The road to being a good husband/father

We had our first baby a just under a year ago and for the first 4 months i did not watch any smut online. I have always wanted to quit since mid 20s (now 33) and as the years passed, i felt more and more shame, regret and a huge hit to my self image when i watch porn online. After the baby, things are still stabilizing for me and the mrs are still getting a hang of parenting and that has caused stress in our marriage with baby and 2 demanding jobs which has caused me to indulge in porn regularly. The longest i have gone so far is a week maybe. Every time there is an argument, i resort to watching and go on binge.

My huge double standards : I have asked god for forgiveness for this. Last year i caught my wife watching porn and got so hurt. She felt bad about it and we havent spoken about it since then. I cannot judge her when i watch it too but i feel ashamed of having a double standards.

The four months i went without watching porn after our daughter was born, i was so happy. My self image was so high. I could interact with people much better. When i watch porn i can hardly keep conversation with people and something eats me from within. I dont even know what it is but i can feel it.

Any positive/tough love advise is welcome.

Thanks

 

Thank you!!!