Gumption: The ability to decide what is the best thing to do in a particular situation, and to do it with energy and determination. This is my second or third "official" journal of my recovery, depending on how you want to measure. I recently completed a full year without watching pornography and without masturbating. I had an uncountable number of instances of viewing Psubs like Instagram, Facebook, etc..., especially early on in reboot before I learned to recognize how difficult Psubs can make recovery. At the very end of my year of abstinence, I finally disclosed my secret addiction (PMO and cybersex) to my wife and to my closest lifelong friend. Before that, my NoFap journals had been my only "disclosure". Typically, when I talk about "recovery", I am speaking about recovering my sense of well-being. I sometimes even use "recovery" as a generic term that includes discovery as well. To me, "recovery" includes many areas of my life that extend even beyond the problems associated around PMO. This includes health (mental and physical), fitness, intimacy, career and finance, communication, spirituality, etc... Here's a very limited list of the tools I've incorporated in my recovery: traditional talk therapy EMDR EFT CBT stretching (have not done any formal yoga however) NoFap (journaling, reading and interacting on countless other journals) FitBit yourbrainonporn.com countless web articles fine art body-weight exercises and other high-intensity athletic training meditation (unguided) books ("When Panic Attacks", "Feeling Good", "Wherever You Go, There You Are") I'm sure there are many other tools that I've used that are slipping my mind at the moment. This isn't meant to be an exhaustive list, it's just what I can easily recall right now. At it's heart of hearts, I believe in hindsight that my addiction issues with PMO (as well as drugs/cigarettes and other addictions earlier in my life) have been based on deep-intimacy issues and my attempts to avoid the emotional risk that type of intimacy poses. This likely stems from beliefs I formed around my father's suicide when I was 2, and the many events that rippled from that. As I continue to dig deeper into myself and my past, it's become clear to me that I had developed a belief that I was somehow unlovable in being my true self. Like many (all?) people with variations of sexual addiction, I had confused love and sex, often compulsively seeking out to be sexually desired, when it was in fact a desire to be loved in my rawest, most vulnerable form that I most desperately wanted. It's only now, after I have completely revealed myself humbled, vastly flawed and with a new understanding of emotional maturity to my closest loved ones, that I have begun to properly learn to receive that unconditional love and not to run from it or seek it from improper sources. I realize that the way these words are falling over the page sounds very much like some type of robotic response I've been programmed to recite in some rehabilitation clinic somewhere. Don't be fooled - I'm not under any false spell. These are in fact my real thoughts, beliefs and observations. I take recovery very seriously. I plan to use this journal to record my path through a second year of abstinence, which will undoubtedly contain certain new challenges that were not logistically present during Year 1. Thankfully however, I have already done a lot of heavy lifting concerning addiction in my life. If you are in an early stage of reboot or curious about how I arrived to where I am today in recovery, feel free to read through my previous journals or any of the other fantastic and inspiring journals here on the site. I think this is enough of an introduction for this journal. I look forward to seeing what this upcoming year has in store for me, and I'll do my best to record what I find most relevant to this journal. You are a worthy and lovable human being, equal in these measures to every person on this planet - I promise you. Just wanted to use this space to clarify or remind you. Thanks for reading.