Thoughts about the incels

I visited their board and there are people who get rejected by prostitutes. This is how unattractive they are. Combine that with a dog-eat-dog/ all or nothing society, an abusive school system in which they are sure to get exploited by their peers, no chance of ecaping the situation, no real empathy and no way to get comfort and you have one hell of a life.

I'm surprised at how judgemental and dismissive some of you are towards incels. As recovering porn addicts, we know best what it's like to have such private issues which cannot be talked about anywhere. The same is with men not being able to find a girlfriend. It is emberassing and trends like "virgin shaming" take the discomfort to extreme levels.

I don't have any advice I could give to incels that wouldn't also apply to "normal people". I just hope that they realize that there are things to enjoy in life.

 

Like I said in an earlier post, I think a lot of people conflate what incel actually means with the sensationalised version of it that people use an an insult. I would wager that a lot of people on this site are, by the simple definition of the word, incels, but they are so reluctant to admit it because of how shameful it might feel or because of how society has led them to feel bad for it. Lets face it, its "normal" to an extent to feel bad about not having sex, we arent sentient rocks after all, we are flesh and blood and reproduction is important to us on a biological level. Where the problem lies is when people start buying into the fucked up version of it that is propagated by modern society. If you reject this view even slightly, you are viewed as abnormal or weird in some way, and that just makes the problem worse.

A pathological lack of empathy leads to people who are already vulnerable becoming even more messed up? Its not like even Stevie Wonder could have seen that one coming.

 

I'm not a fan of such terms beyond using them to help identify some issues ourselves or others could potentially address.

 

Rejected by prostitutes? What a crazy world we live in.

 

Nonsense. The incels are unable to find a partner because they whine about their bad genes online instead of doing anything to improve their situation. Fapstronauts are the exact opposite of those defeatist feeling-sorry-for-themselves morons.

 

I would say that really isn't true for most people. Literally anyone who wants to have a relationship/sex and is unable to for any reason is an incel, by the simple definition of the term. Lumping every single one of them together under one umbrella only exacerbates the problem. Being on NoFap and being an incel arent mutually exclusive, to be honest I imagine a lot of people on here are. I mean technically, I'm an incel, and I'm not a "defeatist feeling-sorry-for-themselves moron".

 

If not having as much sex as he'd like makes a guy an incel then wearing a brown shirt makes him a Nazi. The incels are a distinct group in that they believe their failures are permanent because natural selection has branded them as defective. It makes it much easier to sit home and do nothing.

 

This runs the risk of turning into a purely semantic argument, but you are conflating what an incel is and "incel ideology", which is what you describe. Its possible to be an incel and not subscribe to toxic incel beliefs, like I said in the previous message, whether I like it or not, I am technically an incel, and I dont subscribe to anything you see on incel forums or websites. I cant help but find it ironic that anyone on a niche site like NoFap would throw stones at another group of people that experience similar levels of vitriol from society at large. Many people say that NoFap is full of sexually repressed weirdos and perverts, and that isn't true at all, just like it isn't true at all that incels all subscribe to the same belief systems or ideas.

 

It is semantic but pretty much everyone (except you, apparently) understands incels to be a specific group of people who (think that they) can't get laid. Your insistence on being an incel is super weird, it's as if the dudes working on a house across the street called themselves freemasons. It's technically not wrong but...

Anyways, I don't think "society at large" knows about nofap let alone holds any bad opinions of us.

 

I dont think you are getting what I'm trying to say here. The word incel literally means "someone who wants to be in a relationship/have sex but isn't able to/cant", and that applies to literally anyone and for any reason and its not a case of "insisting" on anything, you either are, or you arent. It has nothing to do with believing in anything or practising any one specific action. I'm not sure how many times I have to say that being an incel doesnt necessarily mean you believe in the stupid shit they say on forums before you start to understand what I'm saying. To conflate the two things together is misguided and overly simplistic.

Also, society does know about NoFap, and a majority of people believe it to be abnormal and weird. There was even a thread posted the other day about the media trying to paint NoFap as being an alt right racist conspiracy. If you were to speak openly about NoFap chances are people would think there is something wrong with you unless you get lucky. This is why I take issue with saying that people on NoFap are the exact opposite of incels, when the crossover between the two is massive and it seems extremely odd to attack them like they arent just as vulnerable and messed up as we are. I'm not saying show any empathy to the ones that want to legalise rape and treat women like chattel, but to the ones desperate for a human connection who are unable to get it due to whatever problem they have, real or imagined, surely those people need sympathy and help, not scorn, mockery, and dehumanisation?

 

Oof. Why am I even continuing with this pointless exchange? Well, I tried two times already, it probably won't get through now but what the hell. From Wikipedia:

Is it really so hard to understand that some terms have a different meaning than when broken down literally? Please stop calling yourself an incel.

Anyone who had to deal with another person or even themselves during a chronic state of self-pity will tell you what needs to be done to cure the sick: you join in with the whining and tell them, "oh you poor thing, they're so mean to you" and pat their heads.

Oh wait, that's exactly what you definitely shouldn't do. If Elliot Rodger's father made his son get his shit together instead of buying him a BMW then perhaps 6 innocent people wouldn't have died.

The only cure to self pity is a big slap in the face.

 

I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt when you said I was weird and insulted my intelligence the first time, maybe I was just being paranoid, but no, you're just straight up being rude to me now, not to mention you are still not getting me. My entire argument boils down to DIFFERENTIATING between the subculture and the literal word, and showing some god damn empathy to people who are suffering from similar sexual dysfunctions to the people on this site. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones and all that?

The self pity thing is also laughably simplistic, and lacks any sort of nuance, but then again your entire point lacks it. Rather than trying to have an even handed exchange with me, you insult my intelligence and then strawman the everliving fuck out of what I was trying to say to make me seem like I'm in idiot who doesnt understand what you're saying. News flash buddy, I knew what your point was the whole time, I just disagree with it, and have arguments as to why, I would ask you to try and actually ARGUE your point without implying I'm stupid or straight up ignoring half of what I say, but frankly I'm tired of this now and it is going nowhere.

 

Well, I can't deny implying you're an idiot but since you've just returned the favor, I don't think I have to.

Compulsive viewing of pornography is a kind of conscious sabotage of one's romantic prospects so there is definitely some overlap. You're right in that.

Your criticism of intolerance is not misplaced either because the self-hatred of those people (and some of us here) has a lot to do with the broad societal attitude.

But it's also completely irrelevant because, you know, the society ain't gonna change to our liking anytime soon. The only winning strategy for the individual is to bite his tongue and man up. It's not a simplistic view if the situation itself is simple.

Now go burn some children alive, Stannis, this sentimentality doesn't suit you.

 

In the argument here between @AtomicTango and @_.._ , I side with Atomic Tango. I know nothing about the incel subculture, except for snippets that I've heard on here, but when I hear that word, I can't help but think it applies to me, being a 35 year-old virgin and all. Though I don't whine about this fact and I do focus on self-improvement. I'll relay a story about when I befriended a phone sex operator, here is the thread for background: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...-with-phone-sex-operator.189355/#post-1621782. I had told her about my virginity, and that I was on NoFap, and she said dismissively "oh no that's tied in with that whole incel thing". Might as well just own that incel label, if that's what people think of me

 

Thank you for acknowledging the point I was trying to make, at the end of the day we seem to agree with each other more than we disagree and it got lost amidst the passive-aggressiveness from both of us. I think there is a middle ground to be achieved where by incels and people with other sexual dysfunctions can be helped without going too far into coddling territory, but honestly this forum isn't the right place to have that discussion and I'm not a psychologist or anything.

On a lighter note, I honestly forgot my icon was Stannis, I really ought to change it on account of me not even watching the show anymore.

 

This is a good point I should have mentioned, that a lot of people link these different groups together, and to be fair, I can kind of understand why someone would believe incels and nofap are the same thing, as opposed to just being in the same ballpark. Dont misunderstand, I have no sympathy for anyone who espouses the views you see on incel specific forums and on the now-banned subreddit, but there are a whole swathe of other people, different people, that technically fall into the category of incel that dont deserve to be accused of believing what the fist group believes. Like I said earlier, its a pedantic argument to make, but one I will make regardless.

 

Incels maybe extremely unattractive and/or may have zero social skills to be able to attract someone for a sexual relationship.

 

Why does anyone give a crap about this? It's completely irrelevant. People ought to devote their attention to things that matter.

 

I think all the red pill is waste of time and everything like that, it's just for people to pity themselves often and set some kind bar. All really is about improving themselves and a lot of people when they randomly pick up girls forget that tons are already taken then they get rejected

 

I don't know much about them, but from what I do know, I have to say that I'm not impressed with their attitudes. They seem to think that girls are responsible for all of their suffering. They seem to think that if they are good, then girls owe it to them to have sex with them. I have a problem with that attitude.