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Trying to conceive

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Newmees, Mar 13, 2017.

  1. Newmees

    Newmees Fapstronaut

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    I've been married now for almost a year and me and my wife are trying to have a baby. This has actually served as motivation to quit porn and masturbation. I try to save everything I've got for her when we have sex. This has made me more accountable and has helped me go on some pretty consistent streaks.
    Recently though I have felt myself losing interest in sex. I just had sex with her twice but was very unmotivated. I ejaculated immediately the first time and only lasted a minute or two the second time. I kind of just did it because I knew she wanted to. I really wasn't that in to it.
    This last streak of 8 days is the longest I've ever gone and I felt like I really had control over my cravings. I didn't even want to watch porn, or fap, or even have actual sex. The first two I'm ok with but the last one worries me. I feel like a healthy sex life with your partner is important especially when you are trying to conceive.
    Anyone else out there have a similar experience? Any advice or helpful comments would be greatly appreciated.
     
    HappyDaysAreHereAgain likes this.
  2. Carbon Icon

    Carbon Icon Fapstronaut

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    Hi Newmees, are you sure this is the right time to be introducing a child into your relationship? It is an amazing and rewarding experience BUT it is also very physically, mentally and emotionally demanding to have a new baby in your life. It can strain a relationship and a couples sex life. I would personally recommend that you get your addiction under control before you undertake the responsibility of being a parent. Before you have kids you have an extraordinary amount of free time that you are not aware off. After you have kids much of this free time goes away. I would use this time know to heal yourself from your addiction.

    Does your wife know about your porn addiction?
     
  3. Newmees

    Newmees Fapstronaut

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    Yes she knows about the addiction. I have spoken to her about it. I don't know if she understands the extent of it though. I've been addicted to pornography for at least 20 years. She has a tendency to downplay it and says that most guys do it. I have told her that even if most guys do it that it is still not good for you. She knows I'm on this website. She is very supportive and that is one of the reasons I married her but she also wants a baby.
    I relapsed today after going 2 weeks without watching porn. First I had sex about 6 times with my wife while we were on vacation, then I masturbated once without porn because I couldn't sleep and then finally I woke up early this morning and had full on PMO. I do feel like I need a reset because after 8 days hard mode I was starting to lose interest in porn and sex. I considered this progress and I felt like I was going strong. I gave in to sex with my wife because we are in our mid thirties and we may not have that much time left.
    All the points you made were valid. I've been addicted to porn for a long time. I realize I will probably need to go hard mode for a while but it's might be difficult to get my wife to understand. I've been in a job that I have been wanting to leave for years. I want to start something new in my life and I feel like NoFap could be a catalyst for change. Do you have any suggestions? What is your history with pornography addiction? Do you do hard mode or soft? What is your experience with relapsing?
     
  4. Carbon Icon

    Carbon Icon Fapstronaut

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    Hey Newmees, I've got a similar story. I've used MO and PMO as an emotional escape/addiction for years. It wan't a major issue until we got high speed internet about 5 years ago and then things escalated to where it was having a big impact on our relationship.

    I did hard mode at first but after 3 or 4 weeks we started having sex again. I've realized now that I don't "need" as many O's as I thought I did and that P is more about escapism then sex drive. I feel happier and surprisingly more energetic. I feel normal after years of wondering why I was tired and lazy feeling so frequently and the P was the only big change..

    For me the biggest factor for success was having a really good accountability partner... I had a few bad ones at first. Having an AP that you know you will have to report to if you screw up was a major motivator for me. In my case my AP was my wife. A lot of folks here will say that is a bad idea, but for us it worked/is working. Try to find the right person who will really hold you accountable to your goals and help you identify when
    your bullshitting yourself.

    BTW, I think your right about NOFAP being a catalyst for change. I just quite a very good job. I have not been happy there for a few years and finally took the plunge and I'm so glad I did. If your not happy doing that, figure out what you will be happy doing. Or failing that, just quite and try other stuff until you figure it out. Life is short man. Don't waste it.
     
  5. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    I understand. Having sex by the thermometer is not easy. My wife took her temperature every morning for over 8 years. We could do it other times of the month, but we had to do it on ovulation day. It seemed like she was picking the worst days to ovulate. Finally, after multiple treatments and surgery, one day it worked. Then it was even more complicated trying to have a second child. It was worth all the effort, but it did take its toll on our joy of sex. Ideally sex is spontaneous and not followed by a discouraging, bloody, monthly funeral.
    I hope you will soon conceive and begin to enjoy more natural sex.
     
  6. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    A change in a baseline sexual appetite to me suggests something else may be at play. What else is going on? Have you or your wife noticed changes in your mood, irritability, shifted habits?
     
  7. Icyweb

    Icyweb Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like you could be on a flatline. Have you had a generally lower mood accompanying your low sex drive? If so, that's probably why you're disinterested in sex.
    Also, it sounds like you may know a little bit about this already, but here's an intro to NFP, which can be used both to avoid pregnancy at bad times, and get pregnant when you're trying.
    http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-act...-awareness-nfp-help-some-couples-conceive.cfm
     

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