The Porn Goddess

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by ZenAF, May 2, 2019.

  1. bigboibez

    bigboibez Fapstronaut

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    You're right

    I had my last exam today and today i say goodbye to the internet indefinitely until I can honestly say that I no longer want or value porn and truly believe it, and have no doubt.

    Blockers are a strange one. You dont change your mindset or your lifestyle, but it does reduce the ability to PMO. I know this isnt a long term solution as PMO is really a reflection that i need more from life. Moping around wasting my life on the internet has lead me to this. During this journey I am going to fully make myself realise PMO is a useless waste of time. Its all well and good knowing the downsides of it and other people telling you how to feel, but at the end of the day you need to believe it to quit PMO.

    The issue for me in the past was that I was motivated after a relapse but the longer i went on the less i was motivated and the more i wanted to give in. I have tried over a year off willpower and honestly it doesnt work. I dont have a strong enough why and my lifestyle doesnt compliment nofap.

    At this point i genuinely am willing to forego youtube, video games and social media in order to quit PMO. Even if my mind wants porn, there is no way to access it. I will dispel all the myths and make sure that i no longer want PMO. Honestly by the end of it im sure i will wonder why I even used the internet so much anyway.

    I wish everyone here good luck. But if youre like me and have tried and tried, i think you should just stop internet access. But dont just do that, change your lifestyle and change your mindset. And no internet access will give you the time and space to achieve that.

    Next time i come on this site will be when i am sure i have conquered porn in my mind and in my life. Until then i wish you all the best and good luck.

    See you on the other side
     
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  2. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    I don't trust myself because I actually know myself. I know that left to my own devices and with no restrictions, I will relapse. In terms of "trusting my decision to make a recovery", I'm not even really sure what that means. I don't need a huge measure of trust to understand that being addicted to porn is no way to live, and that it needs to change.

    That's a great point. Blockers are always considered "crutches." What about any other tool someone uses? Are meetings a crutch? Are accountability partners a crutch? Are the NoFap forums a crutch? I think if you're going to be so judgmental about one tool of recovery, you might as well be judging all of them.

    I think the point is that it shouldn't be an argument to begin with. Blockers aren't a part of your recovery? Great. Knock yourself out. But a lot of people find immense value in them, and I'm not about to tell them they're being weak by using them. It takes strength to recognize your own weakness and to do something about it.
     
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  3. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    I say whatever works for you or floats your boat, that's the best method to recover. Blockers or not everyone is different.
     
  4. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Good luck brother! I hope you have a fun and productive time without internet!

    Let us know how it was when you finally come back online
     
  5. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    I didn't call anybody weak who uses blockers. But from my perspective I think it's a flawed pathway and that's why I argue against it. We have discussions here for a reason, it's not about seeing who's right, it's about putting forth arguments and figuring out if they hold their water together. So we can go forward with the best tools possible. You can of course withdraw from the conversation and say "look I'm just gonna use it". But I invite you to make a solid case for it for your and others sake.
     
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  6. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    Do blockers and filters really need a more solid case?

    Do alcoholics conduct their recovery from the inside of a bar? Do drug addicts recover when they're living in a crack house? Neither should porn addicts expect to recover if they're living in front of an open internet connection all day.

    Over time? Sure ... an addict gets used to not seeing porn, gets used to being denied that instant dopamine hit, and little by little his (or her) brain starts to heal itself. With a healthier brain (particularly a healthier prefrontal cortex), it will be much easier to "be the filter himself" and abstain from porn even on an open internet connection. But at least for the first few months, there needs to be a strong barrier between the addict and his drug.

    We call addictive behaviors compulsive for a reason. When it's truly an addiction, you cannot simply willpower your way to sobriety. This reality is maintained by professional therapists, CSATs, and just about every bit of literature you can find in the 12-step programs. That's about as strong a case as I've ever seen.
     
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  7. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    If it works for you that's great man. Alcoholics can't make the alc go away from the stores neither can porn addicts erase all the worlds erotic content from their lives. It's something you must learn to live without.
     
    ZenAF likes this.
  8. newman97

    newman97 Fapstronaut

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    This is a really good perspective. Thanks for your detailed post, as it's given me yet another reason to not relapse, and some questions to ask myself when I have urges to fall back into my old cycles.
    I hope all is well.
     
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  9. diep

    diep Fapstronaut

    Jesus said it your eye causes you to lust, it is better to pluck it out. I have seen so many addicted people can't rely on themselves to recover. That's why we have accountability partners and blockers in place. And if the whole world is normalizing porn and considering it normal to masturbate and lust after other women, I still want to use blocker to block the stuff that makes me relapse. I don't want to have any business with GOT or other movie that makes me to relapse because of its popularity and everybody else are watching them.
     
  10. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    No, you can't do anything about the alcohol in stores. No, you can't erase porn from the world. But you can keep porn off of your personal computer and your phone, and if you're an addict, I'd say that's probably a smart idea. But anyone who thinks they'll be better off with open access to it, knock yourselves out. See how far you get in sobriety.
     
  11. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    I've been getting along just fine without searching for porn, thank-you very much.. If you really wanted to you could just look on a friend's computer or take the blockers off man. Just sayin.. the strength must come from within, you can't artificially force yourself to stop with these pseudo barriers you're getting all worked up about defending..
     
  12. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    I'm defending them because there are newcomers in here who need help. And telling them "you just need to use your willpower" isn't going to do jack for them.

    And they're not pseudo barriers. They're barriers, as in legitimate barriers. Can I turn off my internet filter? I sure can--and my three accountability partners will get an immediate e-mail that I've done so. If you set it up right, it shouldn't be easy to circumvent. Right now, I can't get porn on my phone, no matter how hard I try. I like it that way. I'm interested in shoring up and strengthening my vulnerabilities, not testing them.

    And I would never recommend using a porn filter that the addict has control over. That would be no different than locking up a bunch of alcohol in a safe, and then giving the alcoholic the key--duh.
     
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  13. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    haha Alright man, you got it all figured out I'll leave you to your filters. I guess maybe some of us just don't see eye to eye on the necessity of getting into a porno playpen. No amount of accountability partners can control your actions brotha, you've come this far because you chose to and you will or won't go any further for the same reason.
     
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  14. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    They aren't meant to control my actions. They're meant to influence my actions in a positive direction.
     
    stoneyman22 likes this.
  15. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    If they happen to delay your recovery by a great deal, yes.
    1. You have no idea and no way to measure when you reach the point when you can remove the blockers. 2. You need to remove the blockers at some point if you ever want to live without them. 3. You are overestimating the amount your brain "heals" and underestimate the power of association. Your brain learns to not watch porn when there are blockers. When there are no blockers it's a different situation for your brain and you will need different approach to resist the urges. Which is actually the hard part. So the danger is that blockers can give you the illusion that you made big improvements when really you didn't.
    The thing is there IS a program. If it was just about giving you a time off the vice to cure you, why would there be any programs at all instead of just sobriety cells? The problem with terms like "compulsive", when you get down to the core meaning of it, is that it shifts the responsibility for your actions from your own will on to your neurobiology. Which means you're bullshitting yourself. You can't tell me that there was a single time when you had urges and your hand moved on it's own, opening pornsites and your pants and it was physically impossible to stop it. That's a fairytale. You know very well that each time you could have stopped yourself but you did the cost/benefit analysis and decided that you can get away with it one more time. I'm not saying it would have been easy to stop it, I'm saying it would have been possible.

    So I guess I'm mainly criticizing the blocker method because it's grey thinking. You kinda believe in free will but also not. That opens the door for your unconscious to take over.
    While on the other hand going on a forum, talking to other people isn't circumventing your free will, it's about releasing stress, finding hope and the best way to deal with the addiction.
    Actually understanding that you do have willpower, which means you are responsible for your actions, is the only wisdom that you can't ignore if you want a way out of this.

    I had blockers installed for 8 month.. they did help me to not PMO sometimes. But as soon as I've deinstalled them I could feel that the part inside me that really had to change, didn't, but was just sitting there waiting for it's next opportunity. Because I didn't change my believes, I didn't do any mentalwork and thought, like so many newcomers, that all I need to do is to abstain for long enough and my brain will get rid of my addiction for me. Unfortunately it's not that easy. And no, you can't do the mental work with blockers installed, because you will never know whether you've changed your opinion about porn until you have free access to it but choose to not use it anyway.
     
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  16. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

  17. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    People should know that these comments ^^^^ basically ignore the vast majority of addiction research.

    Your understanding of addiction is so off that I doubt you've ever truly been an addict. Addicts can't choose. Now, initially, for a period of time, yes, they have free will. But over time, their brain chemistry changes dramatically--these brain changes are why virtually all addicts see escalation in their use and/or behaviors--they need more of the drug to get the same 'hit'. Once your brain chemistry has been hijacked, there's virtually no recovery by sheer willpower. You need outside help. This is why many addicts need things like interventions.

    It's not to say the addict isn't responsible for getting help--this isn't a license to keep destroying yourself. It's not "oh, it's just my brain chemistry, therefore you can't hold me accountable" ... no ... an addict may not be able to resist porn, but he sure as hell can find ways to keep it out of his home.

    I speak with credibility on this. I spent 45 days in inpatient treatment at The Meadows, the best sex addiction treatment center in the world--the same place Tiger Woods and David Duchovny went for treatment. It was founded by Patrick Carnes, who was the pioneer for sex addiction research and remains probably the most respected expert on it.

    When I showed up, I was able to call my ex-wife and let her know I arrived safely. Then I handed them my phone, and I didn't get it back for seven weeks. I didn't have internet. I didn't have a TV. There were no sugary snacks or soda. Their goal was to deny us all the things that would spike our dopamine. They wanted us to have the best shot at beginning to heal our brain chemistry.

    If any of their treatment staff heard an addict say, "I'm not going to use any filters or blockers, because I just need to be strong enough to resist it without filters," they'd take you to task and ask why you're wasting their time.
     
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  18. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    Of course you can do mental work with blockers installed. You won't always be in a place with filtered internet. You might be at a friend's house. You might be in a hotel with a business center. My apartment complex has computers in the community center. Those are perfect places to see if you're getting stronger internally. But I don't see any value in having a completely open internet connection in your own freaking home.

    I've said as much as I can say on this topic.

    For those of you who insist on not using blockers, once again, I say go for it and see how far you get.
     
  19. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    I ran out of likes thanks to you damnit.

    Seriously love the post you made ; you should speak up more. I see the thread is currently focused on the efficiency of porn blockers and I highly respect SuperFan so I hate to show dissent.

    For me i think to use porn filters makes sense to use it like a steroid. You can boost your willpower back to life , but beware of depending on them. It can be a false positive of recovery.

    So empowering an individual to take back their free will from the death grip of their lust is more about free will than solely life without porn.

    The same argument of empowerment can be against slavery , against poverty, against institutionalized discrimination. What an individual believes drives their actions. Compulsive actions oft repeated at their core contradict a person’s belief system. Eventually we arrive at the question : am I going to remain enslaved or going to get free?

    For me, sex was designed not by evolution but by the creator originally and this passage marries both concepts.

    I say this as a SA and PA.
    I ain’t gonna be nobody’s bitch. Not even my own imagination’s. Especially my own desperately wicked heart’s.

    24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:

    free will versus Slavery.
    Right on my man.
     
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  20. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    I guess there are different levels of addiction because I'm having great success avoiding PMO without any filter other than my own will.
     

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