Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by B3unbroken, Jan 22, 2019.

  1. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut


    We both went to a freedom weekend at church. Always beneficial. I felt absolutely amazing last time I went and again, it just realigned me with the life I want to be living. Free from bondage of other ppls sins/choices as well as my own.

    It was a great reminder that none of us were meant to carry this heavy burden. And we don’t have to..

    Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
    ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:28-30‬ ‭NIV‬‬

    I know this to be truth because I’ve tested it for myself. The only time I get to the point where it seems I cannot handle all the stresses of this addiction or other aspects of life is when I’m trying to carry the load myself. When I’m trusting in myself to fix it all. And not trusting in the promises of God.

    “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
    ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11-13 NIV‬‬

    Not my job. My job is to pray about it, get filled w truth, believe and trust. And the beauty is that it doesn’t matter what someone else (aka my hubs) is doing, as long as I’m staying in my lane and doing these things, I’ll be just fine. Regardless.

    I’m human and I’ll get stressed & triggered again, I’m sure, but I don’t have to stay there.

    I don’t need to do that thing where I predict the future that hasn’t happened yet. Even if my prediction is based on past experience. I don’t need to try to control how much I get hurt because the more I try to play it safe, the less time I’m living free and letting life happen as it’s supposed too.

    Take heart in knowing...regardless of this addiction...you can be free. You can be happy. You can have hope.
    mcgrim, Kenzi, Trappist and 2 others like this.
  2. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut

    Vacation and beyond...

    It’s been a while since I’ve updated. Life has just not slowed down!

    Vacation was more of an adventure then a “vacation”...but it was absolutely AMAZING! I’m grateful we went to the Freedom weekend before hand. I felt refreshed from that and I can honestly say I didn’t really have many/if any triggers. I didn’t really care to watch for things that would normally trigger me. I was just focused on enjoying myself and everything around me. That’s exactly what I did. We got along great. If anything he started to actually notice more & comment on how often/blatant men (and some women) check me out. He would point it out and initiate holding hands a lot. It felt good (like him chasing me a little). I’m sure he was still checking other women out too, but I honestly just didn’t care. It’s up to him to keep himself in check.

    I’ve been doing well keeping my own compulsive behaviors in check. I’ve even stopped keeping track of how often we’re intimate. I’m just trying to live life instead of trying to control it. Even in the sexual intimacy department, I’ve just decided to let it be what it is. It’s not the passionate, romantic, bonding experience I’d like it be..but it feels good, it’s fun and we both enjoy it. I’ve stopped putting pressure on the quantity. Maybe it’ll evolve into something more loving and intimacy focused instead of just sexual pleasure, but I’m not forcing it. We have healthy intimacy and bonding in other areas of our relationship. I’ll be patient.

    Getting away, just the two of us, was good for us. We had fun together and just enjoyed eachothers company. Reminded me of what I enjoyed about being with him in the beginning. What drew us together in the first place.

    Our Anniversary was earlier this week too. We’ve both been busy catching up with work and home life since we got back but he still managed to pull off surprising me with different dinner plans then I thought and a beautiful gift even though the vacation was supposed to be our only gift to eachother.

    So I guess since he’s been keeping up with his part, it’s helped make it easier for me to stay positive on my end. I’m sure vacation and all that helped but I’m in a good place right now. I feel free.

    Accepting freedom because someone has already conquered, has been a huge part of helping me move forward. I felt so defeated at one point in this journey and now I have hope and I feel refreshed. What a beautiful thing that today is all about resurrection. Coming back to life!

    Happy Easter Friends!

    You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”
    ‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2019
  3. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut

    6 months..

    He’s been away all week for training. I’ve been covering everything on the home front.

    Still in a good place. Checked in with him on how he’s been holding up since it’s been over 10 days since we’ve been intimate. I know that’s nothing to some but for us it’s a bit of a stretch. He said today was a struggle but he’s holding out. Honestly today was a struggle for me too. His last full on relapse was Oct. 27th so today is 6mo to the day.

    I was cleaning out my mailbox yesterday and came across the email from when he started to do some digging and discovered IA. It’s interesting that while in the moment you can’t really see progression but over time, looking back..I can see he has really come a long way in recovery. He’s grown and I can see it. He can still fall all the same but he’s definitely more conscious and aware of himself.

    He pushed himself out of his comfort zone to FINALLY step up and take action. Reached out to someone who used to go to our church, on his own, to be his AP. Seeing a Christian therapist (although that’s been a few wks). Meets with both pretty regularly. He going to an intensive Men’s weekend his AP told him about. A year ago he NEVER would have gone to something like that. He would have somehow found any excuse for why he couldn’t go. Actually his shame alone would have held him back from the possibility. So there is growth. It always feels painfully slow, and trust me it has been, but at least I have hope now. He’ll probably have anxiety leading up to it and I’ll be praying for him to just push through.

    So those are the things I’m grateful for at the moment. Progress. I know God brought us together to do great things. Not to stay stuck in a whirlwind of pain and misery.

    This journey has helped me grow too. I’ve had to face my past, process unwanted pain, past and present hurts, forgive, ask forgiveness, address wrongs, stand up for myself, love myself, set boundaries, give grace, have faith and rely on God. I have to continue doing all of that whenever it constitutes. Most importantly I need to remind myself to stay free from chains of all this mess. My savior didn’t go to the cross for me to stay in bondage.

    So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”
    ‭‭John‬ ‭8:36‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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