Trying to understand this new lonely world I find myself in

So it took me a long ass time to realize that so many issues in my life where directly related to my p.m.o. addiction. It took losing the love of my life, my career, and my apartment for me finally see the problem.

Now I find myself very much alone, trying to figure out a life without porn or masturbation. Many if my old friends have pulled away as I try to figure this all out. My ex, who was always my rock, is no longer a direct part of my life. Yet I am trying to tackle the single hardest addiction of my life. Honestly quitting smoking was way, WAY easier!

For me porn has been a part of my life since I first found my father's porno mag, next to his side of the bed in my parents bedroom when I was about 5. It has been an integral part of my life ever since.

Today was a particularly difficult day, I have been feeling like all my old friends are not reaching out and when they do, it's because someone needs something. I can't explain why I am feeling so out of touch and just utterly alone. Hopefully someone on here can help me narrow it down.

 

It's odd how it helps to know that someone else is going through the same thing.

 

It is for your own good and it is a choice. You should be proud of making it, I know that I am. I struggle with it every day. I know that it is good for me and I am pushing hard to try and fix this broken part of me so I can try again with my ex. Thankfully she has been very understanding in all this.