There is no rock bottom!

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Reboot Logs' started by PicNick, Aug 2, 2017.

  1. PicNick

    PicNick Fapstronaut

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    Hi all,

    I've been postponing joining this group since a long time. My mind used to fool me "you are in control; you need help when you hit rock bottom". What is rock bottom for a PMO addict? There's none. I post this sort of a confession hoping and even praying that none of you has any of these experiences. Perhaps, many would call one or more of the following as rock-bottom. Yet, it doesn't seem so for me. Here's my PMO history:
    1) I have PMO'd since ever. As a teenager, I'd fapped in a relative's farm being so horny. That was pre-porn.
    2) More than once quite a few times, throughout the night many times.
    3) Each fap binds my mind to more desire for fap. Earlier, I used to feel ashamed till the next urge. My mind doesn't let me feel shame any longer!
    4) I became more and more choosy in porn, since my mind wanted more variety.
    5) When that stopped, I wanted porn audio with sexual conversations to trigger my fapping.
    6) Even that stopped working for me; so, I started hunting online sex chat roulettes, throwing myself naked!
    7) I have got banned many times on Omegle for not even knowing that I was fapping on non-naked sites!
    8) The only time I felt ashamed and held off the PMO urge for a few days was when I was fapping with the camera off on Omegle and came across an innocent girl, whom I had a normal chat with for over an hour. I felt so ashamed as she felt like a younger sister or even a daughter to me who was searching for a friend, while I was hunting for a co-fapper woman. I archived that chat to remind me the days of innocence, but the PMO urge doesn't care.
    9) Since there are hardly any girls online, I fap along with guys online, although I am straight, just because they want to talk dirty about their girls, sharing pics, etc, and want to hear what I would do to to their wife, girlfriend, etc.
    10) I have fapped for gay guys just because their talking good of my straight hard-on kept me going!
    8) I almost paid an girl online who said she would help me fap by fapping with me, but for her lack of microphone to keep me triggered.
    9) I have reached late to classes and office on account of very few hours of sleep due to overnight PMO.
    10) One time I PMO'd thrice through the night till 5 am, slept for one hour and went to class. This wasn't unusual for me. Since I was late, I ran. I was so exhausted with loss of so much energy, out of breath from running, and lack of sleep that I fainted during class. When I came to, I was being taken care of by doctors! You would think thats rock bottom. Sadly, it isn't.
    11) I have lost my erection and whenever I get it rarely, it doesn't last even few minutes, since no trigger works any more. I'd have called that a blessing in disguise, had it not been for fatigue throughout the day!

    NoFap is my last resort. I wake up every day without energy, reading up NoFap hoping to survive the day. So, is there rock bottom? Lets see.

    ~Nick
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2017
    Facundo93 likes this.
  2. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Welcome Nick! I'm glad you're here.

    I can identify with so much of what you said. I can remember being up late, very late, many times -- even until dawn -- and wearing myself out. Fapping again and again, nothing really satisfying.

    This is the right place for you. Keep coming back, and be sure to tap into the wisdom here.
     
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  3. PicNick

    PicNick Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. I'm trying to look at challenges to keep me committed.
     
  4. PicNick

    PicNick Fapstronaut

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    I'm thinking whether I should continue this thread as a journal. So let me try to report my 22nd day here:

    Day 22:
    • Yesterday night at dinner, avoided looking at a beautiful girl sitting nearby when I stood "over her" to avoid lustful eyes fall into her clothes.
    • Woke up in the morning with a memory of a sick dream. No signs of any erection though. However, the reason it is sick is because I am trying to wean myself away from ogling at women. However, this very lust manifested as a dream, where I was sitting with some friends and I saw a good looking waitress across a bar; she walked out for a break. After a while I saw here bending down outside and I could see her fully naked upper part of the body! I turned around and then looked back again, hiding my lustful sight from others. Her beauty remained in my mind on waking up. Thats not good since it can lead to PMO, if not dealt with.

    Here are some additional guidelines on what not to do, or tips to help me and others interested:
    1. Never hunt for objects of lust. I use the word object because although the opposite gender is a person, we end up objectifying the same for our gratification; very selfishly too.
    2. If you stumble on something that brings lust to the mind, don't leer at it, but turn away.
    3. This may be unknown to most, but think of it: never look deep into the eyes of opposite gender. Sounds very romantic, and even innocent, but it is definitely not. It surely eats up the mind. Its just another trap among many.
    4. Do not psub, it is a substitute for P, easier than P, and leads to the same effect.
    5. Slow down breath, exhale more.
    ... had some more, can't remember them all. I'll jot them down when I scribble next.

    I may fail my own guidelines above, and yet, I will NOT reset due to these, since I will wean myself of it. I will resist the dreams too.

    My current state:
    • Not horny
    • Not sleepy (as I was yesterday and slept through the day during all breaks)
    • Average fatigue (unlike yesterday's lot)
    • Bodyache as before, but not many days since I began prescribed Vitamins. Need to see. Avoiding prescribed steroidals thus far.
    The day ahead is long. Thanks to all fapstronauts around.

    Abyssinia!
    ~Nick
     
  5. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    I think that there is no rock bottom; it is just muck and more muck. It gets darker, dirtier, and deeper, until we are so lost we do not care about anything. There is nothing solid down there, but there is even more filth to be lost in.
    Do not go there any more.
     
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  6. PicNick

    PicNick Fapstronaut

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    True that. Thats what I mean too. If one waits to hit rock bottom to admit addiction, it will never be so in PMO. The bottom itself slips from one to another. If I look back and see as to what I would consider shameful, that has gone so low, that I may think innocence as an impossibility!
     
  7. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    I have been pleasantly amazed with the return of taste and values. Normal healthy disgust is returning as I have returned to clearer thinking in the absence of twisted P stimulations. Since I have seen P and know about what's there, it is not exactly innocence, but it does feel good. And I can encourage others to stay innocent or get clean.
     
  8. PicNick

    PicNick Fapstronaut

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    Ah! I didn't mean return to innocence for porn addicts but innocence as a concept for even non-addicts seems impossible from all the filth I bombarded my mind with. Yet, as you say, there is definitely hope even for P-addicts. All in good time, just need to weather the storm. Cheers!
     
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  9. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    Best of luck with weathering the storm. The days add up, the memories fade, and joy returns. Stay strong, @PicNick.
     
    PicNick likes this.
  10. PicNick

    PicNick Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, I truly believe in the "Journey is the reward". A day at a time.
     
  11. PicNick

    PicNick Fapstronaut

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    Day 23: I had a hard on during the night after a long time. The clock read 2 odd am then. I just turned around thinking something good and slept off. No morning wood.

    Spent good enough time on nofap to start the day. Another long day ahead. Hope to continue study that I missed yesterday along with a nap.
     
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  12. PicNick

    PicNick Fapstronaut

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    Day 23: end of the day. I have been writing in the morning, I should shift it to the end of the day to log events. So here is the 2nd log of the day. Not much to write. Spent a most parts of the day here on nofap, reading about others' PMO monsters and relating to mine, or helping out others to help myself. Wasn't feeling well, so slept most of the morning, skipping some important annual function of the institute. Couldn't study as planned yesterday.

    My current state:
    • Not horny, haven't lusted at anyone.
    • Sleepy
    • Average fatigue
    • Bodyache still continues.
    Good night.
    Abyssinia,
    ~Nick
     
  13. PicNick

    PicNick Fapstronaut

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    Days 24: Didn't log yesterday night. Was too tired and slept off. It was a more of a weekly off and I spent much time online here on nofap and doing other useful work. Tutored a friend with her questions on phone, then dined chatting with her. Couldn't study, couldn't nap. Post dinner, went on a couple of rounds of walk around the institute with another chap, and then brought back some books he was giving away to add to my collection. :)

    Last night state: Wasn't horny, wasn't much fatigued, had less bodyache, but was very sleepy and tired at the end of the day.

    Day25: Forgot to recharge data pack that ended yesterday and my ISP sucked up all the money I had on my phone within hours this morning, which would have otherwise lasted more than 2 months!! Be that as it may, I am back online.

    I remember having a good hard-on in the night. Felt good since it might indicate that I am regaining my health. Due to a class less today, I was feeling sleepy and also horny since a couple of hours, so I thought I'll write my journal here till lunch and then come back for a nap, to avoid the PMO pitfall.

    Current state: Only a little horny, some fatigue, some bodyache, quite sleepy. Off to lunch.

    Abyssinia,
    ~Nick
     
  14. Facundo93

    Facundo93 Guest

    It is necessary to take out the rubbish of the mind. I recommend you to meditate. But you have to pay the price. Meditate mades you to discover your traumas and forgotten memories. You will feel rage and you will suffer sign of depersonalization, you will be another person. I said these things because i suffered the same.

    I fapped with shemales, gay and women. I´m straigh and last year i fucked with a men of 60s. I've been to all kinds of sex pages and chats. I'm almost bald because of fapping. Since I do not masturbate, hair gone better. Still i had low levels of energy.

    To recognize and to repent is the first step. I recommend you this audio


    Best Regards. Have a nice day
     
  15. PicNick

    PicNick Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, but I have learnt meditation and I already follow that. My life itself is a meditation these days.
     
  16. holcha07

    holcha07 Fapstronaut

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    I agree, there's no rock bottom. It's an endless hole of darkness. ENDLESS.

    Charlie
     
  17. PicNick

    PicNick Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for agreeing; well-said.
     
    holcha07 likes this.
  18. The Peace Warrior

    The Peace Warrior Fapstronaut

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    [​IMG]

    This is Rock Bottom...
    [​IMG]
     
  19. PicNick

    PicNick Fapstronaut

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    Day 26: Towards the end of the day, about to crash. Had a nice full hard on during night after a long time. Chucked my underwear aside to let the blood flow as it needs. Wasn't feeling horny or to jack off. I was just happy that return of health is hopeful. Although the hard on lasted for a while, it subsided and didn't disturb my sleep or frame of mind.

    In the morning, I felt a little horny, but got over it within some time by logging on here. The dark circles around my eyes from excessive PMO earlier seem to be fading slowly but surely. There is hope all around! Less than a week for me to clock 30 days and go beyond the ongoing holy month.

    Current state: not horny, little fatigue, some bodyache, sleepy.

    Abyssinia, good night.
    ~Nikhil
     
  20. PicNick

    PicNick Fapstronaut

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    Day 27: Wasn't hard this morn, but got a bit hard after scratching a dry skin kind of itch below. Its tough to keep off when the skin itches and once hard I used to get to PMO earlier. Today, I just rested a bit till the hard on went away and then headed for bath.

    Had a busy day but with a good nap in the afternoon. Nothing eventful during the day PMO-wise. In this case, I think no news is good news.

    Current state: not horny, sprained neck pain with some bodyache, sleepy.

    Good night, abyssinia,
    ~Nick
     

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