The Porn matrix you live in but deny

Quick update guys.

I relapsed hard last couple days.

What I have done is basically blocked (K9 web filter) porn and adult content from my PC and Lap top which has done me absolute wonders. What a great tool! However what got me was my xbox. Im hardly ever on it but fires it up to watch nextflixx, got side tracked looking through my apps on XB1 and noticed my web browser and boom!! Satan started to influence me.. Ive been basically PMO free since August of last year and I live alone so I've really come along way in my will power and steadfastness. However, this is how criminal this disease is. The moment I nonchalantly noticed an opening (involuntary) my mind wondered. This is after 8 mos of NoFap/PMO. I immediately felt overwhelmed because my mind suddenly picked up on the Microsoft web browser and started playing tricka on me. I caved!! And I've PMOed 5times in last 3 days after an 8 or 9 month no fapper.. all because I found an opening to the web without filters..now that I have remembered about this open browser on my Xbox I know there is an open door to fap and it plays with your mind. Im pissed off!!

So I've been feverishly trying to find a way to take it off but there really isn't a way. I have blocked adult content but Im the admin of my xbox and I know the passcodes to unblock. Frustrating. With my K9 web protection tool my ex girlfriend set up the passcodes so I can't unblock them.. it has saved me a lot when I get uncontrollable urges. However.. since there really is no sure fire way to block or remove web browsers from my xbox I might just have to sell it and get it out of my house.

However I will say this. Im not discouraged too much because my body has really had a lot of time to heal and rewire over these 8mos.. 1 small binge session won't just destroy my hard work.However... Im getting myself back on the saddle now and firing up another Nofap streak and get right back on track. I made great strides.. In reality I've likely PMOed 7 or 8 times in the last 2years and both relapses I binged. Those 7 and 8 were not scattered. There were 2 instances where I binged for a couple days each and about 8 months or so in between each binge. I have made great strides over all and Im not going to allow myself to quit now. Im proud of myself and will allow this to get me down. I've done this with no steady girlfriend while living totally by myself so I have a lot to be positive about.

Well my boys.. relapses aren't the end ofthe world. They should make you feel like shit because you failed but I use it for fuel to lock and load again. Also lets understand something.. when we have relapses after really loooong times of no PMO we are really fixing ourselves and our mind and spirit so don't allow a relapse to hold you back. We need to be going to war with ourselves. This is not easy guys... we need to understand that this has got a massive grip on our minds and the minds of millions of us.. maybe billions. We need to go to war with our impulses and desires and I refuse to allow this to control my life. I fucking REFUSE!!!!

 

You got it bro.. the thing about getting into harder material is it really takes you out of your normalcy which will really cause issues with your wife or girlfriends down the line. Trust me.. I know you might be intrigued by harder stuff but that's what the mind does. Like a drug.. looks for more stimulating things once the old habit becomes dull. So you venturing is exactly creeping you into deeper lows. My bro.. take my word for it.. just stop. You either win over yourself or the things of this world will.

Time to go to war with yourself bro.

 

Sounds like a good idea. Writing things down is beneficial.. especially about certain matters.I will try this. Thank you bro.

 

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