TWO YEARS WITHOUT PORN / THE TRADITION: YEAR THREE

2 hours 31 minutes, all that remain until it begins. The nofap holiday tradition, well, not quite nofap. Two years ago it was every other day, last year it was every third day, and this year is every fourth day. 8 times in 34 days is all I’m allowing.

Last year was relatively easy. This year won’t be. 2018 has been kind of tough, my grandma died in May, and my dad has been more moody ever since, both of my parents turned 50, and people at school have seemed AWFUL. Not like bullying me, but just fake as hell. I also find it hard to forgive myself about embarrassing things I did like years ago. I feel sorry for myself about my treatment at school, but also guilty for acting awkward, and also angry. This has been like two or three months now.

Now, I thought of the one thing that has fixed me of bigger problems, that got me on the right track, and that got me to quit porn (two years on Friday): The NoFap Tradition.

I’m kinda a physic, and the physic in me has thought that my awkwardness would end in December, and honestly, I feel like it is going to.

Now in terms of nofap itself, I’m gonna be going from fapping at least once, usually twice or thrice a day to every four days. That’s really tough, but I’m doing it because it’s important. I know how BADLY I need this. It’s my time, my game, and guess what? Play ball.

 

UPDATE: It is currently 12:03 A.M., so the challenge is offically underway. Here’s to another solid year! Wish me luck on my journey to self-forgiveness and happiness!

 

Thank you! I’ve been looking forward to today since like August so I’m pretty excited, but also determined to be better once and for all.

 

DAY ONE:
Year three has begun, and day one was pretty fun. I played uno with my family for like three hours and took a fat L. I talked with some of my friends on snap a little, but it was a quiet Thanksgiving. There were small urges during the day, but they had almost no impact on me. I’m at my grandparents home tonight, and here is one of the only places where I don’t ever fap. Tomorrow I go back home, so the difficulty is upped like tenfold, but I know I have chores to do, so my time will be filled. Hopefully I’ll make it!

 

DAY TWO:
Alright, today was slightly more difficult, but still relatively easy. Tomorrow may be harder, since I’m home the whole day, I’ll have to find stuff to do. Today was pretty boring otherwise. It’s been tough filling the hours over break. Didn’t go shopping either. Those feelings of depression that have plagued me since sophomore year started were somewhat there, (these are mostly: What if everyone hates me? What if they think I’m weird? Why is social stuff so tough? Why do I always feel like I have to hide?, etc.) Anyways, today was my 2 year milestone for no porn, past that at 8 P.M. today. So times are ok now I guess. See y’all tomorrow.

 

Thank you for the support!

 

DAY THREE:
Ugh, today was a good day overall, but the urges sre closing in right now. I feel so trapped, part of me doesn’t know how I have 31 days left of near perfection in me, but I know I can do it, this is an adjusting period. I would really like to get through the night, but idk if I will, maybe though. 3+ days without fapping gets easier as the nofap season rolls on. I know by mid to late December I’ll be a pro at it. I’m sure I’ll get over my growing pains now.

 

DAY FOUR:
Well, this is about as worse as it’s gonna get. I did not make it through night 3 and so I feel like crap right now, and I have no clue how I will be able to do this for another month. I’m not in the holiday spirit yet and the nofap feeling hasn’t set in yet. And I know that tomorrow, Tuesday, and maybe Wednesday will be an extension of this. Days 3-7 were my toughest stretch both of the last two years and this year seems no different so far. I know that I need to avoid triggers and wait it out. Something as triggered me to get into the spirit both of the last two years, one year it was a major wake up call, and the other it was a change of my mindset. I’m at my darkest hour now, but the light will return, hopefully soon.

 

Thank you for your support, I know I am not alone, and my faith is returning. I wish you the best of luck in your journey too.

 

DAY FIVE:
Well, I found my thing that kicks me into the holiday spirit. So today was better than I thought it would be, until, of course the urges returned at the end of the day. I decided to reward myself for each time I go a whole day without edging once, a free fap. And I used that today. Unfortunately, while I used that free pass, my dad caught me cleaning up, and you guessed it, I lied to him about it. Judging from his reaction, (I talked through the wall because I was too scared to lie to his face about it) he may have actually believed me. I needed a wake up call now more than ever, and it looks like I got that now. This is the type of stuff that’s gonna scare me into avoiding fapping. I’m still shaking right now and it happened a half an hour ago. Well, hopefully the next 29 days can be easier than the first 5.

 

DAY SIX:
I have awoken. Today felt overall better than yesterday. I’m not trying to gouge my neck with toothpicks because my dad saw me cleaning up from fapping. I can feel the healing process, and my awkward stage entering it’s eleventh hour. Even yesterday, but more so today I find myself caring less about what the
a—holes at school think. I got urges today, but they were much less and I honestly just didn’t feel like fapping regardless, I was like eh. Dad seems ok too, there’s still that awkwardness but it’s much better than before. Finally starting, just only starting to get into the holiday and nofap spirit.

 

DAY SEVEN:
So today was pretty great at school. I’m beginning to realize that people aren’t as horrible as I thought already. I had some good convos with people who I would have been afraid of a while ago. Unfortunately, urges are constant. I’m trying to make it to Saturday without fapping, but I’m beginning to understand just how daunting of a task it is, but, I’m already 2 days in, it’s doable. Only time will tell right?

 

Oh I never thought about that. That sounds like the perfect way to control urges. That and thinking about what my dead grandma is seeing, and how dissapointed she probably is about my fapping habits. Thank you for the support and help!

 

DAY EIGHT:
Alright, today showcased my potential, school is steadily getting better, and I feel better. But urges kill, and that’s what happened today. I unfortunately ended up fapping after I thought I extinguished the urge. At this point I’m switching to the every three days, instead of four. Which would put me at 11/34, compared to 11/33 last year, which doesn’t sound like much improvement, but last year I was picky about when I fapped, it took longer, and I had less libido. This year I can do it any time at home when I’m alone at all, and it can take less than a minute, so I guess it could be improvement. And who knows? Maybe 11 will become 10 or 9!

 

DAY NINE:
I know I’m a little late for this. Yesterday was a half day, which unfortunately meant more time to edge and stuff. I literally edged for hours but I didn’t break. I’m learning when to stop but I’m obviously not perfect. I need to get out more, and I’m doing that. Thursday I went to the gym with my dad, and today I’m cleaning up trash in town for service hours. Getting out and keeping occupied is key. I also figured out that yesterday was the one quarter mark on the challenge, so I still have almost 75% of growth from it do go, it only gets easier.

 

DAY TEN:
Before I begin: Happy December Fapstronauts! Congrats to all No Nut November winners! Anyways, today was pretty good. I felt really good after picking up trash for 3 hours. Community service always makes me feel good. It also helps me towards getting my Life Scout at Scouts. Unfortunately, most of the rest of the day featured edging, but not giving in. In ten days I’ve been able to bend more without breaking I guess lol. It’s very tough. My goal was getting to tomorrow, but I feel like I need to have a wet dream soon. I feel so horny and desperate. It sucks feeling like this. Tonight is really the only night I can try to have a wet dream. I’m away next weekend and the weekend after, and that last weekend is too close to the end for me to do that. I feel frustrated, but part of that is my own damn fault. Ugh, hope it gets easier.