1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

This ends today!

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Alyx87, Jul 3, 2016.

  1. Alyx87

    Alyx87 Fapstronaut

    Hello strong willed members of this lovely community! :D

    Last year I participated on Reddit briefly. Back then, I didn't realize how detrimental fapping was, quickly relapsed and was ok with it. I fap around 4-6 times a day and enjoy it more if I can get high beforehand. So as I discovered this connection, I started smoking a lot. This went on for 4 years and my life gradually declined - nothing made me happy and I lacked motivation to do anything, slowly becoming an outcast. This is the #1 reason I need to stop.

    Lately things have started to change - when I got high, I no longer wanted to fap but did it none the less only to be confronted with shame afterwards. Why am I doing this to myself? I now understand what a mess the dopamine receptors in my brain are in and this has motivated me to regain balance purely because it's chemistry, not magic. I went on a much needed holiday last week and gained a perspective on life which helped me set a few radical (for me) preliminary tasks which I've already completed :)
    • removed all porn from hard disk in a way it cannot be recovered (been accumulating it since 2004)
    • blocked certain websites through the router just as a precaution
    • got rid of all accessories related to a few fetishes
    • dumped all smoking and growing equipment
    • went to where I had a few plants growing and ripped them all out
    So today marks the day where my brain begins to reset. It's double the effort, but hopefully double the reward. I'm not worried about relapsing in smoking, I cannot source it anywhere and it already feels great to know that I'm free. But as far as fapping is concerned - well that's going to be a whole lot harder. And the worst part? I live alone and run my own business. Lots of time to do whatever I please. That's why I'm here. I hope that over time I can become a beneficial and supportive member of this community but until I experience the troubles of this challenge first hand, it's going to be hard to motivate others. So please hang in there!

    Challenge begins now: 30 days for a start :) No hard mode, have a great missus I've been neglecting recently - another reason to better myself!
     
    Rapparee and grffn like this.
  2. grffn

    grffn Fapstronaut

    223
    154
    43
    Congratulations on taking the first big steps. Deleting your porn stash and getting rid of your smoking paraphernalia must have taken a lot of courage. However, lots of people fall victim to the trap of making a big gesture on Day 1 but then not putting the work in over the following days, weeks, and months. Don't fall victim to this trap!

    It sounds like you are pretty knowledgeable about NoFap and you are aware of the difficulty of this challenge. One of the biggest difficulties for me is that as much as I know about it, when the urge hits its so easy to let the animal brain take over, and once you reach that Point of No Return, you're fucked.

    Remind yourself daily what your goals are. It's not just about normalizing your sex life. It's an opportunity to make yourself a better man. I think a lot of people try to do this with pure willpower when fighting urges. Fighting the urge isn't enough. It's about having willpower to better yourself even when you're not feeling that urge. This is justified by neuroscience as new habits established over a long enough period of time create new neural pathways in the brain. New habits might be going to the gym 4 mornings a week, meditating for 10 minutes a day, reading books, starting that blog you always wanted to start, etc. You have to build new neural pathways to overtake the old ones.

    Also remind yourself daily what the consequences are if you relapse. For me, I try to visualize myself masturbating like I used to in a dark room alone for hours, and then the shame and guilt, and then the brain fog and inability to make connections with real people. I used to want to kill myself daily, and I keep that feeling in mind to deter myself from doing it again.

    I wish I could be you. I relapsed over and over again for 4-5 years. The relapse-recovery cycle is a roller-coaster riddled with shame and guilt. It became easier and easier to allow myself to relapse. Don't allow yourself to do the same! You will be so much happier, wiser, stronger, and more peaceful for it.
     
    Alyx87 likes this.
  3. Alyx87

    Alyx87 Fapstronaut

    Thank you friend for your response. I hope not to fall victim to the trap you mention but only time will tell! My willpower is not very good but if I see progress, it will improve. I'm going to sign up for the 21 day challenges as soon as my mind becomes a bit more clear.

    Relapsing for 4-5 years sounds really tough. How have you been dealing with it? You must be very dedicated and strong willed considering the hardships you've encountered. If this fight can go on for such a long time, it begs the question if we're like alcoholics who cannot be cured and need to abstain for the rest of their lives.

    Care to give me a like? I'd love a counter, seeing that bar fill up must be uplifting.
     
    grffn likes this.
  4. Rapparee

    Rapparee Guest

    Welcome to NoFap @Alyx87, you have a well structured approach towards dealing with your P addiction already especially with those steps you listed. Don't worry about not being motivated enough at the beginning to be there for others, if I found out anything at the start of this struggle its that it takes time to engage with people on that level again. Just soak up all the experience and knowledge around, then I'm sure you will be there just as much as anyone else on here.
     
    Alyx87 likes this.
  5. Alyx87

    Alyx87 Fapstronaut

    Cheers @Rapparee .

    Almost gave in today (1.5 days, really?). But at least there are a few lessons to be learned. It's funny how the mind tries to trick you. I started having thoughts that perhaps abstaining from MO is not necessary, that just P will be ok? Searched the internet for posts which would support this (and found some) but thankfully I arrived at the right conclusions. Perhaps I won't have to abstain from MO in the future, but I am doing so now.

    Next came the thought do I really have a P addiction? My P has been roughly the same from day one, very different to straight users watching gay porn due to desensitization. But that's not the point. It's the stimulus in the pixels and being able to experience an arousing image at the click of a button that's the problem. If I get a kick out of an image of an ex partner fully dressed, it's exactly the same as someone watching hardcore porn which doesn't match his sexuality in order to get aroused.

    Staying strong and thanks for the counter!
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2016
  6. Alyx87

    Alyx87 Fapstronaut

    Hello again fellow fapstronauts. It's been almost a year since I last logged in. That time around it didn't work because I didn't truly understand what was at stake and how PMO was influencing me. Scientifically I understood it all too well, but I didn't understand what was really missing from my life.

    I was in a relationship and fully in my comfort zone. What was important to me was having a partner, as I stupidly thought, unconditionally. She left me last year. We gave it another shot but I blew it. Although my brain was saying yes, she's amazing, fight for her, change for the better, make her happy, my heart was silent. I felt no emotion whatsoever. When we parted ways for the second and final time it hit me that PMO is to blame.

    Where I would be, had I stuck with Nofap the 1st time around:
    - Most likely engaged and planning a wedding, living with the missus and leading a meaningful, satisfying life.

    Where I am now:
    - Back at home living with my parents, single, emotionally depleted and ticking pretty much every box on the negative aspects of masturbation as found on YBOP.

    There is one thing I've "achieved" (it wasn't hard) since my last visits here - I don't smoke pot anymore and have been clean for 6 months now. Although it doesn't feel like much, that's a step in the right direction. I also have no porn on my computer whatsoever and no way of recovering it anymore (that happened).

    My journey started 15 days ago. I relapsed a few times, longest streak was 5 days. It's the longest I've gone in 17 years, pretty sure of that! Now I've been relapsing every day for the past few days and I blame it (see what my mind is doing here?) on a cold. I'm stuck at home and depressed. Before it hit me I was feeling absolutely amazing on day 3-5. I've been writing a diary, here are my observations:
    - Slept incredibly well
    - Got loads of things done
    - Had proper breakfasts
    - Motivated towards workouts
    - Was out socializing every day
    - Felt very attracted towards real women and had meaningful conversations with them
    - Ended up having sex with a friend (this would NOT have happened if it weren't for nofap) and it felt amazing


    My goal this time around: to OBSERVE CHANGES and write a journal daily. There is no time target.
     

Share This Page