Thoughts on how menstrual cycle impacts PMO

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by sleepysapphic, Jan 6, 2019.

  1. sleepysapphic

    sleepysapphic Fapstronaut

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    My period is on the way. I can tell it is near because my arousal levels are higher than usual. Even just scrolling through Pinterest and seeing an especially pretty girl is enough to get me to a state of desiring to masterbate.

    I realized that the last few days before my cycle begins, I am most susceptible to watching pornography. However, as I have learned about how porn negatively impacts the brain, I am cutting that out of my life for good.

    Prior to committing to leave porn alone, I had trouble orgasming without the external stimulation. But today, I made a conscious decision to reset the reboot and alter my goals from no PMO to just no P because I think that is more aligned with what works for me.
    This could change as I learn more but for now, it seems like a good plan.

    What have been your experiences?
     
  2. Soccer14

    Soccer14 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Sleepysapphic,

    I think what one has to abstain from varies from person to person and also varies throughout the healing process. Personally, when I started, I also considered whether I should abstain from all PM and O, or just P. Ultimately, I came to learn that they are too linked to be separated, at least at first. Once I had a solid period of recovery (for me it was 150 days no PMO) where I started feeling as though I had healed, I started to introduce MO back into my life in a healthy fashion. For me, this means focusing only on the sensation, without any porn or fantasy or visualization. Just enjoying how it feels, and nothing else. It used to take me a long time to orgasm, now it is incredibly easy.

    When you start, I think it's important to be a little extreme in what you abstain from. Your body and brain have a lot of healing to do, and it's difficult for us to really understand what harms us and sets us back. For example, watching people have intercourse is clearly harmful, but at first I thought, "Well I can still watch videos of attractive women in bikinis." Nope, that was also harmful. Then I thought I could at least view images of attractive women, as long as there was no cleavage, short shorts, etc.. Nope, that set me back, too. Ultimately I got tired of this torturous game where I'd make some progress and then destroy it, seemingly going back to step 1. What worked for me was avoiding all pixelated women (in other words, all two-dimensional women that you'd find on screens or paper...you get the idea). This wasn't too hard for me, because I don't use social media to begin with, so it wasn't a huge change. However, I did use dating apps, so a relationship was just something I had to put on the back burner while I healed. Sometimes what I would do, if I wanted to read/view something that had am image of a woman on it, I'd put my hand up so I couldn't see the image while I read/viewed the text around it. I think you just have to understand that it doesn't matter whether we're thinking, "This is porn, I like it, this person is hot, etc...". If it is an image similar to images we've seen in the past, it is catalyzing biochemical processes involved with our addiction, therefore perpetuating our addiction, and doing damage.

    As for whether M is linked or not...I don't have any experience really figuring this out. I think the general consensus here is that they're just too closely related. For a long time we conditioned porn and masturbation to be associated with each other by doing them at the same time. I think if you take just one of them away, the body still utilizes the same biochemical processes, which is why it perpetuates the addiction. I don't fully know what I'm talking about here. I would do a google search, "Do you have to stop masturbating to recover from porn addiction?". I think what you'll find is an overwhelming, "yes" from people who have overcome the addiction.

    My advise is to take a harder line than you think is reasonable, because otherwise it will take you longer to heal because you'll be unintentionally relapsing many, many times.

    Best of luck. Be patient with yourself and keep trying new things...but do yourself a favor, and at first, be a little more spartan than you'd like...just to be sure.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2019
    sleepysapphic likes this.
  3. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    @sleepysapphic

    I think @Soccer14 gave you some good advice.

    This addiction is VERY physical. The only way to get past that and see who you really are is to leave it all alone.

    That may sound extreme, but if you think about it......at what age was the last time you had gone 2 weeks or more without orgasm? If that has been years then your body has adapted needing and using those chemicals for a variety of things.

    Remember, this is a journey and not a sprint. Take the time to discover yourself and your body as it goes through changes. It think you will be amazed at what you learn.

    Be encouraged.
     
    Soccer14 likes this.
  4. sleepysapphic

    sleepysapphic Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for such a thoughtful response. I think you're right. I found that the urges are still pretty closely linked to compulsive and conditioned behaviors. I appreciate your patience and also your insight. I will be altering my goals back to the original reboot from all PMO for the time being.
     
    Soccer14 likes this.
  5. sleepysapphic

    sleepysapphic Fapstronaut

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    This is very encouraging and I'm glad that I shared these thoughts. I was nervous to share but I realize that there is so much to learn from people like you guys. You're overcoming these issues and learned from your setbacks. Thank you!
     
  6. Jen@8675309

    [email protected] NoFap Moderator
    Staff Member

    I'm the same way, in that I'm most susceptible when I'm nearing my period too. I've read this is common among a lot of women here from what they report in their reboot journals. For what it's worth, I also tried the 'just M' route, no porn, but I found quickly that if I allowed myself to masturbate, the frequency quickly increased and it led back to porn - every time. I discovered for myself that the only way for me to quit porn is to quit masturbating too. I'll be interested to see what your experience is and if you're the same way as me.
     
    Sam28 likes this.
  7. Freedom_lover

    Freedom_lover Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    What I have noticed in me is that the days when I feel most susceptible to doing MO are during my menstrual period and my period of ovulation.
    Although in my menstrual period I am more tempted to do so because I usually used MO as an analgesic for menstrual pain. In contrast, in my period of ovulation my libido goes up. In this period, it is the most difficult for me to do NoFap.
     
  8. SirErnest

    SirErnest Fapstronaut

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    Yup, a very wide-spread thing apparently. I guess it is down to you if you go full-nun or allow yourself a M session. I cannot know.
    I do remember as a younger person not having any P at all so wonder how long my M sessions were then. The internet has taken me down rather a dark hole, so definitely avoid the P and edging? Good luck...
     
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  9. sleepysapphic

    sleepysapphic Fapstronaut

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    Perhaps this is due to the 'chaser effect' that I read about? I did find that M made me crave more and more and it was unsustainable. It's unfortunate but hopefully, after an extended reboot, a healthy relationship with M will be possible.
     
  10. sleepysapphic

    sleepysapphic Fapstronaut

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    I dont think I'll have any more M sessions for a while, full-nun is both an amusing phrase and a more beneficial route for me. M sadly didn't help as an effective analgesic as I got deeper into addiction because it never felt like enough, if that makes sense. Each session left me with odd cramps in different areas of my body and only temporary relaxation
     
  11. Moniq

    Moniq Fapstronaut

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    I find my experiences similar, the more I M the more I want it, sessions were longer and since I discovered 'edging' it went completely ballistic. So 'full nun' :):) is probably the only option for many. I would love to have a healthy relationship with M, and perhaps it would be interesting to discuss what does that mean!
     
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  12. sleepysapphic

    sleepysapphic Fapstronaut

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    I'm really curious about what healthy M means too! Do you think that should be a new thread on the women's forum?
     
  13. Moniq

    Moniq Fapstronaut

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    I was thinking about a new thread, yes. Because it is quite a subject on its own, possibly highly controversial :)
     
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