The Porn Goddess

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by ZenAF, May 2, 2019.

  1. newman97

    newman97 Fapstronaut

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    I agree with superman when he says "Good luck without blockers. Let's see how far you get" IF you have no accountability partner or group (NoFap) to fall back on.
    When we're alone is when our negative thoughts can kick in and cause us to relapse. Without very strong mental toughness, abstaining is difficult for anyone who's bored and has unlimited access to this enticing yet toxic content.
    Stoneyman22, I'm also having great success avoiding porn while just relying on my own will. Porn is available to me, but I've come too far and wasted too many years to slip up again, and now with this site, I feel as though I have an outlet to go to for help and positive encouragement. Also, in posting, I feel as though I'm sharing my thoughts and helping others, which is another good aspect of this platform.
    I hope everyone is staying strong and doing well.
    -newman
     
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  2. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Likewise but I know I have made lots of changes too. If porn blockers were the only change I had then it would be a bad solution.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2019
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  3. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    Yea this site has definitely helped me to stay focused. No accountability partners atleast not any that have stayed with me so far just using the whole site for support and it seems easier this way.
     
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  4. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Wow that sounds hard core. Good for you for taking the initiative to go there. How was the stay at the sex addict treatment center? Did you enjoy it?
     
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  5. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    I don't think they do. They may contradict some conclusions which are read into the research based on deterministic world views.
    My friend, you do know that we don't understand where free will in the brain arises, right? We don't even remotely understand the nature of consciousness. So you presenting the research in such a manner as if we know how the brain changes in such a way that free will is "hijacked", I know for a fact, is based on non-existing information. And therefor is an interpretation of yours and others, not factual knowledge.
    And I'm sure they had psychologists who made you understand the nature of your addiction and worked with you to change your believes because professionals like them of course know, that 7 weeks of abstinence will never quench the desire of an addict.
    You keep referencing free will as a brute force method with phrases like "be strong enough". But the idea of this thread is to make you understand that it's not about clenching your teeth and fighting off your urges. It's about realizing where they come from and changing the way you see what you desire so you stop desiring it in the first place. We don't perceive our own psyche as a network of neural connections with thicker and thinner pathways. That's a good perspective for a scientist to map the brain. But an individual who wants to modify his own psyche should use a psychological approach. Instead of disassociating yourself with your addiction and just seeing your brain as an overheated machine that needs to cool down. It's more complex than that.
    Dude if you go jerk off at a PC which isn't your own you got other problems than mere addiction. Why would you ever look up porn on a strangers PC? The social implications of getting caught should be reason enough to not even think about it.
    And I appreciate your input and patience.
    To the moon baby!!
     
  6. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    I've been reading James Clear's interesting book Atomic Habits and I came across a section that felt especially relevant to our discussion about filters and blockers.

    Clear tells a story about how heroin addiction among troops stationed in Vietnam hovered somewhere around 20%, with nearly 35% having at least tried heroin. But when the soldiers returned home, only 5% of those addicted continued to use. The dramatic change in their environment made a huge difference in their behavior.

    Clear writes:

    "The Vietnam studies ran counter to many of our cultural beliefs about bad habits [and addiction] because it challenged the conventional association of unhealthy behavior as a moral weakness. If you're overweight, a smoker, or an addict, you've been told your entire life that it is because you lack self-control--maybe even that you're a bad person. The idea that a little bit of discipline would solve all our problems is deeply embedded in our culture.

    Recent research, however, shows something different. When scientists analyze people who appear to have tremendous self-control, it turns out those individuals aren't all that different from those who are struggling. Instead, "disciplined" people are better at structuring their lives in a way that does not require heroic willpower and self-control. In other words, they spend less time in tempting situations.

    The people with the best self-control are typically the ones who need to use it the least. It's easier to practice self-restraint when you don't have to use it very often. So, yes, perseverance, grit, and willpower are essential to success, but the way to improve these qualities is not by wishing you were a more disciplined person, but by creating a more disciplined environment.

    Here's the punch line: you can break a habit, but you're unlikely to forget it. Once the mental grooves of a habit have been carved into your brain, they are nearly impossible to remove entirely--even if they go unused for quite a while. And that means that simply resisting temptation is an ineffective strategy. It is hard to maintain a Zen attitude in a life filled with interruptions. It takes too much energy. In the short-run, you can choose to overpower temptation. In the long-run, we become a product of the environment that we live in. To put it bluntly, I have never seen someone consistently stick to positive habits in a negative environment.

    A more reliable approach is to cut bad habits off at the source. Once of the most practical ways to eliminate a bad habit is to reduce exposure to the cue that causes it.

    • if you can't seem to get any work done, leave your phone in another room for a few hours
    • if you're continually feeling like you're not enough, stop following social media accounts that trigger jealousy and envy
    • if you're wasting too much time watching television, move the TV out of the bedroom
    • if you're spending too much money on electronics, quit reading reviews of the latest tech gear
    • if you're playing too many video games, unplug the console and put it in a closet after each use.
    Self-control is a short-term strategy, not a long-term one. You may be able to resist temptation once or twice, but it's unlikely you can muster the willpower to override your desires every time. Instead of summoning a new dose of willpower whenever you want to do the right thing, your energy would be better spent optimizing your environment. This is the secret to self-control. Make the cues of your good habits obvious and the cues of your bad habits invisible.
    In other words, for a porn addict wanting to change his life quickly and efficiently, a filter just makes sense.



     
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  7. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    This reminds me of a study they did with rats. If you put a rat in a cage with nothing but regular water and cocaine water they will overdose and kill themselves. But if you have the same situation, with regular water and cocaine water, but also rat toys and rat friends, there is a significant reduction in cocaine use.

     
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  8. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    I agreed with 100% of the authors’ premise and findings. I’m not knocking porn filters but respectfully, I don’t think a porn filter is enough of a change to demonstrate the addict is now in a changed environment.

    Frankly I liked your personal example of environmental change much better ; I think you described attending the outpatient center. Focusing on thinking, diet, exercise, social interactions, challenging your previously held premises or mis-beliefs. The change in environment was stark.

    Would you equate that kind of significant environmental change to an addict using a porn filter ?
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2019
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  9. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Wow. “the opposite of addiction is deep meaningful connection?!”

    Gonna chew on that one today.
     
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  10. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    Zzzzinger!! xD

    I understand the degree to which we bind our habits to our environment due to many personal life experiences. So the argument to change your environment in such a way that you live the way you're supposed to instead of surrounding yourself with traps is generally speaking a good idea.
    However the devil's in the detail as usual. The question is: Do you want to live with blockers for the rest of your life? Because if the answer is YES then by all means you're very right to install the blockers. But if it's NO, then we're talking about a different scenario than the book author is talking about. The veterans who went home didn't go home temporarily just to go back to Vietnam and do heroin again, they stayed home. It was a permanent solution.

    So what I'm saying is you can't train your brain to not use porn without blockers while you have blockers installed. So either you have them installed for the rest of your life or never, otherwise you're wasting your time.
     
  11. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    aw the rats are so cute :)
     
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  12. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    my takeaway is heroine and cocaine are okay as long as you have friends :)
     
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  13. Why even put it there in the first place? There is no need to have it!!!
     
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  14. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    Dude it's the freakin goddess, we all came from this beautiful beings known as woman. Gotta get used to seeing them at some point lol
     
  15. We didn't. I sure didn't. I'm a half God who tormented the nations until that Moses killed me. Damn you, Moses, damn you!
     
  16. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    lol yah naw maka the sense mon, god naw a real mon. smoka da chalice n see jah truth
     
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  17. newman97

    newman97 Fapstronaut

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    This was a huge eye opener for me. The recommendations at the end of how to change your environment and the effects it can have on your habits is what everyone on this website should understand.
    Minimizing the activation energy to engage in a bad habit is crucial in achieving your goals. This week I'm going to look at my environment and makes changes as necessary. Peace.
     
  18. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    It's true man when you do cocaine with rats you turn into a coke rat too.
     
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  19. newman97

    newman97 Fapstronaut

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    Word
     
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  20. newman97

    newman97 Fapstronaut

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    ZEN, what would you say are your top few reasons/methodologies/habits for getting to 150+ days? I'm at 30 days of reaching my goals and would like to follow in the steps of someone who seems to be on a pretty good and steady path. Thanks.
     

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