THE LACK OF A GIRLFRIEND IS WHY IM ADDICTED TO PORN AND MASTURBATION

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by LonerWolf, Jan 31, 2019.

  1. LonerWolf

    LonerWolf Fapstronaut

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    THE TRUTH FOR ME.
     
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  2. Committed to One

    Committed to One Fapstronaut

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    Actually you have that backwards.
     
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  3. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Everything is in caps, it must be serious.
     
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  4. LonerWolf

    LonerWolf Fapstronaut

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    Im fucking tired of being lonely. Its impossible to escape this fucking addiction, being a feminized little shy faggot. I take cold showers, I read 30 mins a day, I’m vegan.

    The porn addiction along with my skinny fat body are fuckin pains.
     
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  5. LonerWolf

    LonerWolf Fapstronaut

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    Already have filters and everything. I cant go out i have no friends.
     
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  6. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    I have no moral to say this but calling yourself such foul things are not going to help you or make you look like you are worth helping. I do feel lots of self-hatred too but instead of complaining online I accepted my situation in a more serious and less victimistic way and started putting effort in changing what I think is wrong about me. The results are unsuprising, but it is the fact that I started what really matters.
     
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  7. helpmefromaddiction

    helpmefromaddiction Fapstronaut

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    I can definitely relate to this. As well. I hate being an introverted shy guy who has a skinny body and waste time on video games
     
  8. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut

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    All these problems are solvable. There are people dying off terrible diseases, and they can't do anything about it. Imagine being in that position. You would forget all your issues and realize how you could've got rid of them. Similarly, also imagine yourself when you're old and at the end of your life. Get in the mindset of that older you, and think "what should I have done to get where I wanted?". Right now the problem is that your mindset and disbelief. When you're dwelling in your misery, it's hard to see that things can really change. But once you start improving yourself, and see the positive changes, your mind opens up.

    Think of improving your life as snowballing. At the moment, you feel like you haven't even made the snowball. Then you make some change which will set the foundation for everything, and that change will turn into other different bigger changes. Now you're snowballing.
     
  9. LonerWolf

    LonerWolf Fapstronaut

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    I’m not introverted, im extroverted and I said skinny fat, not skinny. Porn makes me a fatfuck with low confidence.
     
  10. fapdroid

    fapdroid Fapstronaut

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    It's a chicken and egg problem you have there. You are addicted to PMO because you are single. You remain single because PMO addiction affects your self-esteem. I thought I'd get over my addiction once a girl came into my life. Since then, 3 have come and gone. Each time, I cut back (never quit) at the start of the relationship and as soon as the honeymoon period was over, I was back at it. I blamed them or stress or whatever was the scapegoat of the day, instead of taking steps to do this for myself. Now I am doing this for myself and trying to be ready for a relationship whenever it comes my way, instead of trying to fix the ship mid-sail.
     
  11. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    It's tempting to think that. But it's not true. Let me explain…

    Addictions start because of a problem. Specifically, the inability to deal with your emotions and problems in a mature way.

    You're only 17, so it's hardly a surprise that you struggle to deal with your problem. In addition to being immature (because of your age), you're also a teenager, which is an extremely difficult time in your life. That's just the way it is for humans, because during your teens, your brain goes through extensive rewiring.

    Well, you have problems (who doesn't?), and those problems have various consequences. One of those consequences is that you have no friends. Another is that you think poorly of yourself. Another is that you find yourself unable to attract a girlfriend.

    Now, if you had a mature way to deal with your problems, you would seek to uncover what the underlying problems are; find ways to solve the problems; and, as a happy result, find ways to deal with the consequences.

    Unfortunately, maybe because of your upbringing, your culture, your community, or whatever, you don't have that sort of skill (yet). Instead of trying to learn the right skills, you are seeking temporary relief from the pain that the consequences have caused. It's like taking a painkiller when you have an arrow in your leg, but leaving the arrow in place to fester.

    For relief, some people turn to recreational drugs (like alcohol or heroin). Some turn to violence. Some turn to porn and masturbation.

    And that creates a new problem. The drugs (in your case porn and masturbation) make the existing problems worse, and then create new problems.

    So…

    Your inability to deal with your underlying problems is why you are addicted to porn and masturbation, and why you have no friends, and why you lack a girlfriend.

    Does this make sense?

    When a drug addict comes off his drugs but fails to learn how to deal with his problems, he just goes back onto the drugs. The same will be true for you. You can do a 90-day hard reboot, but if you fail to learn new skills, you will end up relapsing just as so many other people do.

    Now, you'll ask me, "Well, what can I do about it?" That's a great question!

    First: Start your 90-day reboot. I won't pretend that it will be easy, or that you'll succeed on your first attempt. But trying to learn new skills while still taking drugs (in your case, porn and masturbation) is so very much harder. While you are on your reboot, even if you keep slipping but you keep trying again, you will find it easier.

    Second: Get therapy. I cannot emphasise enough how important this is. There are many therapies to choose from, and I suggest that you do as many as you can afford. If you depend on your parents, you might find restrictions there as well; it depends on your parents.

    Here are just some of the therapies that are available; you can find information on some of them on YouTube or elsewhere, while for others you need a trained professional:

    Your GP; counselling; meditation; CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy); hypnotherapy; mindfulness; yoga; NLP (neuro-linguistic programming); matrix reimprinting; systemic constellations; clinical psychology; EFT (emotional freedom technique). There are many more.

    Some of these therapies will work great for you, some will work a little, and some won't work at all. Unfortunately, because everyone is different, it's impossible to say which ones.

    Third: Take responsibility!

    Some people think that "take responsibility" means "take the blame". It doesn't. It means that you make a decision that you will take control of your life, and make it work. It means that you don't wait for someone else to make it better (whether or not it's your fault), but instead make a plan now and then do it now.

    You are in an awful state right now. Decide whether you will sit back and let it continue to grow worse and worse, or you are going to make it better and better.

    It will be tough. You will struggle. I know that I struggled! But you will be grateful that you made the effort.

    Good luck!
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2019
  12. xxmemel0verxx

    xxmemel0verxx Fapstronaut

    Take it easy on yourself, this is not how you solve problems. If your really into trying to get a women, then go out and ask them out. Easier said then done, but try it out, rejection is not the end of the world. You don't need friends to do this, you just need yourself. And I suggest you invest in a gym membership, trust me, it's one of the best things you can do to change your life. Add 30 pounds of muscle, and people wont even recognize the old you.
     
  13. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    Not true for me.
    I think he got that right.
     
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  14. motion2082

    motion2082 Fapstronaut

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    I'm vegan (although I eat chicken once every 2 weeks) weigh 66kg and can relate to your skinny fat insecurities. I started going to the gym on Dec 24th and haven't looked back since. Lifting heavier every week and slowly building up my strength again. NoFap has given me the motivation and energy to keep going. I'm still skinny and need to put on another 10kg which is hard for a Vegan. My girlfriend/fiancee/friend of 10 years sleeps in the spare room in the house. We don't really love each other anymore but try treat each other with respect until we figure out where our lives are going. I lost my job last year and was self(un)employed for 10 months which caused a lot of my weigh lose and relationship issues. I'm introverted too, don't have many friends and used to play a lot of video games. I loved PMO because it was an escape from my non existent sex life and it allowed me to sleep with all the woman I wanted to sleep with (in my head) I still get tempted by P but I have made it this far. Still I'm lonely and want to love someone again. I just feel that a skinny mid 30's guy who is losing his hair and working on minimum wage isn't really good enough for anyone. Hope that helps show you're not alone
     
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  15. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut

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    Last year's April, I was weighing 51 kg while being 180 cm tall. A few months later, when I stepped on the scale again and saw that I now weigh around 60 kg was one of the first times that I've felt normal. Currently I'm 64 kg and gonna gain another 10 kg aswell. I'm becoming maybe a little bit skinny fat aswell, before I was just skin and bones. I'm fine with this, I can always get abs later when I have the mass I want.
     
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  16. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Everytime i read something like this i have to smile. And here i was, 5 years ago, with 65kg on 169cm. And i thought i had problems back then.
    Nuts guys. Loads and loads of nuts. IF you are sick and tired of nuts, eat more nuts.
     
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  17. Minsc

    Minsc Fapstronaut

    Hi LonerWolf,

    I remember being seventeen and a loner and it can be hard. Being thirty seven and single is not easy either, though I have more than just the ladies on my mind these days. As you go through life you'll see bits of advice pop up over and over.

    Here's an important one, having a girlfriend will not solve my problems. Women are not a magic pill, they are people too and have their own issues.

    If this makes sense, keep improving yourself but don't do it for the ladies.

    The best advice I can give is to hold off looking for a girlfriend, you don't need that added stress today. Find ways to get out and make friends, both male and female. What interests do you have?
     
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  18. UKGeezer

    UKGeezer Fapstronaut

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    I was vegan for a bit. It was catastrophic for my mental and physical health. When I reintroduced animal products, it made a huge difference. Many others report the same. I care about animals sure...I just care about myself one hell of a lot more.

    Most people I know who never got out of veganism are in an awful state physically, and are extremely feeble mentally as well- but they are so psychologically attached to it as their identity that they are in complete denial, living in a kind of alternate world inside their own heads. They also tend to seek out simplistic arguments re. nutrition etc that appear to make perfect sense on the surface- as most well presented propaganda does, especially when we're looking to confirm our worldview.

    I'm not going to get into a big debate about it. Just offering you an alternative perspective.

    Keep fighting.
     
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  19. motion2082

    motion2082 Fapstronaut

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    Went Vegan for 6 months in 2017 and the same thing happened for me. Severe depression and anxiety. Went from 73kg to 66kg and was deficient in Vitamin D. Replacing Soy with Dairy meant my testosterone levels got hit with all those estrogen hormones. It got so bad that I quit my stable job and was self(un)employed for 10 months living on $200 a week. Took a lot to pick myself up out of that rut. I don't blame Veganism as that was just one part. PMO/High Caffeine consumption and Soy intake added together with a poor Vegan diet (potato chips, frozen meat free meals and lots of peanut butter) made it worse.

    I eventually started eating Chicken again, gave up the soy and added a B12/VitD supplement and started to feel a lot better. I still eat mostly Vegan but if I want a piece of meat really bad I go out and buy it. Where I think Veganism has gone wrong is they should be promoting the 80/20 diet. 80% plant based and 20% chicken/fish based. Don't agree with Beef/Lamb/Pork because of the way they treat the animals before they're slaughtered. It's weird though why you feel better eating meat. At the end of the day everything in moderation
     
  20. 4DCreator

    4DCreator Fapstronaut

    Read the blue text under my comment. Don't call yourself names because your self-hatred will deepen. Start to love yourself.

    Some vegans can become depressed. Read about veganism more to make sure you get all the right vitamins and B12 and so on. I have seen at least 5 vegans on youtube they were vegans on youtube for 3-4 years and then went back to meat as they were deeply depressed and had weird healthy symptoms.

    Masturbation is not because of a lack of girl or woman or sex or anything. It is because of voiding your painful reality. You learned this way. You must learn another way. There is a time, NOW. Even if you find a girl today you will only be addicted to her as she will be here for you to avoid your boredom. You must become fully happy a full person with yourself and then you should look for a girl otherwise you will be putting her on the pedestal and she will be controlling you through sex (as women will sense when you are down and addicted to them, therefore in this stage you would most likely attract some toxic one with a controlling narcissistic personality behavior)

    People are masturbating because their life is boring. They have no tools/skills to make it fulfilled to they are voiding this painful boredom by fapping and watching porn as it gives them dopamine and it is self-medicating making them feel as they are achieving something.

    Trust me that if you are going to travel, have a successful youtube channel, eat fantastic new foods every day, meet new people every day, you will be a life coach and people will be calling you daily for paid advice (I am saying as an example) you won't ever think of fapping even if you won't have a girl. It is about how you can satisfy your senses, create self-love, create a meaningful life, connections with people - therefore dopamine without fapping. There is nothing like that in your life, is it? Think about it.
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2019

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