Thought I finally met someone at a college party - Nope.

At least you have the chance to meet single women. I can't remember the last time I met a single woman. Every single new woman I meet is already taken. It's so demoralizing to not even have a chance at getting rejected because they're already taken.

 

of course you will meet your soulmate

 

Welcome to being a man we all think that sometimes

 

Hey man things are going to get better. Just try to focus on conquering this pmo thing for now. Try not to focus on girls , I know it’s hard because I’m going through the same thing now. But girls come and go, what’s more important is that you focus on yourself and what makes you happy. I believe in you man, keep it up

 

i just woke up ( yeah its 8:30 pm in my country so what hahaha)

First you asked something about how you felt like shit talking to the girl at the party then deletimg from snap that will all pass after you talk to more women you will realise how women are ( not a women hater just statimg science and how men should act around women see poimt 2 ) your only experince with women are your ex and friend so the more women you talk to hangout and bang the stronger skin ypu will have when they do shit to you.

Second you made a couple of mistakes when talkimg to this hot chick at the party which you will learn over time with more experince but zhe biggest one was when you sent the text we should meet soon with that you gave her attention and she did not like you anymore
You should have not answered and she would have blown up your phone
womem want what they cant have.

And third you and your friend just cuddeled thats it if she wants to break the friendship over that let her.
That is not a true friend and before you start saying something to me i have lost friends these last few years ( people that i have helped and known for years ). so if someone is willing to leave because of alittel uncomfortablness then let her.
And you always being horney and wanting to get laid well you are 21 so that is normlae dont let anyone tell you otherwise or try to brainwash you that something is wrong with you.

There is more i want to say because you young and have lots to learn but i just woke and can not type .

 

you're 21; focus on your career and acquire wealth instead of wasting time with girls. Chase your dreams and aspirations and girls will come to you. In this era of false rape allegations and #poundmetoo dating and hookups are dangerous as hell especially on a college campus. Stay safe brother. Disregard women acquire money.

 

1. The hotty at the party, you could of flirted back, played it cool and just not be bothered when she said facts. Compliment her back and see where it goes. Worst case I'd just leave jer my number and say then call me if it doesnt work out.
2. I would of responded to ur friends text saying : forget what happened? She was just making sure she'd kill any hope you had and confirm ur friendzone spot. I don't like those types of texts. That response would of spun her head the very least. Thats just me.

What you think lads

 

She clearly wants the d. Though you might be uncomfortable with allowing her to cheat on her bf.

Congrats anyway, you are not incel, you are "f*ckable". Keep going to parties and eventually you will get into a relationship.

 

Personally, I think this is your problem. It really seems to be at the core of your entire struggle.

Let me ask you this: why do you want to get laid? Kind of a silly question, isn't it? But give it some serious consideration for a moment. What answer did you come up with?
Is it because having sex feels good?
Is it because having sex makes you feel accepted?
Is it because having sex makes you feel validated as a man?
Is it because having sex makes you feel intimate and connected with other people?

Whatever your reasons, it would do you well to recognize that none of these things are things you could actually have without their counterparts.
There is no such thing as feeling good unless there is also the idea of feeling pain.
There is no such thing as acceptance without rejection.
There is no such thing as validation without ridicule and marginalization.
There is no such thing as intimacy without isolation and distance.

Therefore, we see that you don't really want to feel good. You want to feel bad and you want to feel good, otherwise the good feeling wouldn't have any depth or definition.
You don't really want to be accepted. You want to be rejected a bunch of times and then be accepted, otherwise the acceptance won't mean anything at all.
You don't really want to be validated as a man. You want to feel feminine, unmanly, and "sensitive" sometimes, otherwise you won't even understand what it really means to be a man.
You don't really want to be intimate or connected with people. You want to spend some time alone, isolated. Otherwise, you won't really understand the value of human intimacy.

If you're still with me up to this point, then I encourage you to consider my original question again: Why do you want to get laid? The answer is that you don't. You don't want to get laid. You want the loneliness, you want the awkward nights at parties, you want to "be friendzoned" or whatever, you want to face rejection until it hurts, you want to lose confidence in yourself.

In other words, you already have everything you want.

So, now that you understand that you already have everything you want. So what? What do I do now? Well, my advice is to learn to appreciate what you have. Enjoy your college courses (you might miss that stuff when you enter the work force). Enjoy your good health. Enjoy your five senses (touch, taste, smell, hearing, and vision). Eat delicious foods, go outside in nature and see all the fascinating creatures that live on the planet, listen to good music and go to concerts for bands you like. Watch a sunset every once in a while and really just enjoy it. Enjoy your life, man. It's a gift.

I'm not telling you to enjoy your life because I think it will get you laid. I don't know if it will or not. I'm telling you to enjoy your life because, if you do it sincerely, you won't need to get laid to be at peace with who you are.

 

Here, my brother, is where you made / are making your critical mistake: you’re placing too much significance on interactions with women. I’ve struggled with this too, but I’m getting better. One of the biggest indicators of a man’s inexperience with women is his inability to just hang out, joke around and be just fine not expecting anything to come out of the interaction. It’s a tough one to grasp but the fact is these women are just people too, they love doing much of the same things you do in social situations; hanging out with friends, shooting the shit with strangers, getting drunk and acting a fool. The only fix for you is to start right now practicing how to simply talk to another human being, i.e. share your personality with someone else.

Just relax and be a nice person (nice person not nice guy) for the hell of it. Talk to her like you would a guy who mentions the score of last night’s baseball game; open, friendly and with no other motive than to talk baseball. You will be amazed how your interactions will improve to the point after about 6 months that having a conversation with even hot women will be natural. One thing I did to practice this when I went back to university was to just make a random comment to any women I came across. 50% of the time I'd be blown off, either with an eye roll or a smile or just ignored. The other 50%, though, some of these women actually stopped to talk or they laughed at what I had just said, giving me an opportunity to say something else or even responded with a comment of their own. An example, we’re two weeks from finals here and today as I came down the hallway to a discussion group, I noticed this girl who was sitting really hunched into her computer. this is how that interaction went:
ME: Yeah, maybe if you stare harder into the textbook, you will become the textbook.
HER: (straightens up and looks at me standing there smiling at her)
ME: Then again you might just end up with neck pain and a barely acceptable grade.
HER: I didn’t even notice I was doing that (leans he head back and rubs the back of her neck)
ME: You should get a taller desk, that’ll level the screen with your eyes and keep you sitting up straight. (There’re desks of all shapes and sizes all over the corridor) I walked away as she scanned the corridor, then as I left the discussion (reading your post actually), she was still there
HER: Hey, look, I took your advice. (Showing off her tall desk) it’s working so far
ME: Of course it would, I give the best advice
HER: (chuckles) Really? You’re that smart?
ME: I’m smarter than half the people in this building (artificial conceit)
HER: (chuckles some more) And the other half?
ME: (pretends to scan the other people around us) They’ve been studying really hard
HER: (Laughs as I walk way)
no pressure, no burden to perform, just two people talking pointlessly. Take the pressure off yourself when you interact, just talk to people.

As refers to this habit of rating women. STOP IT NOW. A solid 8? So what, she’s a woman talking to a man. Full stop. Rating women and examining them in order to furnish a rating is the behavior of a man who does not regularly interact with women; it is pedestalising women, objectifying them and this repulses them from a mile away. You are not missing anything about socializing in your demographic, you are simply socializing with the wrong mindset. You are placing too much emphasis on your interactions, you are objectifying and pedestalising women and you're not going out enough; I’m willing to guess that this leaves you reeking of inexperience and desperation which puts people off more than anything else.

As a matter of fact on the subject of getting a girlfriend, a snowflake stands a better chance in hell than you do of getting a girlfriend with your attitude of playing the victim, getting your hopes up over what is essentially nothing and letting yourself play teddy bear for girls. Go read the blog posts ‘Just Get It’ on The Rational Male to realise what your attitude is not doing for you, then ‘Expectations, or Why You Suck At Dating’ at Pat Stedman.

If it seems harsh, brother, it has to be said. I want you to learn this at 21 so that when you are 27 like me, you will be able to have the interactions you want to have, to define the terms of these interactions, to take the risk of initiating, to be forward, to share your energy and personality freely with other people who want to share with you, to be sure of yourself, to be confident enough to never be afraid of her or backpedal and have the self–dependence to continue generating the options to exercise all this. You might notice that building these traits that will get you that girlfriend you so seem to want.

Also, the friendzone doesn’t exist. It is a rejection region for nice guys. It is a construct of a scarcity mindset that pushes men to believe that sticking around a woman ‘as a friend’ is better than trying to find another woman who might genuinely want either to be friends or get intimate (the best is both). So if you struggle with the friendzone, it’s your own fault. You built it, put yourself in it and are keeping yourself in it. I obviously don’t have the context of your relationship with this old friend of yours but I once was in this same position with a friend of mine who had me over to hers to watch 4 (FOUR!) episodes of Gossip Girl while she was sick with a flu. She wasn’t that sick. I made her a hot water bottle, we had some chicken soup she made, talked for a while and watched Gossip Girl. Later she texted to thank me for coming over and that it was nice but we shouldn’t let that kind of intimacy affect how we were friends. I said, “OK”. Three years later she told me I was pathetic to let her treat me like a teddy-bear like that.
Good Luck.

 

Wow, you're in college and on NoFap. I must tell you that I am very proud of you! I got into PMO in college and for the years after. I was 2-3 PMO's/day guy. I would do it early morning AND late at night. Keep trying to get clean from P. I really wish I knew about the dangers of P years ago. I am paying the price for it, but it's still never too late to do the right thing. I have had so many improvements since I started NoFap. One of these was my experience with women. Rejection and loneliness made me turn to PMO. As a result, I was less motivated to socialize with women. Since I started NoFap, I really started making efforts to improve my way with women. I would speak to them every opportunity I got. I was even funny! At the moment, I am still waiting to meet one where everything will line up... but I digress... anyways, congratulations on 54 days and keep up to good work!

In response to your post. I have been where you are with the whole rejection and friend-zoning. I know that it sucks! And I have also been teased by girls I THOUGHT I liked.

That girl should have known better than to tease you like that. In the same time, with the way she treated you, she is not someone you would have wanted anyway. Would you seriously want a girlfriend like that who would play games with other guys behind your back like that? Again, you are younger than I am. People told me these kind of things and at the time, I did not fully understand them. Don't worry, it will all make sense one day. We all want that hottie, but after you gotten to know her, and what she did to you, do you really still want her? Move on and forget about her.

Read my lips. No more "I'm not attractive". Be confident. You need to believe to become. I am telling you this because I was a guy who would really put himself down, and it NEVER did me any good. Friends would ask me about my love life, and I literally would say bs stuff such as "She is a 10, and I am a 2." It was not fair for me to think that way. There is truth to "You need to love yourself if you want others to." I also want to take "love yourself" a step further and instead tell you "Be kind to yourself!"

Do NOT worry about a thing. Your time is coming. It might not be tomorrow, or even next week, but keep the faith. I never had a girlfriend. I only begun to seriously date in the last year.

Be kind to yourself. When I started to work on improving my confidence, that was my first step into getting a taste of a better love life. I still haven't found someone, but I am starting to believe for the first that that she is out there, she is closer than I probably imagine.

This happened to me last year. The reason I am sharing this with you is because you need to know that nothing good will come out if you let things like rejection, friend-zoning, and the CRAZIES get to you. I was traveling alone a while back and there were couples everywhere. It's Europe after all... as a result I was never more motivated to find a lady. If you wanna read more, here is the whole story. When I first started NoFap 2 years ago, I have read similar stories, but I never thought I would write one like this of my own. I guarantee that one day you will have your Success Story to tell as well!
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...amazing-romantic-experience-in-europe.101488/

Again, I'm still not where I want to ultimately be. In fact, I just got back from a date last night and she texted me that it's not going to work out. However, in the last year, I did get a taste of a better love life, and I continue to believe in myself greater than ever before. I need to find JUST ONE where everything will line up; aka she isn't taken, she isn't crazy, she doesn't play games, doesn't live far away, etc... I might not be a "playa", but I do believe that when I meet the one, it will be worth the wait.

You'll be alright kid! Have fun finding yourself in college! Keep putting yourself out there. Don't be shy. Say hello. If you are interested, talk to her. If you like her, ask her for a coffee. If you really like her, go for her! Most importantly, BE KIND TO YOURSELF!