The guilt is done.

Hi seuqsiaw, I think only you can ask the question of what your goal is and why. I see you have set your counter for 10 days. That is doable.

But let me address "shame" first. Many porn abusers attach an element of shame to watching, a moral element. I suggest you do not do that. By the time this problem becomes an "addiction" there is no moral element; you experience porn, your brain releases dopamine. It is Pavlovian, like a dog drooling when it smells food. Cause and effect. Stimulation and response. If a bang goes off near you, you jump. If you are pinched, you recoil. If dust hits your eye, you blink. If you experience porn, you release dopamine. At this point you are not choosing to release dopamine--don't get me wrong, you like it, because as a species we like it--but you have no choice in the release. If you see porn, you get the drug.

Now, let's work on your 10 days. Have you gotten educated yet, have you studied the problem? You will never beat the problem without studying it. Getting clean takes months. That is nothing to the years it took you to get where you are. If you have to take even a few days to study the problem, study it.

Spend a few hours here:

yourbrainonporn.com

Watch this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_RIm9ZMN1I

Get tools. Put on a K9 blocker now. Put obstacles between yourself and the problem, make it difficult to get to the problem. Don't quit passively, quit proactively, quit aggressively. If you have to get angry at the addiction, get angry at it.

Study why porn is so fascinating--dopamine--and study why we have so much trouble quitting it--dopamine withdrawals. Here is a link for that.

http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-does-withdrawal-from-porn-look-like

You need to take control of this part of your life. Quitting porn cannot be done while keeping porn in your life. If you think it is a toy that can be picked up and put down casually, you are deluding yourself. Don't delude yourself. You can get clean but you have to want to get clean more than you want to stay on the drug. That is incredibly difficult. I know.

Good luck on your journey.

 

seuqsiaw, no one quits the first time. No one. I spent 14 months trying to quit before I found the Wilson vid, and when I finally understood that porn had nothing to do with sex, but was 100% about abusing brain chemicals, quitting became....the hardest f***ing thing in the world. It CAN be done, but after years of keeping your dopamine spout on high output, it is difficult. The main thing that got me through it was knowing what that hellish feeling was. I don't know if you know it, but the part of the brain that gets rewired by porn is a part of the brain that interprets things in terms of survival, of living, of staying alive. That is why it is so hard to quit; on some level that part of our brain actually makes us think if we don't get it, we will die, we will not survive. You have to study the problem to know you WILL survive, and that is just your dopamine soaked brain trying to scare you into taking another hit.

Get the K9. Quit waiting on that. Quitting sucks for between 30 and 90 days, and even after that, there are bouts. But if you can get clean for that long, I promise you this problem starts falling into the category of what clothes am I going to wear today--personally important, but hardly overwhelming.

Peace.