Thus Spoke Skinny

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by SkinnyBeard, Dec 21, 2015.

  1. SkinnyBeard

    SkinnyBeard Fapstronaut

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    Short and clean.

    21. Male. Not a virgin, but my sexual experience is very... very limited. Had a sucessfull journey for a little over 100 days, then a series of mini-relapses and mini-reboots with never a real desire to actually drop/acknowledge the prolem. Biggest PITA is PIED. My relatively small sexual achievements can be mostly acknowledged to the latter. Or rather the insecurity caused by it. Anyway, the last 10 days or so I noticed myself moving stronger and stronger towards the porn ocean, and apparently I once again need a full-time NoFap challenge. Never did a reboot log before, but I hope it'll help. Don't expect a lot of interesting thoughts the first days. Excusez moi, but I can be a dick sometimes and for the moment I'm writing this log for myself. Hoping that the responsibility to write down my progress every day will stop me from PMOing. But once this first period passes I do hope to a more usefull contributor to this community.

    Cheers everyone! :p

    Day 0
     
  2. Prov2611

    Prov2611 Fapstronaut

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    Hey Dude!

    Hope you find the support you need here. Look forward to seeing you succeed.

    take it one hour at a time.

    -Prov
     
  3. SkinnyBeard

    SkinnyBeard Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, Prov!

    Hope my story will be of some motivation to other people, just like their stories were to me.

    And with that, we are moving to Day Uno (1) of my NoFap journey.

    Truth be said, it was unexpetingly... tempting. Or should I say urging? Anyhow, I noticed myself several times during the day gazing at women's legs (I have a pantyhose fetish, mind you) and even though it wasn't even close to the urges I experienced in my earlier reboot attempts, it reminded me of them. In a way I even hope, that there will be stronger urges, because that will mean, that my the rebooting is actually taking place.

    Without babbling to much, because I'm still very early into my reboot, I'll keep my mouth shut for now. Trust me, I can write, I like writing and occasionally something hits me on the head and I'll start something like a writing marathon just for the sake of writing. So, believe me, you'll get bored soon enough of my tl:dr posts)

    Cheers, everyone! :D

    And don't forget!

    Together we are strong!
     
    Prov2611 likes this.
  4. SkinnyBeard

    SkinnyBeard Fapstronaut

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    We're writing Day Dos (2) of the journey to being a better man, and it's going so far without any real surprises. Had a few urges this morning, while riding the metro, which were definitelly stronger than the ones yesterday, but nothing I couldn't manage. Though the increase in cravings is getting more and more obvious. The feelings of lightness and joy from making a new beginning are also starting to fade gradually. Not saying I'm losing my enthusiasm for the idea, but it's gotten smaller. But, like I said, nothing I did not expect beforehand.

    Plan to refresh my memory about NoFap theory on one of my days off. Maybe some intersting thoughts just might appear in this thread then. :D

    Cheers, everyone!
     
  5. SkinnyBeard

    SkinnyBeard Fapstronaut

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    It's Day Tres (3), and still nothing extraordinary happening. Didn't have any urges, like the ones yesterday and for some moments I even had thoughts of a flatline, but it still seems to be too early for that to be the case. More and more thoughts about NoFap itself not being the primary goal here. Sure, I want to get rid of PIED, which is probably my main reason for doing this, but in the end erectyle-disfunctioned or not, life is more than that. And it appears to me, that I have been missing out in that for a long time. So my ultimate goal is to actually live a better life. And cutting out any porn is just the first step.

    Cheers, everybody!
     
  6. PyroFighter

    PyroFighter Fapstronaut

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  7. SkinnyBeard

    SkinnyBeard Fapstronaut

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    Day Cuatro (4) and a major trigger just hit me, while surfing FB. A friend of mine posted a photo of her, in nylons. This is the whole thing about my fetish. I get sexually aroused from things, people usually don't even consider sexually attractive. I think anyone with a pantyhose fetish should understand me. I can block, and am blocking every attempt to watch fetish-related porn, but I can't stop girls in the outside world from wearing nylons. I believe that my biggest problem is not even the porn issue, but this fetish one. From the study I've done this fetish is unlikely to disappear, and what's more, I don't want it to disappear. It's a pretty cool fetish and I can totally see how I could implent it into my imagined-future-healthy-sex-life. But for now it's just acting as a trigger everyone time I step into the outside world. I did notice myself the last four days that I was able to pull my gaze from women's legs to their faces instead, and I definitelly have way more eyecontact with people than I did before.

    Aaarrgh, this is getting onto me. Here I was thinking that I had the PMO issue under control and my porn use was more a matter of discipline (or rather it's lack). This will give me some thoughtmaterial. Hmm...

    Whatever, guys, I'm not giving up!

    Cheers, everyone!
     
  8. SkinnyBeard

    SkinnyBeard Fapstronaut

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    Day Cinco (5). Still busy as hell, doing pretty much nothing but a work-sleep-work routine. I'm a restoraunt manager, New Years Eve is up on our noses and the next two weeks simply won't leave me any time and power to relapse, even if I wanted to. Had my first actual cold shower yesterday, and it was awesome. Seriously, if anyone hasn't tried it already, I highly recommend you to do it.

    Another result of these five days is the understanding that my NoFap journey will be focused a lot on the topic of my fetish. Or should I say, my sexual preference, to be more precise :p

    Anyway, this journey is gonna be interesting!

    Cheers, fellas!
     
  9. SkinnyBeard

    SkinnyBeard Fapstronaut

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    In the middle of Day Ocho (8) and we're feeling good. Well, I fell ill on Day 6, and P-thoughts appeared in my mind stronger than usual, but nothing I couldn't fight back. Still recovering from that illness, so I'm not really into writing long analytical posts.

    Keep up the fight, boys!

    Cheers!
     
  10. SkinnyBeard

    SkinnyBeard Fapstronaut

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    Actually thinking of using the 1000 steps metaphor literally. Quiting Porn is just one step. A big one, a HUGE one, but speaking in terms of numbers it's just a single digit. And assuming my journey from bad life to good life takes a 1000 steps, I've just done the first. I haven't rebooted, yet, but I've done the first step.

    999 to go.
     
  11. Starkey

    Starkey Fapstronaut

    Great to see you doing so well! Stay at it! You may find that as you are clean for a long time your fetish will dwindle and disappear. Then again, it may not. I had a few disappear during my recent 133 day streak, but two (the strongest two) remained. Who knows!
     
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  12. SkinnyBeard

    SkinnyBeard Fapstronaut

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    Day Doce (12) on the calendar.

    Just making a quick update. I'm still here, even if I didn't give any in-depth reports lately. I've been working 24 hours shifts (2 behind me, 3 more to go), so, like I said, I wouldn't have the strength to fap, even if I wanted to. And for the record, I have to say, that I don't even want to.

    So stay strong guys, and

    Cheers!
     
  13. Exoplante

    Exoplante Fapstronaut

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    Hey man! How many languages do you speak? Hahaha

    I have red your journal and you say that you have 999 problems. I can see in your other posts that you are making you small you know, I have this impression.

    I would to tell one thing for you about what I'm living. I'm not on Nofap from a long time, I relapsed a lot, but I understand that porn addiction is part of a big problem, like you maybe. But, as soon as I have started Nofap challenge, everything has improved in my life. For me, porn was in fact a problem of identity and boredom. With Nofap, I achieve to understand who I am, what is my image, who do I want to be. (Boredom is not solved yet ;P)
    So maybe take a time to ask you these questions: why do you do this? For me, P addiction is a consequence of something else, what about you? (You don't have to write it on the forum, just think about it!)

    Yeah, take care of you man, see you!
     
    SkinnyBeard likes this.
  14. SkinnyBeard

    SkinnyBeard Fapstronaut

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    Just hit Day Quince (15) and it's finally time for some deeper thoughts on my journey so far.

    I've just had the what have been the biggest so far urges in this 2 weeks+ long journey and (luckily) I haven't given in. But I was close. And these are my thoughts at the moment.

    First of all, I have (once again) come to the realization that my problem is not porn in itself, but my fetish for pantyhose. Or my sexual preference to be more precise, since fetish is a little bit more extreme. So, what I am hooked on, is not the actual sex in the porn, but the nylons aspect. The epitome of this is the fact that in the last couple days before I began this log I used to masturbate to no-porn regular photos of girls pantyhose. Ironically, my heavy porn use evolved my pantyhose fetish to the point where porn itself was not even necessary anymore to satisfy it. Though, probably it was never necessary to begin with, but I'm getting away from the topic here. So basically, the last two weeks made me deeply realize that I don't have to deal with porn, I have to deal with my "fetish".

    And this is where it gets messy. Studying the theory behind NoFap is really interesting and rewarding, but unfortunately it doesn't really fit into my case. Or the case of any other person struggling with similiar fetish problems as me. Because like I said in other posts before, fetish and porn addicts have similiar simptoms, but they need different "treatment" speaking in medical terms.

    Let me explain what's going on in my mind.

    I have PIED. That's bad.
    I have PE. That's also not the something I'd put on my resume.
    I know for a fact that these two were caused by my heavy porn use, which in itself was just a way for me to satisfy my fetish hunger.
    Now, I do not think masturbation is bad. It's just a matter of how often and how exactly you do it.
    So I decided to quit PMO and any p-subs in order to see how a long period of time, not overloaded with real and artificial sexual stimuli would look like for my life, brain and penis. So far, so good, but as mentioned above, I was close to giving in. I had a fetish urge, I didn't even want to watch porn, I needed a fix for my pantyhose thing. Yes, I was weak, I am admitting it here, I searched for that picture of my friend which I already mentioned on Day 4, I found it and even began edging, but somehow I managed to calm down and close the browser. And here's my dilemma. PIED and PE are bad, that is without question. Strong sexual urges aren't a good thing either, in the end we were designed to reproduce, lust is a natural part of how we work, we weren't meant to abstain from any sexual activity. And this is why I don't believe masturbation in itself is bad. But I've been down this road before. I quit PMO, I survive for some time, then the fetish-related urges start building up, I masturbate to "non-fetish" pictures or even without them, and from there it's a road of "allowing" yourself more and more straight back to pantyhose porn. And here I am stuck deciding how to fight the urges that apperantly will not stop arriving, since I can't find a way how to eliminate all real world triggers around me.

    Hmm... I've writte enough for today, even if there's still a lot more on my mind. Whatever, guys, stay strong! :D

    Cheers!
     
  15. SkinnyBeard

    SkinnyBeard Fapstronaut

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    Hey, bro!

    Actually, I speak 3, am studying a 4th right now (which is not spanish, for the record, I look up the spanish number before every post in this thread on google:D)

    And yes, like you said, NoFap is just a part of a bigger "project" in my life. It's a journey to a better life, and fixing the sexual aspect is just one part. I have a pretty good understanding of what I don't like about my current situation, and where I'm headed, or at least plan to be heading, and NoFap is really just the first step with another 999 awaiting me. There are many more issues which I intend on taking on during this journey, and probably some of these will be covered in this thread as well.

    So, glad to find a similiar soul on this planet, man!

    See you!
     
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  16. SkinnyBeard

    SkinnyBeard Fapstronaut

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    Up on Day Diecisiete (17) and still struggling with urges. As a matter of fact, I would count only the last 2-3 days as part of my journey on recovery, precisely because of the urges. On a "clean" day, where everything goes smooth and easy it just doesn't feel like I'm progressing. On the contrary, whenever I fight urges (so far succesfully) it feels like I've acomplished something, that I'm better now than I was before. The price for that are obviously these bloody urges. So, paradox №2, I want to have urges and I don't want to have urges at the same time. :p

    My focus the last days has been shifted from analyzing my fetish to understading how to deal with urges. I'm thinking about the nature of urges and how to deal with them. Anyone can share some links, maybe on YBOP where these topics are covered more detailed?

    Cheers, guys!
     
    jipjap likes this.
  17. jipjap

    jipjap Fapstronaut

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    You're doing great, man! When you're having urges, think of the urge of your brain actually healing. Your brain misses the dopamine hit, it automatically starts craving it, starts rationalizing why you should give in, etc. But when you don't act on urges, THAT's when the brain starts getting the hint. Not at first, and there may be periods with more urges, but they will dimmish eventually! The thing is: the rebooting process is actually going on when you're having urges! Maybe that perspective helps you. The guys at the nofap academy youtube channel touch on it as well, but I can't find the exact video right now...
    Anyways, good luck! You got this!
     
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  18. SkinnyBeard

    SkinnyBeard Fapstronaut

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    Bienvenido a Day Veinte (20)

    I am glad to announce that it's almost three weeks, and so far I'm clean. I've spent the last few days reading things on YBOP and remembering the scientific aspect of abstaining from artificial stimuli. I still haven't decided whether I intend on starting a "healthy masturbation routine" some time in the future or am going to stick to clean PMO. Still weighing all the pros and contras.

    As far as my fetish goes, it hasn't dissapeared, nor has it lessened significantly. Some times I even think it has even increased a little. But like I said, the last days I've been doing my homework on porn studies and I was trying to answer my everlasting question of whether fetishes are as bad as porn. Basically I was thinking, would fapping to my pantyhose fetish be as bad as fapping to a vanilla softcore picture or even sensation alone? And my answer is yes.

    Well, I'm still more question than answers, so I still have a lot more to learn before I can say anything 100% sure.

    Everybody, stay strong!

    Cheers!
     
    Exoplante likes this.
  19. Exoplante

    Exoplante Fapstronaut

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    Good luck man, keep on, you're good.
     
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  20. SkinnyBeard

    SkinnyBeard Fapstronaut

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    Say hello to Day Veinticuatro (24) of my journey to a better me.

    Seems like Day 0 was only a few days ago, and here we are already 3 weeks + into this journey. Looking back, I can say that my biggest achievement so far is actually sticking to this idea and keeping it for so (relatively) long. No superpowers, no alpha-male attitude, and unlikely that my PIED is cured. Haven't had the chance to try out, to be honest, but something tells me that's the case. In all likelyhood, in the nearest future my biggest question will be how to measure my progress, how to test myself. I can say that I have improved in social skills, even if only a little, but it's definitelly there. I make more eyecontact, with both sexes, and I do less objectify girls around me. Just a few days ago, I was caught in another one of my fetish-urges, glazing at women's legs in the metro and then the thought crossed my mind: "What if she would look at me and see just a tool to satisfy her sexual hunger?". It's that simple, but it took me so long to realize that that's how I've been regarding the women around me all these years. And not just random gals, girls I dated had the same issue. I think this is reason enough to quit porn, it makes you realize who the people around you are, it makes you more human, it makes life more real.

    Anyway, today I realized that my fetish is a little more complex than I thought of it. Or rather I actually remembered this thought I had long ago. I realized that I don't react the same to every pantyhose-trigger out there. I can actually get turned off by a women in pantyhose if there's something "wrong". I haven't figured out this moment so far, and it's another thing on my research list in the near future. I can definitelly say that it's somehow emotionally related, I need to feel something for that women. Or to be more precise, the more I feel towards her, the stronger the fetish. Yet there's a level of intimicy where paradoxically my fetish does not react at all. Say, I wouldn't get turned on by my mother's feet in pantyhose for example.

    Well, so far so good. Still can't bring myself to read a few logs here in this section (Exoplante, Starkey, jipjap, you are all on my to-read list:p), but I hope that'll be fixed soon.

    Stay strong everybody!

    Cheers
     
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