Transcendent dream about PMO gave me best improvement understanding.

You can skip to the DREAM TO THE BOLD TEXT!

In my dream I am 1 on 1 with a porn amateur. It's with a popular star I have seen for years. And she's looking sexy and at first she is just laying there. I am talking to her in a friendly way at first, but I can feel my mind get hazy over what she is wearing. And I am telling her that I just wanted to talk to her and shes slowly doing things that are slightly sexy or play into my old fetishes.

In the dream I am both turned on by it and repulsed at the same time. At a certain level after reboot porn often repulses u a little by the way. In the dream I hate myself for still watching. And I am trying hard not to PMO and I am telling her I really don't want to PMO. And what bothers me even more about it is in the dream I have this need to 'save this in the spank bank'. So even in a dream I have the hold impulse to save this for later so I can PMO to it till I am senseless.

So I keep saying no. I feel my hand in my pants but I havent done anything. After a while she loses interest as she realizes as much as I want to and as much as part of me hates myself for not enjoying the free show that RELAPSING WAS NOT AN OPTION. So she leaves.

Then I look at myself shocked I didn't PMO and I leave my room. As I open the door to my room. I can breathe again, the haze lifts, the heaviness of mind and the moment passes. But when I look I am in this hall way with all these doors. At the end of the hallway I can see a bright light. In the dream I can tell the light is of a transcendent quality. It feels like my best possible self is down there or god or to be more specific, me becoming godlike. True self realization,actualization and enlightenment.

I start walking and I am looking at these doors. Some doors are open and I can see/hear people trying to call me in. Every one I pass by all they want is for me to come in, for me to feel special that they want me or that I can walk in any door I want. After a while I realize they are distracting. All the doors are distractions and that I am in the metaphorical hallway of choices.

I then start to see other doors. These doors just have words on them. they are symbollic. GAMES, SEXY PICS. They dont seem as insidious or as big as a trap as the ones with real people trying to trap me but they are suspicious nonetheless. I start getting to these non descriptive doors. I can tell these doors are for empty rooms and are for plain masturbation. And its weird again because I can feel my need to rest, to blow off steam and yet I can also feel the emptiness from that room and the time it would waste.

I refocus on the light at the end of the tunnel. And start running towards it. And it feels good. It feels better than what all those rooms would have offered. Then the dream ends.

WHAT I LEARNED AND WHAT YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT IN YOUR LIFE.

The dangers aren't just outside, they are in your room. Some of your most important decisions will be made from the chair you are sitting in right now. It won't feel important at the time but the choices lead you closer to the best you.

When you are in your room or a room. It's like the world, your best self and other choices don't exist. The moment you use your discipline and strength to go out into the world is where the adventure starts.

People who seek your attention,presence and time should want the best for you and not need you for their own pleasures. The people in those rooms aren't friends. They are people who want company to be stuck with to validate their own pleasures and choices.

The doors with just words. They represent your own choices. The ones you have to take responsibility for valuing. No one is making you spend 10 hours playing games,eating junk or using social media in the most unproductive ways possible. That is on you. And that's not to say any of those things are evil .They are just words. They are just things that exist. You are the one ignoring your true self for a fleeting pleasure. A quick look in the door because of FOMO. Fear Of Missing Out. Look it up.

And the empty doors. They are the most innocent yet entrapping. Because they aren't that evil. How can an empty space with just you in it be bad? Well its because you don't want the room to rest or to think. You want to go where u dont have to make choices. Where u can self pleasure mentally and physically. Where others can't get u. the problem with that is when you aren't stopping things and people from getting you. You eventually get yourself. Out there the endless possibilities of your true self exist and so do the endless adversaries you need to overcome to get to and maintain that.
In the empty room its just u. Its safe... but empty and suffocating. A limbo of your own creation.

You have enough sense to not fall in with the bad crowd but not enough courage,drive,motivation, mental fortitude to go finish becoming your true self.

The real you. Enlightenment. Transcendence. Everything good is at the end of the tunnel. And you know that. The doors won't help. They want to trap you in the hall of rooms endlessly jumping from one room to the other thinking some how you will get out. All the while the light gets dimmer and you get further from the exit until you forget the exit even existed.

Run towards the exit. Stop peeking in the doors. There is nothing for you there. Despite what your flawed brain is telling you. Despite what they want. Porn is normal. Masturbation is natural. It doesnt matter, just have fun.

EVEN IF THATS TRUE. SO WHAT. YOU WANT TO BE NORMAL? IF NORMAL KEEPS YOU FROM BECOMING AS GREAT AS YOU CAN POSSIBLY BE THEN WHO WOULD WANT TO BE NORMAL?

Heh got all excited there. There are endless people and pleasures in the rooms. But there is only one true version of you. And you have no idea how epic that person can be. Maybe you are even afraid to find out. Maybe ur afraid its not real. But its more real than whats in those rooms will ever be.​

 

Thanks for reading. It is true. Cant take credit for it though. I heard something like that before I think. Also "We are our routines." "Don't practice things you do not want to become stronger."

 

That's some pretty winding text. High in trait openness? Have Low latent inhibition?

Interesting thoughts. I can't say I have a response or can agree/disagree. But rock on brother.