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Time to change for the better

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Ignatius McLumfer, Mar 29, 2017.

  1. Ignatius McLumfer

    Ignatius McLumfer Fapstronaut

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    Greetings all. I've been a porn user for as long as I've had access to the internet, so probably since the late 90s. It's become habitual, to the point where it's a daily occurrence. Almost exactly one year ago, my wife - who up until that point had been blissfully unaware of my habits, I was incredibly careful - discovered some images & videos on my phone. She was understandably extremely unhappy, I was banished to the back bedroom for a few weeks. This motivated me to delete all porn, and for a month or so I was 'clean' of it. However, I work away from home, we are both very busy, and rarely have time for intimacy of a weekend - so gradually it crept back as a simple way to get a fix.

    So that's where I have been for the last ten months - working away during the week, viewing porn while away, but not storing any on my phone to prevent further discoveries. Last weekend things came to a head again, my wife confronted me, and I'm a terrible liar - admitted to occasionally viewing material, she understandably blew her top and issued an ultimatum. It's her or the porn. So I'm here to try and save our marriage, and my sanity.

    It's deeply unfair on my wife to have to go through all this again. I desperately want to change my behaviour, working away from home is not easy as the temptation is very strong and it's so easy to access. To that end, I've installed URL tracking software on my phone, for which my wife receives the email updates. My laptop is a work machine and all URLs & web access is tracked anyway, so that's out. This leaves me no viable way to access porn without someone knowing about it.

    Our personal life & intimacy has been almost non-existant for a couple of years now. It's hard to tell which came first - the porn or the lack of intimacy. There has been a definite increase in the last couple of years in my viewing habits, perhaps compensating for the hard times at home, which perhaps brought about our distance and lack of interaction. In any case, it's not a sustainable situation, I earnestly desire to get rid of this habit, and somehow win back my wife's trust. It will take time, dedication and hard work, and a strong will to beat this, but I feel I can do it with the help of others here.
     
    SteelshoT and RaidBull like this.
  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

    What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
    SteelshoT likes this.
  3. Ignatius McLumfer

    Ignatius McLumfer Fapstronaut

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    I have installed software on my phone to track all my web browsing, and my work laptop is tracked by my company, so basically I have cut off all means of viewing pornography. Deleted all stored images and videos. Determined to make this work to hopefully save my marriage.
     
    SteelshoT likes this.
  4. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    SteelshoT likes this.
  5. What's up friend welcome to NOFap glad to have you here. Congrats for taking a step twords your PMO recovery that's awesome!! I know how hard is to admit addiction to others it takes a lot of courage. I started at the age of 14 it's been a long 17 years of vicious cycle I'm trying to recover from all that trash

    This community is here to encourage you not to judge, we are all in the same boat, battling PMO, anxiety, depression etc. I encourage you to browse through the Forums, check out success stories and stay motivated. I would say blame it all on the porn and masturbation, porn is evil and it only a way for us to get a quick fix as you say, leaving the void of intimacy with your wife. the least you PMO the more desire you will have for your wife. you say that you don't have time, believe me when you feel the urges surging through your body, you do what ever it takes to make time.

    Start setting short term goals for yourself, and eventually work your way up to the 90 days reboot. You are on the path to victory, It's not easy It will be difficult and you will see lots of changes trust me expect the unexpected. Stay focused, Stay strong stay motivated, Stay sober. if you have any questions don’t hesitate ask.
     
    D . J . likes this.

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