This is rock bottom.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by NF SINCE BIRTH, Aug 16, 2019.

  1. NF SINCE BIRTH

    NF SINCE BIRTH Fapstronaut

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    I have been trough a pretty rough time recently and abandoned Nofap. PMO helped relieve some stress in the beginning but as always the more I do it, the less pleasure I feel. After a while no woman in the world can turn me on.

    Today I think I hit rock bottom. After my last PMO session which lasted for 1 hour+ with blood and sweat I started thinking again. My life situation is pretty crappy. I am in a hospital getting treated for psychosis, and I was unfortunate enough to get multi resistent bacteria after a surgery two months ago. So I am in complete isolation pretty much.

    I didn't find much else to do than to PMO. Believe me though. PMO is making everything worse. Depression is worse. Right now it is hard to imagine having sex with a real woman. Not because I dont think I am pretty or handsome enough. My looks are more than ok and I rely a lot on my personality and intelligence.

    It is because real women wont turn me on. If I see a girl my anxiety levels go trough the roof. I cant do anything but recalling porn scenes everywhere. I have to look away so people dont see what I see. I do rather not talk to anyone right now than to go trough all that anxiety.

    PMO works a little like drugs. It gives instant relief but slowly makes you feel worse over time. It also blocks my recovery process with my schizoaffective disorder. I hallucinate less, I have less turbulent emotions. My depression is pretty constant. Everything is flat.

    If someone asks me, I dont know what I feel. My memory is crap. Cant even remember yesterday. In order to feel everything and work with my problems I have to quit PMO. It covers up my emotions and brain activity like a blanket. I would rather have violent panic attacks 4 times a day than to live in a limbo like this. I am quitting PMO.
     
  2. be Dane

    be Dane Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for sharing and I beleive u made the right decision.
     
    NamaClature14 and Enwar like this.
  3. NamaClature14

    NamaClature14 Fapstronaut

    Alright sounds like your ready this time. One day at a time now moving forward, no point in looking back any longer.
     
  4. Chappie77

    Chappie77 Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes when I'm in moments of deep despair it helps me to think that i've had these bad times before. and I got through them.
    and I don't mean I got through them and everythings wonderful and I'm cured and i made it.
    I mean I've had brighter days after them. I've had days where I felt good. Days were I could smile despite my situation. days were I enjoyed my hobbie or went for a walk in nature.
    I would like to think that maybe you too could have hope in this dark time for a better day to come
     

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