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The pressures & responsibilities of dating during reboot.

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by MetaGame, Jul 29, 2018.

  1. MetaGame

    MetaGame Fapstronaut

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    So I noticed a lot of thoughts/bad logics are motivated by certain emotions/urges behind the curtains. That we then ofc try to justify. Some people talk about it and it diffuses the situation. Others seem to double down on the emotion. Protecting it and claiming it as part of their identity. I wanted to process these and share what happened yesterday

    It appears the pressures tend to be very split among threads in tiny variable issues. I'd actually like to list some of em and use a level of understanding to help myself and others sort through the stress, dissonance and issues. Up to recently I'd had amazing and fruitful streaks but in such cases i was either single or in regular contact with my gf and the relationship was on a rise as it were.
    Recently however I havent in over a month till yesterday and we didnt talk much and it was kind of like being single but still walking around with the responsibilities of the relationship. So during this time I thought about quite a bit as certain thoughts and feelings were in an extreme mode.

    Porn urges - I am bored and I want some quick dopamine fixes. I just want to not feel this way and distract myself with beautiful women. Is that so wrong?

    M - Probably wont see her for a while. So why does it even matter that much. Maybe i just wont use porn

    O - Chasing the O ... during being apart u know if i were with someone else I could prob get regular sex. Or when I am planning the date or I am with her ... she wants to fool around. I should be setting up situations or taking her back home by any means necessary. If u dont u will miss ur chance to O and then u will have blueballs and also ur urges prob wont get better.

    Increased hunger - look at all these women around me. I am not a promiscuous person but i feel like my hormones are putting me on the prowl. And i havent watched porn in a while so suddenly the female form is quite apparent to me.

    Increased attraction - look how many girls/men are more into me now. maybe i shouldn't be in a serious relationship.

    Motivation - We get increased motivation generally but how much of this is productively spent on the relationship? I mean relationships fail. I have my life to deal with. I should self develop more and not split my focus.

    Everyone has their own variation of these inner thoughts or triggered urges that send intrusive thoughts into ur brain. Thoughts that u arent consciously thinking. However u want to frame those thoughts or negative aspects of urself is up to u. Shadow, ego, whatever. It exists in everyone whether they want to admit it or not. Unless they are very unaware of it or its very incorporated into the way they think already which is scary sometimes because its hard for some people to seperated those thoughts from their own. Its like when a schizo takes the voices too seriously.

    Porn urges- I already made a post on how abundance mindset is a major hack for this however many would agree u need to be out doing something. There is something a famous psychiatrist said like The question isnt why we drink ourselves into a coma or why we do cocaine or why we get addicted to porn or why we eat ourselves to death. The real question is WHY DO WE DO ANYTHING ELSE? Its kind of like asking why a lottery winner would spend his millions. And the answer to that is really having goals , sub goals and meaning not to. We dont do these things because we know we have something good to offer the world and to gain from the world beyond those pleasures.
    Its not that I want porn more than a real woman or my gf. Its that porn requires no work. But ofc ur only robbing ur ownself and giving the porn companies ur time/money and making urself weaker. Its not that looking at beautiful women/men is wrong. Its that u have way more important things u should be doing and shouldnt spend ur neurochemicals on pixels while people in real life need u , while u need u.

    Masturbation - However natural it is. It opens up the porn gate and also it drains u. And if u masturbate even tho u wont see her for a while. If u get any penile issues u will hate urself. If u dont stay motivated to see her because u have already touched ur ownself then ur robbing urself. Being with ur gf while ur in nofap just feels better than being with her knowing/feelin that u masturbated recently.

    Orgasm - THe reason ur doin nofap or have a gf is not to have orgasms. Orgasms are fun, they feel good and u will have em. But stop forcing it. U can create romantic situations but not be focussed on that end result so much. enjoy the company and feel lucky ur with someone u care about. Besides ur rebooting, not having sexual pressure is a good thing to reboot because then u wont get chaser effect or be thinking about sex all the time.

    Increased hunger- this will stabilize. And ur eyes will wonder. But dont stare, dont fantasize dont spend conscious seconds feeding into it.

    Increased Attraction - U know even when I was with my gf yesterday buying food, this food server was giving me the eyes. And I was trying to ignore it but my gf noticed and found it funny. And its like sure but what ur feeling notice is just potential interest. Being with someone else or entertaining other women usually just adds problems and u dont know what issues they have that u will have to deal with .Same with men, everyone comes with baggage and changing lanes is not the answer if the main reason ur thinkin about it is to shirk responsibility.

    Responsibility isn't bad. This nofap responsibility is for ur own good and the others around u. When u have certain thoughts and emotions. try to understand em or discuss em openly. Just like ur urges can be temporary so are ur emotions sometimes. Don't act rashly or use things as an excuse to do worse/fail.

    Thanks for the space to share these thoughts.
     

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