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Tips for gaining confidence?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by C12345, Jul 3, 2019.

  1. C12345

    C12345 Fapstronaut

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    I've always been awkward around people. I was watching porn when I was 11 up until now, so obviously my developing brain got a little fucked up. I just need some confidence tips because I know that they don't just magically appear. I kind of have a resting scowl on my face and hands in my pockets etc. I know I can be chraismatic af because I have been before. Some days if I'm in perfect circumstances I can talk to just about anybody about anything. If I drop porn and focus on myself can I become the outgoing person I've always wanted to be? How do I unlock the personality that porn has kept locked up?
     
  2. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    You hit the nail correctly: focus on yourself.

    You feel confident when you feel in control of your choices and wants. You feel a lack of confidence when you try to keep control, but feel everything is out of control (other people choose, or you avoid making choices by default).

    By the way, you had me google "resting scowl", had no idea what it means lol Anyways, back to the topic. Whether it helps with confidence or not, just drop the porn.

    Take control of one aspect of your life at a time. I don't know your circumstances and there's not much info in your post, but from your writing I'd gather you're rather unchallenged, bored, not feeling like doing much, not finding joy in things in general. That's the source of the resting scowl face.

    Think of what you found to be joyful about in the past, it could be a sport or any activity that just by thinking about it made your blood flow faster, made you feel more energetic (as long as it's legal and moral!). It can be anything, from really taking one full day to do wash/clean your car properly, to maybe planning your finances one evening and think about the future, simulate a budget for the next 5 years, maybe there's some optimism there and you can find ways to use money in a better way. Again, I don't know in detail your circumstances, but there must have been something that made you feel joyful in the past or optimistic about the future.

    Once you take care of such activities, i.e. focus on yourself and what you find joy in doing, you'll feel more proud about yourself and you'll be naturally charismatic. The resting scowl face will disappear, because you'll smile more often.

    Regarding the hands in pockets, I only managed to fix that one after wearing clothes that fit my body, instead those that are 2-3 numbers larger. Men, in general, buy clothes that are larger than they should to be, probably because most of us don't feel comfortable in our own skin and we try to hide it. In general, men assume that since they are either skinny or overweight or don't have a 6-pack, they are not looking good, so they believe it's not a good idea to wear clothes that are close to the skin. And then we put the hands in the pockets, because we really feel shit about ourselves and there's enough material to allow us to put the hands there. I basically bought trousers that truly fit my bum and then putting my hands in the pockets looked so silly... That and dealing with some emotional stuff, I must say.
     
    lolos and C12345 like this.

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