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The story of a fetish addict.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by The_Don, Dec 11, 2018.

  1. The_Don

    The_Don Fapstronaut

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    Hello to everybody, my name is Don, yes I'm not afraid or ashamed anymore about this. I'm 20 years old, I have PIED and performance anxiety.

    I discovered NOfap exactly 2 years ago, It has been a tremendous journey with a lot of ups an downs. I began fapping 5 years ago, 2-3 times a day minimum to femdom, foot fetish stuff, facesitting and many others. It is something horrible to think and I feel ashamed everytime I need to grab some paper to clean the mess. My largest count of days without fapping has been 120 days, that equals to 4 months, (that was a year ago) but I did'nt have any girl to which I could rewire.

    I can count up to 3 times Ive been with a girl and nothing happened, and yes I can get a 90% erection when we are kissing and having fun, but that erection last for a minute and is not an "excitement about sex" erection, is just mild arousal withheld by scarcity. I've not penetrated but I've had some blowjobs with no O. My problem might be more perfomance anxiety than PIED, but PIED is certainly there.

    I've been 2 years listening to your stories and taking motivation out of them but never really told mine. Today i think is the perfect day to do it. Here's why.

    Two months ago I met a girl and we fell in love, she came everyday to where I live and we kissed, eat together and all that little things that people that like each other do. She told me how much she loved me, she confessed me every sexual fantasy she had (I couldn't do it). One day we were watching Netflix together and we started kissing a lot and very strong, I had a 60-70% erection. I grabbed her by the hand and lay her in the bed she removed her pants, her ass was beautiful, her smell, her hands and feet, all was perfection to me, but my mind wasn't there fully, I was not aroused of the idea of penetrating her in that moment so,I her my story, not like I'm doing now, but just why I could not get it up. I was very happy because she understood me 100%, we kissed, I had a cigarette and we went to sleep. Days passed by and things were still the same, sometimes she came home and I touched her, she told me how horny I put her, but that was really it . We had coffee together and she told me how much she loved me, overall I was having a great time with her.

    But last week she sends me a message telling me that she was not sure about what this relationship was, that she sees me only as a good friend, that she was very sorry. I was completelly shocked, I asked her the reasons but she didn't have any, I even asked her about if it was because we didn't have sex, she said no. But after days of thinking I realize it was really this reason, girls like to be desired, and how can she be desired by a man that can't fuck her. Some of you can relate, but this has been very difficult for me to manage, days ago I was pretty much done, having sleeping pills like skittles and drinking vodka while I smashed every furniture of the house.

    But today after days of crying I became strong, I've read a couple stories identical to mine, with the same type of porn and situations, and I'm here to complete the journey with you. If I've managed to reach 120 days why the F i can't do it again?. Im here to put my balls on the table and make a statement, I want to have healthy and normal sex.

    Special thanks to @balkanic_falcon, his story is my inspiration.
     
  2. Thank you for sharing your story. You definitely found motivation to stop the PMO. Make your plan strong and get to work brother.
     
    The_Don and anewhope like this.
  3. Hank Moody 99

    Hank Moody 99 Fapstronaut

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    Well the biggest mistake you made is that you didn't share you'r story.If you said to her that you have PIED problems and try to explain you'r weird sexual behaviour maybe she will understand and help you.As for advice when you get a girl please share with her. As for now well its all under the bridge contiue you'r life and abstain from porn and as for ED this will not go away fast I would recomennd not mastrubating like long long time maybe 2 years .But having sex is okay but no mastrubate .
     
    The_Don and learning like this.
  4. yyz33

    yyz33 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I hear ya man that's rough. You know what to do. you are only 21 so you have much room to grow and have years of great experiences lying ahead. Just stop porn now and learn. P blockers if you need em I certainly do. If you want to know which ones hmu
     
    The_Don likes this.
  5. And a good advice - you could always start with oral. You can please her without stress about your erection and other stuff. Ask her to instruct you how to do it during it (faster, slower etc.). She have some needs and you should care about it.

    Good luck, friend with your resolutions :)
     
    The_Don likes this.
  6. Thanks sharing, Very inspirational story. Its time to have real intimacy and stop objectification!
     
    The_Don likes this.
  7. The_Don

    The_Don Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for replying, I'm 19 days in :)
     
  8. The_Don

    The_Don Fapstronaut

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    I know man, I wasn't aroused at all when I was with her so I didn't do nothing. It really sucks that she dumped me for this reason, I'm still very depressive tbh and it's only been 3 weeks.
     
  9. Rockemsockemrobots

    Rockemsockemrobots Fapstronaut

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    Your so strong, good man. Maybe you should go see a doctor and get some physical tests done to see what else could be wrong. I hope you the best success in your nofap journey though and im in this journey to.
     
    The_Don likes this.
  10. Question..do you exercise? How is your diet?

    Stay strong bro...you are doing great.
     
    The_Don likes this.
  11. @The_Don

    Hello Mate,

    Women love to be desired. That is the reason why they dress and behave they do.

    1. Don' t be ashamed that you could not fuck her.
    2. She could take it that she is not "hot enough" for you.
    3. When with a girl, give it some time and get real connection.

    Real connection = It won't be a big deal even if first sex is not great.

    She needs to see that you care. The rest will click later.

    It seems to me that you put yourself under a lot of pressure and the doubt killed the urge.

    You are not damaged goods.

    Regarding those 120 days, there are just 2 things you should know:

    1. Never put yourself in the situation where you can fail.
    2. Circumstanced don't matter.

    You see feelings change and we fail because of feelings.

    I have done 160 days without porn once.

    The idea is not to watch porn ever again. Not to masturbate and rebuild your life.

    Good Luck!
     
    SK81218 and The_Don like this.
  12. The_Don

    The_Don Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man, I dont think is a physical problem, everyday I wake up with a morning wood that lasts 15 minutes or so. I wish you the best too, Im 23 days in or 24 I cant recall, Im here for you if you need it brother.
     
  13. The_Don

    The_Don Fapstronaut

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    Before starting this streak my diet was literally shit, and I didn't do any exercise. Although Im pretty lean and visibly healthy. After day 1 of this streak I began doing heavy bag work for 45 minutes a day, (that is really helping a lot to release anger and sexual energy). And my diet is pretty clean. Hope that helps :)
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  14. The_Don

    The_Don Fapstronaut

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    Thanks brother, I really wanted hear those words from somebody. I think most of the problem is the anxiety that i build from past experiences and for having this P addiction. Im 23 days in right now and Im talking with a girl that gave me a blowjob couple months ago and she wants to meet me some day in January, probably to have sex. Its a girl I'm not very attracted to, but do you think It might be a good opportunity to try myself out?

    Again thanks.
     
  15. wontwatchpornanymore

    wontwatchpornanymore Fapstronaut

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    You'll do it. Me too. No excuses, this has to be a successful story. I sympathize, you read my story, I know what if feels.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  16. Rockemsockemrobots

    Rockemsockemrobots Fapstronaut

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    Thank you!
     
    anti femdom likes this.
  17. balkanic_falcon

    balkanic_falcon Fapstronaut

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    Sorry my brother for not reply for some months.

    How are you now? Are you there now?
     
    anti femdom likes this.
  18. balkanic_falcon

    balkanic_falcon Fapstronaut

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    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...f-struggle-victory.171121/page-4#post-2202402

    Anyway, first of.. You must stop to smoke, brother.

    I never did it. I also don't dirnk alcohol. It don't helps about your erection.

    I'm glad that i was your inspiration and look.. After 7 years of struggling with femdom, i have the most wonderful, relaxable and enjoyable relations in my life. Yes, i am able to have normal sex, and you will too.

    Write a note to yourself and read it in morning, in a noon and before sleep "I AM HEALTHY". Bro, believe me, you are. I know that you are, i am, because i was. It's all about DECISION. Please, please believe me brother. You are stronger than you think that you are.

    I would really like that you are near me and that i can easlily explain you that i am right with it. You have no idea how i am calm to other people.

    Please feel free to ask whatever you want in private messages bro.
     
    anti femdom likes this.

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