My partner is now over 77 days PM free and in terms of his life, things are sincerely looking up. He has a new routine going to the gym and completing a daily checklist to make sure he’s on top of things he wants and needs to do. I’m pleased with his progress but I feel like I’ve been left by the wayside. People are telling me to start my own routine and do things for myself alongside the things he is doing for himself- but I find myself totally distracted and unmotivated because I’m so afraid of a relapse or finding out other secrets he’s been keeping (he drip fed me his problem, starting from a ‘problem with porn’ admission followed by an incidence of cheating, regular webcam chat use and other details). I truly want the relationship to work and to move on from this but I’m terrified that by creating my own distractions will mean I’m leaving room for these problems to come back up again. I’m a bit obsessed. Like a lot of others on these forums, he’s struggling mainly with intrusive thoughts about watching P or using webcam chats and with ogling women when we’re out and about. I have a real problem with the ogling for my own reasons, having experienced my fair share and feeling very uncomfortable as a result, but my new obsession is that he is ogling people that I know and that are close to me (or to him, for that matter). He has admitted that his ogling and intrusive thoughts are worse when he’s not busy, he’s had alcohol or he’s in a public place with lots of people. This is making socialising with friends a big trigger for me, too, because I’m finding myself constantly worried about where he’s looking and what he’s thinking. It makes me feel very insecure that he’s ogling friends that we’re out with which devastates me, to be honest. My self-confidence is at an all time low and the activities I enjoy (going out, meeting up with friends) are a place where he’s not only ‘weakened’ but I feel like he’s distant from me and is probably ‘browsing’ other women. Worried that I was catastrophising, I asked him straight up whether he ogled my friends and he gave a very evasive answer saying he was “aware that I had very attractive friends but he made a conscious effort not to think about them in that way” That just confirmed my fears. I’m struggling because every activity he undertakes I have a cause to worry. If he’s alone I’m worried about P, if he’s at the gym I’m worried about ogling and if he’s with me socially I’m worried that he’s looking over my shoulder for someone more sexually attractive. I’m trying to upkeep a ‘normality’ between us but it’s crippling to pretend I’m feeling happy and optimistic when I am constantly hounded by these thoughts and dreads. I feel like I’m walking around in a fog and I want to disappear a lot of the time. The activities I used to enjoy have become so emotionally exhausting and panic-inducing. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with these triggers? Will they subside? They seem to creep up on me when things are ‘going well’ otherwise. I’d appreciate any help!