Today is the day

Hi,

I live in the UK and I am new to this NoFap forum thing, I thought I would write a thread because everytime I read posts I gain more confidence and motivation.

Im currently 18 and started watching porn when i was 12, I had tried masturbation at around 11 but never started doing it to porn until about 12 years old. There was no reason behind starting it other than one day my friend asked me if i had watched porn, I knew what it was but had never masturbated to it but decided to do it to porn that evening. Before doing it to porn, from what I can remember I never got urges or felt a need to do it; I decided to masturbate as a "reward" or something to do when i had some time to myself to relax.

After masturbating to porn it was all downhill from there; it was a daily occurrence that I would always do in the evenings and due to the fact I was young I did not realise the consequences. I masturbated for porn every other day (sometimes everyday) for about 4 years until I became more educated and found it is very bad for your physical and mental state and decided to limit the use; this was when i found it was a problem. I couldn't go 4 days without relapsing and felt like i needed to masturbate in order to complete tasks because it was all my brain would think about (it didn't help that i was going through puberty at the time).

In summer of 2017 I decided that I would go the whole summer (2 months) without PMO; I realised this may be difficult having only gone 1 week at best without relapsing. I felt like I could do it because i was going on a 1 month trek for half the summer in China with friends. To my surprise I did it! It was great! I felt more active and talkative and within 3 weeks I had my first wet dream! I managed to get a girlfriend and I could deal with urges very easily as I would be having sex with my girlfriend on a 1-2 week basis, so I could wait. All was going well....

I felt attached to my girlfriend like I've never been attached to a girl before, I've never really had a problem with talking to girls and have had multiple "flings" i guess. After a 6 month relationship we broke up and it hit me hard finding out she had been talking to this other guy, all my emotions came flooding out and the only thing I could think of was going back to porn. I relapsed after having roughly 6 months of no PMO (I did have sex but that doesn't count). Its now been 2 months since we broke up and Ive been masturbating everyday, maybe out of frustration, or something else, I can't really put a finger on it.

I told myself tonight that it would be the last time I watched porn and that I would write a thread on NoFap as a starting line and a place to come back to in case of any urges. If theres anything I've learnt through trying this before is that its your perception of the sensation and addiction - Will you choose to feel good now? Or tell yourself "NO!" and to feel good tomorrow or the next day or the day after knowing that you had the will power to say no and to keep moving forward.

Good luck my fellow fapstronauts, stay strong, you are your own worst enemy.