good and he just said "I just need to tell you I just got a message today, I didn't know what it was so I opened it, but I deleted it right away". Which is true. EA shows messenger was opened literally 1 minute before I walked in the door and the conversation history was deleted as he showed me. I told him to block him on messenger which he didn't protest for a second and we did so.
    However this is a huge trigger for me. Especially because I don't know what exactly the message was. It makes me feel unsafe and turns me off of affection. I know this is something I need to work on and have been. And I've come a really long way.
    He handled the entire situation amazingly however. I am actually shocked. He is a completely different person than he was before.
    I just told him thank you for being honest, I love you, I just need a few minutes alone to process.
    Does anyone else get P by accident like this? I know he isn't asking his friends to send it, and he has never replied to any of the messages indicating to them he enjoys it. We're both doing the work to have a healthy happy relationship. But what do you do when the outside world intrudes with P out of nowhere? A long time ago I asked him if 20 years ago his friends would snail mail him P or come by to drop a random picture off. He laughed and said no because obviously that's absurd. But really doing it online is no different. Just faster.
     
  2. My husbands old friends had a chT group and one would send things.... needless to say they sent my husbands friends anymore. My husband actually came out on fb and told his friends that stuff cant be in the group. His friends made a different group without him and they never really messaged the group with my husband in it again which hurt my husband but it showed him who his real friends were.

    I dont really worry about the outside world since my husband did basically let everyone know about his addiction and to not send that stuff but I know a lot of other PAs have had the experience of having coworkers or friends show them that stuff....
     
  3. Katrina Rose

    Katrina Rose Fapstronaut

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    He hasn't told any of his friends or family. And I can understand that. It's embarrassing and men are "supposed to" looking at that stuff 24/7. I try not to let it get to me but it's irritating and really sets me back. Like I don't want him to touch me today because of what he saw, even though it was just for a minute.
     
  4. Trappist

    Trappist Fapstronaut

    A relative of my SO
    is pretty Edgy art wise
    and so has interesting photos.

    I would scroll SOs feed
    just to keep up on her family...
    until this year;
    some posts have turned
    pretty ooglingly graphic.

    So I ask for verbal reports
    on both her and my family.

    I do little social media;
    Facebook started accessing my photos when I initially tried and immediately deleted it.

    The world remains
    a lovely place to live.
    Mostly
    :)
     
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2018
    Katrina Rose likes this.
  5. SamScarlet

    SamScarlet Fapstronaut

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    We deleted our Facebook accounts. This is such a toxic and unpleasant platform at this point.
     
    Trappist, Nugget9 and Katrina Rose like this.

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