Things parents & kids say (Funny)

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Kenzi, Jul 7, 2017.

  1. The youngest one (the one with the bad English ;-) ) always had the funniest ways of pronouncing English words. From "I loyvu" to "This is ricky dillis".
     
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  2. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    So.... Our cat has a bell.... Cuz what cat doesn't these days...


    *jingle
    *jingle
    *jingle


    *jingle
    *jingle

    Me- Stop using the cat as a musical instrument!
    Kid#4- can I use it as a doll?
    Me- what? NO! JUST... go get dressed for school!

    Sooooo.... This just happened.
     
  3. So the toddler calls oranges "balls" bc he can't say orange and well..it looks like a ball.
    Yesterday kid#2 was drinking orange juice and gave some to Toddler.
    Kid#1 says "yummy ball juice"

    I say umm yeah let's not say that...

    Kid#2 wait eww
     
  4. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Bahahahahahahahahahaha
     
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  5. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    So....
    Kid #4 was looking at our tree (cuz it's already up)
    & says "how many sleeps til Christmas?"
    Me, - "like, 27"
    Kid #4 "27?!?!! That's a lifetime!"
    She falls over.
    .... Way to be dramatic.
    .... "what's wrong with 27 sleeps?"
    Kid #4 "I'll be dead by then! Can't we have Christmas tomorrow?"
    Ha!
    "no.
    And you are fine.... Now go get your jammies on."
    "whhhhhyyyyy??"
    "in case you are alive, you have school tomorrow and I'm Sure Santa wants you there" - Me

    Seriously?





    _____________________


    So kid #5 was giving us his Christmas list.... While mostly having a conversation with kid #3.

    It went like this -

    Kid #5 - " I want a Nintendo switch and a laptop and a tablet and a..."
    Kid #3 - " well I want a Xbox one and PS 4"
    Me and Rock Star were sitting in the living room also.
    Rock Star interrupted- " and how are you guys going to get all this?"
    Kid #3 - "I know it's expensive. That is why we are asking Santa"
    Kid #5 - " I only want 4 expensive things this year... No, 5!"
    Rock_Star - "Santa?"
    Kid #5 - "Santa can make Anything in his workshop"
    Me - " and who's Christmas list have you heard... NOT each other's! (parent point at both children) And do you plan to help or buy for?"

    Both kids - "Ummmmm......."

    Kid #4- "i want a disco ball!"

    *facepalm
     
  6. Broken81

    Broken81 Fapstronaut

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    I'm sitting in the chip shop and just proper laughed at minion penis names. I look a bit mad!
     
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  7. Broken81

    Broken81 Fapstronaut

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    Hubs sprained his ankle a few weeks ago and I strapped it up in an ankle support.
    Walking out of school my son asks in a very loud voice "mummy, is daddy still wearing his strap on?"
     
  8. Broken81

    Broken81 Fapstronaut

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    "Stop licking the cat" was a sentence I never thought I'd have to say. Or "Do NOT eat that skink tail". "No you can't wash your hands in the toilet. No, it does not matter if you flushed it".
     
  9. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    So.... One of our kids refers to every...
    Hanger, post, or hook

    (Basically anywhere you can hang something)

    As a hooker.

    Lmao... Yes

    And when we have guests or go out somewhere...
    These make hilarious moments
    Such as -
    "don't forget to hang your coat on the hooker"
    "dad, look, hookers!"
    "you missed the hooker"
    &
    "This place has fancy hookers"
     
  10. When my little daughter (#3) was learning English, my wife asked her:
    My wife: How old are you?
    Kid #3: I.... am..... eight.... years..... young!
     
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  11. osmowife

    osmowife Fapstronaut

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    I said to my 9 yo "When I was your age we didn't have emojis ."
     
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  12. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Spent the day in the ER...
    My kid got a concussion
    My other kid was talking about how the chair had "a strange hooker"
    The nurse said "the hooker got out??"
    Turns out, a hooker who had been arrested was in the ER for treatment and my kid saying this about caused a 5 bell alarm thinking she had gotten out of her room and passed her security guard...
    Lmao
     
  13. Ongoingsupport

    Ongoingsupport Fapstronaut

    Sorry to hear about the concussion though.
     
  14. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Thank you,
    They are OK... We are out of the 24hours and everything went well. :)
    Sometimes kids get bumps, it's just always better to go, then not IMO
     
  15. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    So in a drive and
    kid #4 says- "I'm so thirsty! Can I have some water to drink?"
    & Rock_Star says "we don't have any water"
    I say "have some air if you are hot"
    And I roll down the window
    And my kid whines
    "I don't want to drink air!"
    LOL
     
  16. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Since you brought this to bear. This is a story that goes back a couple of decades:

    SETTING: Pregnant Momma and Small Child are in the Grocery Store shopping for Groceries. This particular parent at some point in her infinite wisdom decided that she would never lie to her child about anything. But she was careful in how she worded things such the she could teach the child at the child's level.

    CHILD: How did the baby get there.
    MOMMA: Well, Mommy had an Egg and Daddy had a Sperm and Daddy planted a Sperm to fertilize the Egg.
    CHILD: Oh (and just simply accepts that answer and goes about playing with its toy.
    ...sometime a few minutes later... Child looks up, spots another Pregnant Woman on the aisle in the grocery store.
    CHILD: Look Mommy. Daddy planted a Sperm in her too!

    Children rationalize things in their mind with sound logic, and then we are mortified because we have a more "world view" of a subliminal meaning behind it. It makes perfect sense to them to say such a thing. But to us, it is embarrassing.
     
  17. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Was reading something the other day and it reminded me of this...

    It went..

    Mom (shouting) - "Why is there ice cream in the dryer??"
    Me to three years old (in living room, whispering) - "why is there ice cream in the dryer?"
    Kid (happily oblivious) - "because it was wet"
    *dad nods


    And there you have it.
    Perfect logic.
    From a kid :)
     
  18. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

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    Was having lunch with my mom today, who's a physician, and she brought up something that happened to her during the processing of a new car purchase, over email, something that happens to her quite frequently actually. Being single a mom in this country is... traumatic. Everywhere you go, 'You husband's name? Where is your husband now? How is he? What happened to him?' It never stops, and 'frustrating' or infuriating' don't even come close. Wherever you go, your husband's name comes first. Like this signing, the first thing the guy asks, 'Spouse's name?' For buying a car! So, Mama hasn't replied yet, but she's some ideas on how to respond, which she shared with me, and it went something like this:

    Mom: So, I think I know how I'm going to reply. I'll say something like I'm unmarried.

    Me: *Raises eyebrows* You did mention me, right?

    Mom: Well, yes, I have. I'd say something like: 'Well, Sir, I... I... don't know my son's father's name.' I'll end on a mysterious note, and, well, they'll know what I'm talking about, I hope. 'Madam is a doctor. Madam doesn't know what her husband's name is... Wha-?' *Light laughter*

    Me: *Snickers*

    Mom: Or, or better yet, 'My husband's dying wish was that I never mention his name in public. Because, because he knew I would cry every time I'd say his name.'

    Me: *Bursts out in downright laughter*

    -End of Conversation-

    I haven't laughed like this in a while, and so hasn't my mom, and I guess it's good. I think we're healing, and it doesn't hurt so much. Yes, I guess it's good.
     
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  19. Yeah, funny and cathartic.
     
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  20. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Christ this thread had me in stitches . . . so funny! Thank you.
     
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