The War has begun! Time to fight back! 15y/o

Discussion in 'Under 20' started by Actinism, Mar 29, 2018.

  1. Actinism

    Actinism Fapstronaut

    279
    456
    63
    Hey Guys,

    I’m Stephen, 15 years old and PMO addicted for 4 month. Since Christmas I tried to stop but it always got me. This is my second journal in the NoFap-Forum. My first one was a bit chaotic and not so personal but that doesn’t mean I regret it. I’m thankful for that experience and I’m trying to make it better now. My Goals of this NoFap Journey are:
    • Having way more Energy in the school and at home
    • Feeling more confident
    • Becoming more social
    • Being more attractive to girls
    • Learning some new skills in my time
    My Milestones:
    • 7 Days :emoji_ballot_box_with_check:
    • 14 Days
    • 21 Days
    • 30 Days
    • 60 Days
    • 90 Days
    My personal best: 7 Days

    PMO is an enemy. And he might have won the Battle but he won’t win the War! It’s time to fight back! Tomorrow will be my first day after my relapse and I’ll try everything to win this War! Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2018
  2. PurAbby

    PurAbby Fapstronaut

    I’m a fellow 15y/o fighting the same war. Good luck to you brother!
     
  3. Actinism

    Actinism Fapstronaut

    279
    456
    63
    Appreciate it, good luck to you too Brother! It’s a long way but it’s worth it. We are the victims of Pornography so we are the one who will win this war!
     
  4. Actinism

    Actinism Fapstronaut

    279
    456
    63
    30/03/18 DAY 1: A very productive day for me after my relapse. I woke up in the morning and had some breakfast. I also meditated for 10m which is pretty much for me. Usually I only meditate 3m. But after that I felt great and full of energy being ready to do anything. Then I went for an hour on my phone, watched videos or just looked on Instagram (That doesn’t sound great but for me who used to stay 5 hours in the morning on my phone that’s definitely good)and after that I jumped in a cold shower. Cold showers are IMO literally one of the best things to do in NoFap. It gives you a clear mind and it completely shuts down your urges. At 10am I decided to do some work for school even I have holidays right now. So I spent 1 hour only learning math and doing exercises. I also went to a friend called A and stayed till the evening. I learned that being busy is the best tip for all People who want to succeed in NoFap. If you’re only alone in your room you automatically start touching yourself and that leads to a relapse. With that friend A I went to another friend E and we went outside doing random Stuff, talking or just going in the city to some shops. After I went home from A and E I worked out for 45m which was so intense that I’m so done having no energy to fap right now. I watched a film and I’m about to read and then go to bed. I hope to go on and I wish all luck to you fellows outside there trying NoFap.
     
  5. Actinism

    Actinism Fapstronaut

    279
    456
    63
    31/03/18 DAY 2: I think I’ve figured something important about NoFap. Some people just do NoFap and wait for the benefits which is in my opinion a big mistake. All the benefits aren’t a “superpower” you get from NoFap, NoFap is a lifestyle you have to live and all these benefits would be normal for you if you would have never made the decision to start watching porn. NoFap and things like meditation, working or eating healthy should go hand in hand. You can’t really do one thing without the other. So don’t just join NoFap and wait till the benefits come to you, stand up and do something productive like doing some work for school, meeting new friends or just become more social. For me this worked today pretty well, I woke up early, did some work for school and met a friend who I went outside with as today was a pretty sunny day. I also meditated in the morning and evening which cleared my mind. I reduced my time on the phone in the morning from 1 hour to 40mins so I was more efficient at studying for school. With the days of NoFap I’m trying to reduce my time on the phone so much that I can be really productive without any distractions. Kept busy the whole day I haven’t had “too” much free time for porn. I feel with every day of NoFap how my energy in the morning and my confidence is increasing a lot. I’m more directly and say what comes in my mind although that’s not in every situation good. I’m actually way more aggressive which is I guess the testosterone. I’m looking for the fight when I’m outside, I always stare into people’s eyes as long as they look away first. I always wanted to start some martial arts but I was always to shy to hit somebody but with my body full of Testosterone I feel like I should try this out.
     
  6. Actinism

    Actinism Fapstronaut

    279
    456
    63
    01/04/18 DAY 0: Today was for me such a bad day although it was Easter. It started that I overslept and woke up at 10am so the whole morning was literally over. I meditated, stretched and had lunch and after that it was 11pm. So I jumped in a cold shower and then I went with my family to our relatives. We ate their and then talked a bit.
    With the time anyone just did some random things like being on the phone or watching Tv. I had some free time and yesterday I watched a movie with a really hot actress that somehow triggered me so as relapsed. I felt so shitty and ashamed after it so I decided to go out on a walk and think about everything to clear my mind. I thought about my relapse and what exactly my trigger was. Obviously my trigger for relapsing was that actress in the movie I looked yesterday which is pretty bad for me. This shows how less I need to get triggered for relapsing. I’ll try to avoid things like that by only watching movies in that aren’t really sexual graphics. And if there is one I’ll skip it. Anyways I had some cake and muffins in the afternoon with my relatives so I tried to make the best out of the day. In the evening I worked out which was really good. I’m right now pissed off because of that relapse but that should go away. I fell and I have to stand up again and go the slow way of NoFap.
     
  7. PurAbby

    PurAbby Fapstronaut

    We all fall sometimes, we are far from perfect.

    Use the knowledge you've gained from your mistake to last longer next time.

    And also, God can wipe you free of not only this mistake, but any you have made in the past.
     
    Actinism likes this.
  8. Actinism

    Actinism Fapstronaut

    279
    456
    63
    Thanks brother for this motivating words. I know we all fall sometimes but in my Opinion I fell way too often! I have to go completely hard mode now to reach my goals!
     
    DeservedCriticism likes this.
  9. Actinism

    Actinism Fapstronaut

    279
    456
    63
    02/04/18 DAY 1: It was one of my best days. I woke up early, meditated and then jumped in a cold shower which was pretty good. In the morning I tried to be busy so I did some work for school for like 2 hours. I had lunch after that and then I got a bit bored which was pretty bad as boredness can lead myself to relapsing. So I decided to play a bit video games for an hour and then to read a book. I meet a friend A and we went out in the city where we met another friend A. As a group of three we went through the city and had some fun with shopping (yeah I know, pretty weird for boys). After that we ate some kebab, I don’t know if you know it, it’s pretty popular in Germany and then I went home where I watched the movie “Die hard” in which aren’t so much sexual graphics so everything was alright.
     
    DeservedCriticism likes this.
  10. Actinism

    Actinism Fapstronaut

    279
    456
    63
    03/04/18 DAY 2: I don’t really know what to say as today was very weird. I didn’t do as much work as yesterday because I felt a little bit demotivated. I got into a little depression in which I thought about why the fuck am I doing this when I don’t see any benefits yet but I reminded myself that this is a war for a better life and wars aren’t easy at all. The war is bad, there is nothing good about it. The importanst thing are the results maybe some peace, justice or in this case a better life. So after that I thought about my body and what is bad about it (Actually I’m pretty small for a 15 y/o 5”7 and I really hate that). I have to get my shit together and to see the positive things in life and not always the bad. Anyways after that little depression I could move myself to my desk and forced me to do some work for an hour. In the afternoon I decided I should’t just sit in my room and be a worrywart who always sees the bad things. So I went to a friend E where we just hung out, played a bit of video games and went outside. In the evening I tried to watch a film but I didn’t find anyone that really catches me so I watched just some YouTube videos.
    I have to stop my depressions and to do some shit in my life that I really enjoy. I shouldn’t always think about what is bad about my body I should accept it. 2 years ago I worried about me being very thin and now I’ve builded up some muscles I worry about being small. Actually being thin isn’t that worse than being small so I’ll try to go back to that...
     
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2018
    DeservedCriticism likes this.
  11. PurAbby

    PurAbby Fapstronaut

    Your words have motivated me. Thank you! I've relapsed today and I've gained motivation from you!
     
  12. Actinism

    Actinism Fapstronaut

    279
    456
    63
    04/04/18 DAY 3: Actually today was such a bad day. I overslept until 11am and really hurried up as I wanted to do some work. So I had breakfast, meditated only for 2m, jumped in a cold shower which wasn’t as cold as it used to and I ended up sitting in my room playing some stupid video games. Yeah that morning was literally the baddest I’ve ever had. Anyways after 2 hours of playing I took all my willpower and decided to do some work which was okay in relation to the morning. I did one paper full of math exercises learning for a test we’re going to write after the holidays. After that I had an Appointment and went to my dentist. He just checked if everything was okay with my teeth so it didn’t last long. I went to a tailor and gave him my backpack as it broke yesterday. So I went home and ended up again playing video games. This is one of my baddest habits I always end up playing games when I have nothing to do. Anyways after one hours of playing I forced myself to my desk and to do another paper full of exercises. In the evening I worked out but I didn’t train too hard. Right now I don’t really want to build up more and more muscles as I’m only 15. I have already gained some muscles so I’m satisfied about my body. I want my body not to focus on building new muscles but on growing taller. So I won’t train that hard, I just want to keep my muscles and to stay fit. I went also in the later evening with my grandpa out to the field to watch some deers. In the evening I just watched a bit of Twitch. I hope I won’t be as unproductive as I was today tomorrow but although I was very unproductive I had more energy today than in these days in which I PMO’ed.
     
    DeservedCriticism likes this.
  13. Actinism

    Actinism Fapstronaut

    279
    456
    63
    05/04/18 DAY 4: Although I didn’t do work for school today was a pretty good day as I was very busy. I woke up early and was really full of energy that wanted to get out. So I meditated for 5m which actually wasn’t that good as my Energy was gone after it. So I got a bit lazy and played video games for around 2 hours. After that I got a bit in a stressful situation which was definitely my fault. I planed to go a friend F but another friend E asked me if I wanted to go swimming with him and N. First I told him that I can’t because I wanted to go to F but then I made IMO a good decision. I went from 1pm till 5pm to F and in the evening I went swimming with E till 10pm. So I was really busy the whole day as I tried to meet both my friends which worked really well. Unfortunately I didn’t do any work for school because I went so early to F but to be honest I did so much in the last days that a pause won’t kill me. I’m trying to do a bit more work tomorrow so that’ll be okay. Usually public swimming pools aren’t good for NoFap because of all that hot bikini girls and triggers but somehow I managed it. I used to look really at every girl but this time I didn’t give a f*ck about them and concentrated on my friend. I was a lot more confident in the public swimming pool as I wasn’t shy and talked to a bit of people. I noticed otherwise two things until now in NoFap: I’m a lot more aggressive, I really stare people into their eyes until they look away. I used to be one of this guys that aren’t really confident and just do what others tell them but right now I do what I think is right. The second thing is that my voice has started getting deeper. Not to sound arrogantly but I kinda sound like a badass when I’m speaking calmly and loudly.
     
    DeservedCriticism likes this.
  14. Actinism

    Actinism Fapstronaut

    279
    456
    63
    06/04/18 DAY 0: Shit, shit, shit. I relapsed. I feel so ashamed and guilty. Anyways let’s start from the beginning. I woke up early, meditated, had breakfast and jumped in a cold shower within 1 hour. Pretty good start for me. But after it everything went wrong. Our cleaning lady came so I weren’t able to do much work for school as I had to go out of my room. So I went on my phone and played some dumb games sitting in the living room. After the lady has finished I did a paper of exercises which was okay for me. We had lunch after it and then everything went wrong. I had an urge and nothing to do. So you can remember what I did: I PMO’ed. I failed. I now have to think about my relapse, what my trigger was and how I can avoid them. I guess some of my triggers were the girls in the public swimming pool yesterday. I didn’t realize it as a trigger consciously, I just thought I had enough willpower to go through this but subliminally I recognized them as really hot and my brain gave me their pictures in that urge today. Getting rid of an addiction is conscious easy you just have to be convinced that you don’t want to do it anymore. But subconsciously your brain still wants to do it because it’s a pleasure for it. An so subconsciously the brain recognizes everything “sexuall” to turn it into an urge. So I guess the girls were my trigger and I was alone at home and had nothing to do sooo... yeah. Have to try avoid these situation. They are literally the dead for NoFap. I’ll try to not look at any girl under their head and I’ll avoid being alone at home. Anyways after that PMO I went to a friend and we went outside as today was such a good weather. In the evening I worked out but I didn’t give 100% because I was very tired of that Relapse which is pretty sad. I’m not perfect I’m human. Failing is normal and I have to stand up.
     
    Eddy_04 and TheBaeLessWonder like this.
  15. Actinism

    Actinism Fapstronaut

    279
    456
    63
    07/04/18 DAY 1: Wow! As bad as the day yesterday as good was the day today! Woke up early jumped instantly into a cold shower and had lunch. Cold showers are so good I’m giving energy I was very motivated after it to do something. So I first had lunch and then went to my desk and learnt for an English test 2 hours. I was so motivated to improve my English and to learn everything to get a good grade. Usually in the morning I used to go in my room and play some video games till it’s afternoon but this time I was so productive. Idk why but I had such a clear mind, a good focus and I was so motivated. I relapsed yesterday and something was added to my knowledge: I can’t just live my normal life with all my bad habits, just do NoFap and wait for the benefits; I have to change my life and to replace my bad habits with good one’s so my life can constantly get better and better. I had lunch and after it I learned some vocabulary for English and Latin. As today was such a good day in Germany (sunny, 71 Fahrenheit) I went to a friend A and we went outside for 1 1/2 hours. Later I want to him and we played some video games for an hours. I went out with my parents for dinner and I ate a *really* good burger which was so tasty. I went home, stretched, meditated and watch a movie in the evening. After it I just read a bit of a book. I learnt today that how hard a relapse can be you always can stand up and go on having a great time! You don’t have to see everything bad because you relapsed once. Tomorrow I try to keep busy and to prepare for school which starts on Monday after 2 weeks of holidays (hooray).
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2018
    sav vy and DeservedCriticism like this.
  16. Actinism

    Actinism Fapstronaut

    279
    456
    63
    08/04/18 DAY 2: A bit late of an update but I was so tired yesterday that I almost fell asleep at 8pm. Anyways I woke up early, meditated and had breakfast. After that I got a bit lazy and played video games for an hour which wasn’t actually productive. I jumped in a cold shower and was really focused and motivated after it...but as soon as the motivation came it was gone. I went to my desk and tried to some work but I actually couln’t find any exercises to do for that English test. Yesterday I did all my exercises for that topic so I haven’t had anything to do. As a solution I decided to go on a walk for one hour as it was very warm and shiny. I went home and looked up in the internet for some exercises so I did a bit of a work the day. In the evening I worked out which was pretty good for my body. I could transform my sexual energy into that workout so I haven’t had urges after it. I watched a film after that and prepared for school. Later I just meditated and read a book.
     
    sav vy and DeservedCriticism like this.
  17. Actinism

    Actinism Fapstronaut

    279
    456
    63
    09/04/18 DAY 0: Oh wow. Right now I’m in such a hard doom loop. I feel so stressed right now as I’ll write an English exam tomorrow and an math exam on Wednesday. I went into school and learned really hard. In the afternoon I instantly went to my desk and started learning grammar. When I finished I was mentally so down but physically I was full of energy so somehow I PMO’ed. I feel so ashamed right now. My mind isn’t clear at all and so chaotic. Anyways today was a normal day in which I as I said just studied. After all those hours of studying I was so full of energy so yeah. In the next days I’ll try on every day to do some little kind of workout to use all that energy in my body that has come through NoFap. It started today with “only looking at Instagram” and then yeah it went from IG to Porn and then to PMO. I’m so down right today was such a good day in school. I was full of energy in the morning and tomorrow everything will be worse. I feel and I have to stand up! Right now all of my streaks are very low so I have to fight my urges and to win! I’m going to participate at the 7 days challenge from @2525 which should motivate me more to go on.
     
    sav vy and 2525 like this.
  18. PurAbby

    PurAbby Fapstronaut

    I am praying for you. I have a hard time getting into a streak so you're not alone on that!
     
    sav vy likes this.
  19. Actinism

    Actinism Fapstronaut

    279
    456
    63
    Thank you Brother. The days after a relapse are the hardest but stay strong! After a few days it’ll get easier by time!
     
    sav vy likes this.
  20. Actinism

    Actinism Fapstronaut

    279
    456
    63
    10/04/18 DAY 1: Today was a good day! I woke up, meditated and then jumped in a cold shower which gave me so much energy. I went to school and had my English exam on this day but I learnt much and did well I guess. I went home after it and had some lunch and the did some homework in the afternoon 2 friends E and J came to my house and we just did some random things for 2 hours. Later I learned math and did some exercises for my bit math exam tomorrow which I’ll hopefully pass. I’ve been learning for two weeks now and I’ve become really good at the topic. In the evening I just played some video games so yeah I guess that day was okay. I haven’t had any urges at all so it was pretty easy.
     

Share This Page