There is still hope

Hey guys, so after reading a very depressing story on this site about escorts, I've decided to not go through with seeing an escort for my first time having sex. I'm a 20 Year old male virgin, but not giving up just yet. I remember there is a girl I used to date/go out with as friends and she is a single mom. She is 3 years older than me but I'm sure she wouldn't be against the idea of having sex with me for my first time because we talk about just about anything. I feel very comfortable with the idea of her being my first time, because I know that she will be gentle and take her time with me. Even though she is not a virgin, I'm okay with that because I feel a sense of care from her, she has always been very tender to me and I've always overlooked the possibility of having sex with her because it just didn't register at the time. However we haven't talked in about a month but I know if I message her now she will reply immediately within a few minutes.

So the plan is now to improve myself, fix my sleep schedule, wake up early, exercise, read, drink water, walk outside everyday, get a job, get a car, move out, and make more friends with girls in general. If she isn't available sexually then it's okay, I can see if she has friends/family that are interested, and if not then I will continue to better myself financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, and psychologically until I find someone to lay with and experience my first time without regret. One life to live, but if you do it right once is enough!

 

Because I binged like a MF'er last night, and in the midst of my PMO, my Porn Induced brain led me to that way of thinking that its okay to lower my standards. I really need to stop making decisions while PMO'ing.

 

But I still appreciate that people like you are on here to talk some sense into me and keep me accountable.

 

Solid advice, but everyone on here says it doesn’t matter if she’s not a virgin, but I just think it’s unfair that i’m The only one that’s bringing something that valuable to the table. You only get your first time once. If she has sex with me and has had sex before, then chances are we won’t be together long term and that hurts my confidence in the sense of love, because I’m already projecting what it will be like when we break up.

 

Cause i’m Tired of being taken advantage of my whole life, since a kid, I had “friends” who are males that took advantage of me because I was younger than them. I have a late birthday so naturally I was younger than the guys in my grade. They used to feed me lies about their insecurities and I believed them. I remember vividly one time I had the chance to lose my virginity to a girl at a party. This guy who calls himself my “friend” used other people at the party to get me out of the room with the girl. He ended up having sex with her that night and now he’s posting this glamorous fancy life which I know he does not live on social media and it’s eating me alive. I hope karma bites him in the ass so hard for deceiving me like that. I’m not completely blaming him but I think people like that should have some consequence for taking advantage of me like that. Bro I never did anything mean to him and he constantly tricked me into letting him have his way with me. For that I will never be friends with him again and if he asks me for help I will ignore him. Fuck that guy

And for the girls who are not virgins, I think it’s skewed to them. They can go run around and have sex with guys and then when they’re ready only then can I be the guy they get in a relationship with, when they’re done with the guys who do them wrong they come to me all used up? Nah bro i’m Not gonna let it slide like that. I have to win somehow

 

No, i would most likely have sex with her a few times, get experience, keep her as a friend for life, but go on to sleep with multiple girls.

 

The truth is, I just want to live a fun life again man, I want my life back that was stripped away from me by my use of PMO. My ideal situation would be, I get a girlfriend, she’s a virgin as well. We have sex constantly, stay together for 6-12 months. Break up and I go on to lay many other women in my life until i’m In my late 20’s early 30’s, and find a woman worth settling down with, then start a family and raise them without cheating. Because i’ll Have gotten it out of my system before

 

Why does it have to be that way? Why can’t I get my way, that is what I want and I’m willing to work for.

 

At this point man I really need to figure out what to do, I can’t afford to make the wrong decision and live with forever regretting it. Either i’m Going to find a good woman and keep her close, or i’m gonna get laid with many girls that are sexually active and find a good one along the way. Or who knows maybe I get blessed and it works out the way I want to

 

That’s True man I appreciate your input, and I think that at almost 21, it is still possible to live my dream life. I can find a virgin now, maybe a little younger than me (18-20), have my first time with her and make it special, go on to sleep with dozens of girls in my early to mid twenties, and when I’m nearing around 30, I can always pick up a younger girl (23-26) and she could be the one I choose to spend the rest of my life with. Never quit on Yourself bro.

I realized you mentioned you were 30 and still a virgin, dude that’s some serious patience right there. Stay strong man

 

Right now I feel so weak, my heart is weak, my body is weak, my mind is in a state of mental anxiety overload. I do not know where to start. How did I let myself come to this? I'm ashamed of my sexuality and not comfortable to even say to anyone in real life that I'm a virgin. As I was reading your comments this morning, especially @Gmork, I've realized how sick and twisted I sound. I really need help. My therapist says there is nothing wrong with PMO'ing, but I feel like I want to throw up. I do not deserve any woman at this moment in time, I'm afraid I will scar her as one of those nightmare experiences with a guy. I'm so sick of being so judgmental of others and resentful of the past. Since you guys have more experience than I do, can you please offer some suggestions for me to rise above this mess? I had a Lump of stress I feel in my throat and I feel paralyzed with nervousness. I will never give up on myself, and although it doesn't sound like it, I actually do appreciate you guys being here to remind me things can still change.