trying to understand

because it's a drug!

 

you can't save him, he has to come to the truth in his own way. Good luck!

 

Fear would be my answer. You become totally reliant on the porn and then when you do have a loving relationship, you're either unable to perform because of the porn, or afraid that you won't be satisfied just with sex (which requires relying on another person).

The addict can, and probably is, oblivious to this. As to how to enable their awareness, I'm afraid I don't know. I worked it out through an almost complete psychological breakdown. I assume there's an easier way...

 

Hi I am a partner of an addict in reboot whose partner is in age close to yours. Does he have ED with you? Mine did and also would not initiate sex. He's now 60 days no PMO and things have totally changed. He was also single for a long time before me. I also asked him to stop several times as it was killing our sex life, he refused then said yes and lied about it. He's likely a PMO addict and he will have to work hard to stop. Sex will never match the dopamine fix that porn gives him. I recommend you read your brain on porn. Since porn is his mistress she tires him out to where he has nothing left for you. I suggest that you stop asking and instead give him an ultimatum. Stop or I am leaving. Many men are addicted to PMO and we as non addicts cant possibly understand why they would chose PMO over sex, but we think with a healthy non addict mind. Many men justify their continued use as all guys do it, they call you prudish or honestly think they can still do it and have yiu as well. But PMO addiction or not as men age their refractory periods are longer and longer, their sensitivity decreases, and they start to get ED. He must want to change and for now he does not appear to.

 

Not all men do this, it is not normal. That is a lie society and PMO addicts try to sell to us. I agree, you would think he would not do that, but it is an addiction, and honestly it has nothing to do with you or your availability, attractiveness, freakiness etc. You have to understand that, nothing to do with you. He needs to get help. If he thinks this is something all men do and that it is not an issue, he will never stop.

 

It is exhausting and painful to be a partner under these circumstances. Again though its not about you, you will never be able to compete with the PMO. Someone told me on here once that the porn star could walk off the screen and have sex with your partner, and he would have the same issues that he does with you, and that is true. It is about sex with an actual partner, and the dopamine high created by PMO.

 

I would say to start send him your brain on porn and see how open he is to reading that and understanding that PMO is an addiction. I think most men have no idea this can occur, they think what they are doing is perfectly normal and blame their inability to perform on age, physical issues, anything but porn. Initially this is genuinely that they don't get it, but with time it comes from denial. No one knows what will get an individual addict to understand and change. For some it is the threat of their SO leaving them, for others it is the inability to perform in bed. And sometimes they cannot be reached at all.

 

Yes, or if they do think it can occur they assume it to be much more cartoonishly extreme than their experience, whereas what can feel like moderate use can have devastating impacts.

The following is a useful way for a man to think: "if I'm not addicted then I shouldn't have a problem stopping, at least to rule it out as the cause of my issues. And if i am addicted then I absolutely should stop."

 

It is! Sometimes to the point of outrageousness to us SO. Men will look for pills to take, creams to use, injections in their penises, surgery, you name it anything but the PMO please don't make me stop the PMO. That's how strong the denial is.

 

Yep. It does, in fairness, seem absurd that PMO can have that big an impact, and it's not been widely acknowledged in mainstream studies. But there are too many people here with exactly the same problems and quite a lot of success stories and accounts of real improvement.

 

I wanted to say wait did you just tell me you would rather have surgery performed on your penis or injections into it than try to stop PMO a totally non invasive and free thing to do and see if it works? When I said it like that it clicked for my partner. So I think part of it is not knowing pmo causes it but part of it is also addiction. I mean even if you are not sure it's the cause why don't you try it to see if it helps? That to me is logical.

 

Initially I was like, "I have no recollection of saying that to you." Then my brain turned back on.

Yeah, sometimes you just have to hold up a mirror to the distorted logic of an addicted mind.