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Trying to access my ex's Facebook

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by TheCrazyThingIs, Jun 28, 2018.

  1. I woke up this morning and looked at porn. I don't know why, I'm noticing the benefits of not masturbating and orgasming already, only 3 days in, and I know it can only get better.
    But there I was, watching it, I even touched myself a little. But I didn't edge, and I didn't ejaculate, so I suppose I can still get the benefits.

    Anyway, the resulting horniness lead to me trying to access my ex-girlfriends Facebook to see if she has sent any nudes to her new boyfriend that I could fap to.

    This is a problem, and part of my sick twisted reality that I make up in my head when I get this bad.

    I don't really have a question to ask or a point to make, I just kinda use the Problematic Sexual Behavior thread to show how bad this shit can get. This isn't good, this isn't normal, I shouldn't be doing things like this.

    So I am not going to. But the fact that I tried is going to weigh on my mind for a few days now, going to slow me down and make me feel like shit. Imagine how I'd feel if I actually got in there? Actually got the nudes? Imagine if I saw them, fapped to them, and ejaculated.

    Imagine how I'd feel.

    I think I'd want to kill myself.

    xoxo
     
  2. "I think I'd want to kill myself." - please don't say things like that. It is not what you really want.

    I suggest you cut every connection you had with your ex. Delete her from your friends on facebook, delete pictures of her or you together, clean history of conversation and everything. The fewer things reminding you of her, the better.

    Your behavior was no reset or relapse but still some compulsive shit. You did nothing wrong after all, so you don't need to blame yourself, but you need to avoid situations like that because they can end in you doing something unacceptable.

    Good luck, friend!
     
  3. wtbootb

    wtbootb Fapstronaut

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    Frankly, I don't agree with you. He was watching porn, looking for nudes.. what else could be a relapse if not this?

    That's a reset/relapse for sure.

    And that sounds like a relapse to me. Don't take this lightly.
     
    P-Free likes this.
  4. Ok, you are right. I didn't noticed he watched P. But still it is nothing to be ashamed, but rather alerted for future.
     
    P-Free likes this.
  5. The thing with this is I don't need to.

    I am polyamorus, and still very much in love with my ex, as well as being deeply in love with my current partner, as well as keeping myself open to love from other partners in the future.

    I don't need to move on from my ex, and she knows how I feel about her and accepts that. We have been friends for close to 8 years, and only dated during two of those. We are still very good friends now, and it would be a shame to throw that friendship away.

    However, my addiction is what drives perverted things like this. She is not the only woman who has placed trust in me that I have tried to betray to satisfy my desires.

    The problem is not love here, the problem is porn.

    xoxo

    The keyword being "me". This is your definition of a relapse, sure, but not mine.
    I do recognize that in order to make progress psychologically I need to stop viewing porn in itself which is something I am working on and you can see the progress of in my journal; however, physically I am still making progress. I have more energy, and am less socially awkward, I can actually get out of bed and out of the house, something which I was struggling with before. This is a huge leap for me, and I am mot going to reset my counter (something which I love seeing go up and genuinely helps me to have) over a breif lapse in judgement.

    xoxo
     
  6. wtbootb

    wtbootb Fapstronaut

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    That counter is to measure your days of sobriety. This journey shouldn't be about your counter, it should be about your overall progress which doesn't go back to a day before NoFap after one relapse. I'm not gonna tell you what to do. I'd feel too guilty to continue with my counter like that but to each his own. Honestly, from what I can see here you haven't learned your lesson.
     
    Rehab101 likes this.
  7. Locust360

    Locust360 Fapstronaut

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    Its easy to open doors. Often very difficult to close them. Any bad decision starts in the mind. Focus less on stopping the action and more on preventing the thoughts.

    You need to say no to the porn and facebook of ex looking for nudes. That will inevitably only lead you to what you are looking to avoid doing.

    Dont get down on yourself for the mistakes youve made. Just know your going to give yourself a massive boost to your self esteem every time you choose to avoid entertaining the thoughts of doing it again. After awhile, it will ve less tempting and eventually dissapear.
     
    TheCrazyThingIs likes this.
  8. EricKungFooled

    EricKungFooled Fapstronaut

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    At all costs avoid accessing your ex's facebook account depending on where you live there can be legal ramifications if caught. I'm a cyber security expert and executive in a major company and during my legal separation it was all too easy to hack into my now ex-wife's facebook and viber accounts. The reason for her divorce was that she was having a online affair and I tried to justify my actions by telling myself it is the only way I know she is telling the truth that it was over. Eventually it became part of my PMO behavior and saw myself getting aroused at her online nudes and secretly joining their video chats over viber and imo during her affair.

    During the same time my tastes in porn drastically changed towards that direction as well. I had hit the lowest point of depression in my life but was too hopped up on dopamine to realize it. I felt sick to my bones and angry but continued her having her affair as a result of my sickness. So it is a very dangerous road.

    I eventually stopped but snooping on her accounts was probably more difficult to give up than PMO probably because it meant that I had to make a decision to trust her or end the marriage.

    I made the right decision to end it but looking back I could have easily spent a few years in jail for my actions.
     
    TheCrazyThingIs likes this.
  9. This is good advice. Thank you.

    xoxo

    Oh dear, I'm very sorry to hear that your addiction caused you such disruption in your life. I to have done things that could easily land me in jail (Though I won't talk about them on here as this is a permanent record) due to my addiction. No one will ever accept "porn addiction" as a reason for behavior, so no one will ever try and help, they will just shut you out, shut you away, and leave you to destroy yourself.

    I am glad you managed to get out of that, and hope you stay on the right path from now. We must always try and better ourselves, and as Locust360 said, don't get down on yourself for the mistakes you've made.

    xoxo
     

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