Ultimate Theory about the cuckold trend in 5 reasons (long post!)

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Ed_Brazil, Jan 29, 2014.

  1. Ed_Brazil

    Ed_Brazil Fapstronaut

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    *This topic was originally posted a few seconds ago on http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/ but since it may be of interest to many here I have decided to create and mantain both

    I'm posting this here because this is the first site recommended on YBOP, which appeared as a savior to me. Also this forum appears to me as more "technical" than the nofap. And do please forgive any grammar error that may occur, since English is not my native language and I never had any lessons on that.

    And more important: I don't see a lot of discussion about the reason behind the "cuckold" porn trend that is booming recently, and when I do see some discussion it all involves crazy, convoluted theories involving Freud, evolution, etc etc, and they all most appear out of nowhere.

    And my idea is pretty much simple, and I firmly believe it explains both the "booming" of cuckold fetish and the reason why someone will fell attracted to it, and also bring it to real life, living this fetish and having his life so entwined by it as to describe it his "lifestyle". And I never saw anything as my theory. And believe me, I know very well how to search.

    And what is this simple reason? Porn addiction. Simple as that. But with some "siren calls" that empowers it, not existent on other fetishes.

    What would these "siren calls" be?

    1) An answer and an escape route to copulatory impotency (gets hard to porn, but fails to perform in a real life situation). Even if one does not have it, he may be on the initial stages, where he gets an erection in sex but the act itself does not provide that much pleasure as solitary masturbation. So, if you accept becoming a cuckold, you will get rid of this stress and anxiety for performance. And you do that by having in real life something you are already craving while masturbating! I once saw on a cuckold forum a husband stating that sex is not that good as masturbation, insinuating that sex is overrated. This person sadly failed to see that it is in fact his addiction that caused this scenario.

    2) felling of inadequacy. You may even be handsome and fit as a male porn star, but with your difficult in performance you will fell some (or a lot) inadequacy. If you are not handsome and fit, that is yet another reason. The penis size can come in this explanation as well. And this felling of inadequacy behaves like a vicious cycle of a self-fulfilling prophecy: the more you fail, the more inadequacy you will fill ( which will make the siren call for surrendering yet more appealing), which will bring you to fell yet more inadequate, which will make you fail even more, and on and on (no wonder why so many advanced cuckolding ends with "sissy" and "feminilization"!)

    3) You will be living with a porn star. That's great is it not? Instead of a regular girl you will be with a goddess such as those that have been living in your moments in front of the computer. the biggest problem with that is that you desire this not because you dream to be with a porn star "Per si", but because what you are trying to do is something much more perfidious: Bringing the porn to the real life. Which brings us to the next reason...

    4) The ultimate reason: You are trying to bring porn to the real life. That is utmost insidious, it is the porn leaving the real of fantasy and the virtual world of computer and internet and invading your real life. Like a monster coming literally out of the screen of a terror movie and haunting you for the rest of your life. You no longer please yourself only by having good old fashioned sex with your woman, you need her to wear the costume of a porn star, to do the things you see on porn. You no longer fell sexually attracted to her as human being, but as a vessel to the incarnation of your virtual godessess. It is the ultimate act of surrendering to your fantasy and living in it.

    5) a complement of the previous reason: Now you get to produce original material for your masturbation. Devastating when you come to realize: you are using your woman to produce material that will fuel your compulsive addiction. But that is true! An important and broadly disseminated part of the cuck scene is that the husband will "document" everything, by pictures and videos. Most times not even participating in the sex act itself, he will only watch and document. There are many videos on porn sites that even show the husband roaming the room taking pictures with a camera, which means he was so devoted to this that he employed two cameras at once: One stay on top of an object to film, other on his hand taking pictures (sometimes even going so far as to employ another person just to video the act). Why so much energy and dedication employed to document the wholly thing? I don't think I need to tell you why at this moment. But sometimes, the cuckold will not document that disciplined, instead he will sit and masturbate. The ultimate masturbation act, having your woman behaving like porn so you can watch a real thing instead of a screen.

    I think this pretty much summarizes the wholly thing. And there are some things that help my theory.
    First: Cuckold fetish is on the rise. It was virtually non-existent some years ago. I would even go so far as to say that, in the specific way which I described it, it was literally non-existent before internet. I remember that in my early days of internet porn usage, the days of dial-up connection, I never crossed a sub-genre of porn called cuckold. I can remember seeing sites that had it all organized: Foot, mature, lesbian, gay, bisexual, shemale, bizarre etc... but not cuckold. And now they are everywhere. I can even be so bold as to say that if this article where more than just my thoughts on the subject, where it elaborate with loads of research, we could produce a graph showing that cuckold porn rises on the same pace as internet access and speed.
    Another thing is that many fetishes that are used as "shocking material" to stimulate orgasm in masturbation may have increased with internet accessibility, but they always existed even before internet. For example, gay porn is used by many straight men for this socking and novelty value in stimulation, but gay have existed as long as mankind. the same with other fetishes: Shemales existed far before internet, foot fetish as well, and so it goes. But the cuckold scene seems to appear and to increase synchronously with the internet accessibility. There may be some people that had the fetish of being cuckolded before the internet, but I suspect they where far too few back then, like people that have very unusual fetishes, a very small percentage of the population (or else why would the porn industry fail to see this niche, and why would this niche grow so rapidly at the present?), and their desires and behavior being a little different than the porn-induced cuckold. In short, the "natural" cuckold fells attracted in the act of being cuckolded, it is an unusual fetish that must be developed whether he lives in an internet environment or not. By contrast, the porn-induced cuckold fells more attracted to the idea of his girl becoming like a porn star, the cuckold itself is more a consequence of that, an effect of her being promiscuous, and it only develops later, because of porn. He would not have this fetish if he lived on an era/place without internet.

    How come I realized all that? As some of you may have already guessed, from personal experience. I am on the initial stages of the cuckold effect, already made my long term (4 years) girlfriend have sex with another guys. But I never had this fetish, quite the contrary, I was very repulsed by that idea. It appeared recently, after more than a decade of heavy porn usage, and while suffering a middle copulatory impotence, which revolves around being able to perform ONLY with a girl I have extreme intimacy (in this case, only my girlfriend), failing with all others no matter how beautiful. And even with my girlfriend, I had to relay heavily on imagination, imagining porn scenes in order to maintain an erection during intercourse. It was only a little jump before imagining my girl being those porn stars doing what they do. I was stopping employing my imagination in bed to make them reality. She was to become what I was imagining. And most times where we made "menage a trois" (I, her and one more guy) wasn't that great at the time, many times it was much worse than being only with her. But it did provide plenty of fuel to further sexual acts with her. In short: The actual cuckolding wasn't sexy, but the real sex, after the cuckolding, was because of this fuel, where I could see her as a true porn star and talk during the sex about what she had done, and that being all real.

    And in case someone is wondering what are the reasons that make the woman accept such a life, this is a no brainer. Woman enjoy sex the same way man do. What you are presenting her is the rare opportunity of her doing sex with loads of guys of her choosing, without it being a problem. In short, a dream life. Wouldn't most men live in a dream with it where the opposite (provided they are not suffering from porn ED, that is!) ?
     
  2. upside

    upside Fapstronaut

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    I was really glad to read this thread, it echoes my experience very closely and the analysis makes sense to me.

    I've stopped short of arranging in real life for my GF to have sex with a so-called 'bull' (cuckold speak for the dominant extra male), but I've thought about it a lot and have participated in lots of the cuckold forums online. And I've been that guy with the camera, taking photos of my GF in a totally objectified way to fuel my own fantasies and feed my online cyber-sex habit.

    I think it's an absolute tragedy that a loving wife or girlfriend should become little more than a proxy for a porn-induced fantasy for the boyfriend. I feel a heavy sadness that I've been involved like this and desparately want to leave that life behind and connect with my lovely girlfriend again in a real way.
     
    Neckbeard likes this.
  3. aron

    aron Fapstronaut

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    I am shocked of what I am reading. I wasn't even aware that such thing exists, and having a quick check on google trends, I see now that is on the rise. Truth be told, when I also started watching porn, over a decade ago, there wasn't this kind of porn. It became into existence just a couple of years ago. His reasons of why men resort to such things are quite on the money I would say. It's very well argumented and it makes sense that men are no more satisfied with just watching porn on screen, they want to watch it live, and then have the pride that they are living and fucking with new found porn stars (wife/gf). This combined with PIED and performance anxiety and you have 4-5 reasons that are leading men down this path. In the end is not ever surprising that they resort to such behavior.

    I cannot relate directly to that, but it is appalling and completely disgusting that some men such things. And what is even more disgusting is that they hurt other people along the way. Personally I cannot agree with his point of view that women do it just for sex. I can't imagine a woman staying in a relationship where the man cannot perform sexually and he needs surrogates to perform instead of him. So I would think she is staying with him because of the emotional attachment. But on the other hand she needs go get sexually fulfilled by other than her significant other. I think she would be torn inside. I believe a normal woman would want to be emotionally and sexually fulfilled by the same man. Being "forced" to do otherwise is a huge compromise for her and emotionally frustrating, at least.
     
  4. arpyegap

    arpyegap Fapstronaut

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    I hate to admit it, but I see the beginnings of this in myself. I have never acted on any of them, but it is a favorite fantasy of mine. I hate it and it actually makes me sick to my stomach, but is strong image for me. I think it is an extension of voyerism. I agree that it is making the fake images on the screen come to life. It seems like you would be living in a porn movie. I think any porn addict would jump at the chance to live in a porn movie!

    I think the wife or gf would go along with it because they love their man. I know for a fact that my wife would not have any interest in it of her own desire. However, I do know that if I were to push her and work on her to do this that over time she would. She loves me that much. I love her (despite what you may think from this post). That is why I am fighting back against PMO. It hurts much more than just me. It hurts my loved ones as well.

    Thanks for the post
    Arpy
     
  5. upside

    upside Fapstronaut

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    Have a closer look at these cuckold sites and you'll see that the major thread is guys posting nude pics of their partners. Sure there's a lot of fantasy being shared about real life wife sharing, and I would say very few people sharing real life experiences, but it mostly seems to be guys sharing private photos with strangers and getting kicks out of being humiliated for doing so. I'm one of these guys posting photos online. No, scratch that, I was one of those guys. But anyway, with regard to the female perspective, I can only relate my own experience but my GF allowed me to take photos of her because the photos are flattering to her - she looks great in them. She's in her forties, has a few body image foibles like many people, and as I say, likes some of the photos I've taken because she looks good in them. And for all that's wrong about my own motivations, it's obviously a form of attention I'm paying her, so I think that's also why she likes it. But for all the photos which she personally appreciates, let's say the 'classier' end of things, there are many which are straight down the line explicit porn - close ups of genitalia, open legs, etc. - and she really doesn't like being these. Not surprisingly they make her feel objectified and cheap. Aside from allowing the photography because she finds it flattering and attentive, she permits it because she thinks it's just for me and me alone. She doesn't know about all the awful sites I've put these pictures on, she'd be absolutely appalled if she did. Anyway, this is my point, I imagine that for the vast majority of the women who feature in these pictures they think it's just a private thing between them and their partners.

    I'm profoundly ashamed of what I've done. I've shamed and dishonoured my loving girlfriend, and it needs to stop. It is going to stop.
     
    Lone_Wolf likes this.
  6. chrisdep

    chrisdep Fapstronaut

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    Gents: Here's a good thread that although not directly addressing this specific topic may help you in your addictions to overcome.

    All the best!
     
  7. BullseyeChris

    BullseyeChris Fapstronaut

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    wow. I'm familiar with the term but have never seen the attraction in it. But now that you share your experience/thoughts on it, I can understand why some guys are into the idea. And I think you are totally right about their motives, especially how it is a played-out form of porn, which many guys have found to be the superior form of arousal. So, if they can no longer get off through actual sex, maybe they could if another guy does their girl, and they can vouyeristically get off on watching it. Sort of a combo btwn porn and real life--the ultimate high for a porn addict.

    I can also understand the inadequacies a guy can feel now when he compares himself through these porn stars, who may have a better physique, be more handsome, have a bigger penis, better/bolder sexual technique or know-how, and perhaps appear to have more confidence or masculinity overall. So, rather than work on improving themselves or just accepting themselves as they are, they fantasize that they are other "sexual supermen" instead, doing their wife or whoever. And via this superhero fantasy, they become aroused again.

    I definitely don't understand how a guy can get off by further being feminized or put down by the more Alpha male guy. How does that arouse a guy? An erection/ejaculation is one the most distinctly masculine things a guy can experience, so how does that virile act get triggered by feeling like a sissy? I don't get it...

    It's all very sad and I think a poignant "sign" of the violence porn is wreaking on human sexuality, relationships, and self image today.
     
  8. Computer_Geek

    Computer_Geek Fapstronaut

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    Hello Ed_Brazil,
    Like you I am not a native English speaker but anyway get a compliment from me: your English is fluent, IMHO.

    And - last but not least - you are a brilliant researcher. I am a researcher too, BTW :)

    If I saw this post earlier, a year ago... I would be stronger.

    I too got into cuckold porn ; I am PMO-free during three weeks and feel ashamed. I imagined my dear wife, my treasure ... participating in "bull" scenes... how awesome!

    Your post is very motivating for those who want (but cannot find courage) to leave PMO. It must be disseminated to any possible threads, sources.
     
  9. Sebastian Drew

    Sebastian Drew Fapstronaut

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    Insightful and echoes what I fear was beginning to happen to myself. I do not wish it on anyone, watching and Ming over the category alone would make this cloud of shame hang over me. And then, of course, I would go to bed that evening and open it again.. Sickening, really.

    Thanks for the post, helps a lot. Best of luck to all. You can do it!
     
  10. machiavel55

    machiavel55 New Fapstronaut

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    You'll excuse my english, I am French.I was very confused in my late 20's when the thought of secretly watching my wife being seduced and having sex with another man became very arousing, even though I had, most of my life, been a very jealous and possessive man, capable of violence towards another man if I considered him a threat and in my sex life, extremely intense, extremely sexual and definitely an alpha male. After my divorce I started partying more and started using cocaine, through the years,mostly when using drugs, the cuckold fantasy would resurface and twice I organized 3somes with my gf of the moment and another man. The 1st time, my gf was much younger and it was more on the soft side, they kissed,etc...My only reaction once we were alone was mentioning to her that I thought she screamed louder when coming from his oral talents, compared to when it was me. She said that the situation was more exciting. It was a very shallow and short relationship. The second time, with a more mature gf, I was drinking a lot while they were making out, after sex, i went to the bathroom and they politely waited for me to come back, except when I came out, pretty buzzed, she had her hand on his thigh, I walked over to them and slapped her hard. He left real fast and she broke up with me a few days later. Years later, in a 16 week treatment center (for drugs) I discovered why I had that fantasy and why it should never again become real because of the violent emotions it triggered in me. Through their program, I discovered that I suffered from very strong abandonment issues and complex. The cuckold fantasy was a way to push on that button created in my childhood, called the original pain (ref. The Homecoming by John Bradshaw), (the partner having sex with another man may leave me!) and triggered strong emotions including arousal, but once I had satisfied my lust, if it is a real situation and my partner is still engaged with another man, the results with a woman I'm in love with would have probably been dramatic and would have landed me in jail for a long time. For me the cuck fantasy is just that, a fantasy and it exists because of a part of my past that was vey painful. I think all males that have that fantasy should dig deep in themselves and try to understand where it comes from, because the results could be very destructive.
     
  11. AdamXx

    AdamXx New Fapstronaut

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    Not a native speaker too here, so apologies in advance.

    Yes, It's porn. But the real, 'technical' reason is slightly simpler, imho.

    Trend 'cuckold' in its modern sense, to a large extent arose due to the spread of pornography, specifically due to 'the way it's made'.

    Almost all movies filmed as if you are the witness, not participant. That is not like you're 'actively participate' in sexual act with a view 'from the eyes of the partner', but namely you're a bystander. What is porn? Watching others fuck. That's it.

    She looks into the camera as if in your eyes while having sex 'with another'. The act opens to the viewer from the most expressive angles, from which in real life we never see our own sex. Women are always beautiful and sexy, and men's roles are played almost exclusively by the owners of large penises. The focus of most films aimed at a cock and a model's 'work with it'. Being exposed to porn in teen ages imprints our likes and behavioral patterns, that find their way out in our adult lives.

    Now, being hooked too, I can't really tell if its really good or bad for me. Both, I suppose. There are benefits and there are drawbacks. Being hypersexual (at my own evaluation) that is just another kink of mine. It fuels me as well - can't deny.

    So, don't sweat it guys. Just make sure it is not taking your life over, if you afraid of the kink, say, when you're 'sober'. Meaning, when you cum - one or a few times - you feel disguise and shame of your fantasies right away. That doesn't happen the same way after sex with a girl, right? Maybe a little, but not like after watching 'cuckold', 'humiliation', 'gay', 'toilet slave' and vulcanizing with a dry mouth and bursting temples. So it is a sort of a dogma and perhaps an 'occupational hazard'.

    You are man, and have to fight, get, deliver, overcome, protect etcetera. So your unconscious alarming you - "what the fuck are you doing? you will be defeated, destroyed, annihilated by other males and disrespected by females"

    Control what you have to in a real life, don't let it flow on its own - as much as you can. And always remember: you are what your chemistry is. It's just hormones. It's just a moment. It is not real you. Like when you're hungry or tired.

    Enjoy you fantasies, don't blame yourselves. Live your lives, be happy!

    John Smith,
    pornography studio owner (that's a joke;)
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2017

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