Toxic Femininity

The subject of toxic masculinity has come up a lot recently, and I know whenever a woman engages in the subject, at least one person has to come along and say "oh yeah! Well how would YOU like it if people said femininity was toxic, HMM?? What are some traits of toxic femininity?!"

So, I'm here to say, I don't think either are inherently toxic, but I do think BOTH have toxic traits.

Another thing people like to point out in discussions of toxic masculinity is that women do those things too. And that's true, for most of them, but the traits themsleves are more "masculine" in nature. That doesn't mean women don't do them. Women have masculine traits as well, just as men have some feminine traits and men also exhibit some of the behaviors I'm about to list. But these behaviors are more feminine in nature, whether they are coming from a man or a woman.

So what are some traits of toxic femininity? Here are some I've thought of. Feel free to add to the list, but try not to be misogynistic about it. i.e. "women are a bunch of catty bitches" is not appropriate.

Toxic Feminine Traits:

1. Viewing every woman around you as competition (i.e., their success is your failure). I would love to see women be more supportive of each other, celebrate each other's successes, and stop seeing each other as competition all the time.

2. Psychologcal manipulation. Let's face it, compared to men, women are masterminds at this. And what's worse is that it isn't always viewed as a negative thing. Just as many people have an issue with violence being encouraged in men, I have an issue with manipulation to get your way being encouraged in women.

3. Gossip. Women undoubtedly gossip far more than men, and that can be really damaging to a lot of people, especially if you're gossiping about negative things or making fun of people.

4. Passivity/submission to an unhealthy degree. I'm not against classic gender roles, but I do think women are trained to be more submissive than is healthy, sometimes. That's not necessarily their fault, but still, I think that could be a toxic trait to have at times.

5. Emotional abuse. Women are incredible at this. I've experienced a lot of it, myself from other women, and I truly believe that the biting words of a woman can be more painful than the strong hand of a man at times. Women are traditionally, generally, empathetic and good at really seeing people, deep down, at their core. They can see what people feel, what makes them who they are, what's important to them, and what they're insecure about. In the hands of a kind person, those are all beautiful things, but in the hands of someone cruel or angry, that can be a powerful weapon. They can cut right into the very thing that hurts the most, and they know what will have the biggest emotional impact, because of their empathy.



There are a few other traits I thought of that could be damaging to the women themselves who have them, but I don't think those can be called "toxic," necessarily, because they aren't harming others. Perhaps number 4 should fall into that list as well, but I'm going to leave it.

Anyway, there you go. Now you can't complain when I recognize toxic masculine traits and say that I would be upset if anyone said anything negative about women, because it's not true. We all have things we can work on, and I see nothing wrong with recognizing them. I also don't think, just because I'm a woman, that all of these toxic traits apply to me. Some of them don't. So keep that in mind, if you're a man and someone is talking about toxic masculine traits. If you don't have that trait, then you have nothing to be offended by. They aren't talking about you.

 

Many women I know will be the first to yell about how men have to take responsiblity for other men because of 'rape culture.' etc. They never say anything about the huge proportion of women I know who are actively friends with, or tolerate, rapists etc- because they don't want to lose a drinking buddy / can't be bothered to deal with the drama / etc. Also some of them being British punks, many of them drink Buckfast which is brewed by nonces.

I know feminists who are keen to yell about how society is terrible, because of the 'patriachy' and whatnot. They never seem to give credit to the fact that our society has allowed such obnoxious, thick, odious people as them (I'm not saying all feminists are like this- I'm talking about particular individual women who I know) to thrive comfortably.

I was at a (cringe) 'anarchist bookfair' once when I still half believed in that shite, and there was some stall 'Love Sex Hate Sexism' or something...I picked up this flyer and it was like, 'if HE does any of the following things, he is abusive'...and my girlfriend at the time was doing every single thing on the list.

 

Abuse definitely works both ways, for sure. Which is, ironically, one think feminists say they fight for, in regards to toxic masculinity making men feel like they can't get help for abuse without being seen as weak or being made fun of or told that they should just be grateful to be having sex.

 

There are many different schools of feminism, with different objectives. The 'radical feminists' are dead keen on keeping transgendered people out of female spaces, for instance. They are very unfashionable these days mind you.

I think men being the butt of things like 'being told they should just be grateful to be having sex,' as well as women's obnoxious behaviour in general, is down in large part to weak men (as I once was) tolerating that kind of attitude from women because they (the men) are overly desparate for sex. That's not gonna change any time soon though. Oh well, at least it gives me an edge in that being one of the only ones to stand my ground is a real panty wetter it turns out (not that I'm engaging in such activities for the time being, obviously).

 

What're masculinity toxic traits ?

 

There's a whole thread about that already

 

Aw too bad

 

I listed some things here, but this thread isn't about that. You're welcome to join the conversation over there if you want.

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/is-masculinity-toxic.215840/page-2

 

There's a pretty distinct difference, in my opinion, between male competitiveness and female competitiveness.

Male competition looks like playing a game of football and trying your hardest to beat the other team, but then having a laugh and going out for pizza with them afterward.

Female competition is viewing every single woman around you as your competition for everything in life. Your best friend got a promotion, and instead of being happy for her, you're jealous that she's succeeding more than you are. Or if someone starts dating a cute guy, you're instantly jealous, even if you don't know or like the guy, because there's now one less guy in the world for you to date.

I would say the type of competition males gave is generally fine and healthy, but the latter I described is not.

 

I wouldn't necessarily say that, but I suppose that's a matter of opinion.

 

Perhaps that's true

 

Lol wish I lived in your world. I have a mouthguard in my pocket every time I leave the house.

 

Seems excessive. And obviously my reply was a generalization. Just trying to explain what I meant about female-style of competitiveness. It's different.