The reason I am gonna start seeing shrink again is...

I am kinda fucked up in a head. I long for a relationship, a woman by my side and not just a one night stand. Then again, I am technically a virgin and have never been in any kind of relationship so I don't know if my opinion would differ after. Thing is - I had opportunities. A woman showing interest in me actually sets me in biggest panic mode.

Just this week I had a great time at the local club. She was beautiful and it seems we were really hitting it off. Long talk with good vibes and then some awkward attempt at kissing. She then went dancing with her friends and I know I should have come with her but I just froze. And this is something that happened many times before . I experienced fight or flight and just left as soon as I could without even saying goodbye, like an total asshole.

At that moment I realized I am my own worst enemy. It really wears me down and I really don't know how to get past it. But I am determined to. Last 2 days were so strange because I am experiencing highest of the highs followed by shameful lows. I can see through all my excuses and I just cannot keep repeating this cycle. This is just something I had to write in order to clear my head a bit. I wish you all good luck, and much love.