The girl i met at work

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by itz_gioc, Apr 23, 2019.

  1. itz_gioc

    itz_gioc Fapstronaut

    I just don't understand women sometimes...

    I've been working at this warehouse for about 7 months, and about 2 months ago the HR hired 20 new employees. I ended up teaching and helping some of them out for about a couple of days. I spotted a really attractive girl from the new hires and ended up talking to her a few times. Next thing I know she's been giving me these looks and signs. She was always asking for my help and was consistently talking to me about random things. I really enjoyed talking to her. But the problem was that she has a boyfriend... She told me that on the 2nd week. But that didn't stop me from interacting with her. About last month she told me that her boyfriend is about to leave in the summer and move somewhere in the mid-west because of his job. I was like "Maybe its for the best.." She felt bad because they knew each other since they were in kindergarten. So this was really hard on her. She is still debating about moving with him or staying here to help her family.

    On that same day after work, I invited her to eat out with me. Since everything felt right I wanted to express how I felt about her. Everything felt perfect, so I told her "Can I be straight up with you? I really like you..". I felt all this dead weight finally dropped on the table with those simple words... I had wanted to know if she really felt the same (this was bothering me for a whole month). She smiled at me and we stared at each other for like 10 seconds. I was smiling and trying to stay cool while waiting for her answer.
    She looked at me and then she said
    "I kinda figured you would say that..." Then I responded, "Well, yeah it felt obvious because most our co-workers would always see us hanging out."
    She responded, "No wonder you didn't feel guilty about my boyfriend leaving...BUT I DONT THINK ITS GOING TO HAPPEN..."

    I didn't know what to say after that. I just looked down on my menu and tried to stay cool with her response. Then she said "I'm sooo sorry if i hurt you or if I gave you the wrong intentions.. Let's just forget we had this conversation and remain friends.."
    Then I said "Oh ok... It's fine, I'll be okay. If you really feel that way its totally cool. If your happy then I'm happy..." I felt so crushed by my response... I felt we had this connection and vibe going on... Like what happened to that?

    The following week she ended up not talking to me... Not even a simple "Hi". I had no idea what I did. Every time we spotted each other, she simply looked the other way... I seriously had no idea what I did wrong...I didn't want to ask why because it looked like she was trying to get away from me. I thought we were cool about just staying friends...So I'm just really confused about it. It's been bothering me for about a month now... It's still going on to this day. This is just crazy. A couple of times we just say "Hi" and that's about it now... not even a conversation... Most of my friends and some of my co-workers suggested moving on... I've tried but every time I see her..she gives me flashbacks.. and it's hard to move on from that. I've ignored her week by week to diminish all those times we had with each other. I tried going out with friends, working out, attempting to meet new people, and just trying to be productive. But I still feel empty inside.

    What am I suppose to do now...? I'm stuck working here for quite some time and I have to see her at least 3 times a week. I was hoping that we can one day talk about something... but I realized we're past that now. It's been a while and I'm starting to hate it.

    I've been on this NoFap journey after that night out with her. Hoping it would change how I look at things and attract someone better...This is probably the most emotional run in my life by far... I just feel like crap now. I haven't PMO'd for about 3 weeks and it's been so difficult each day. I've been repressing my emotions for the past month and didn't want to say anything to anyone. I don't know what else I can do right now...
     
  2. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Good for you.

    You told her how you felt. That’s called being a man. Hell yeah.

    You sound like a badass my friend.
    You need to find a way to feel comfortable with liking her while she will reject you.

    Women have the choice but you cannot control your emotions easily.
     
  3. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

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  4. skibum71

    skibum71 Fapstronaut

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    Hmmm. You developed feelings for a girl. You told her and she rejected you. And now you guys arent even talking.
    I know it hurts like hell but honestly by pretty much ignoring you she is doing you a favour, and i think you probably know this. If you had been friendzoned your whole life would be consumed by the wish that somehow things will work out with you and that she will change her mind, which ultimately prolongs your pain and disappointment.
    You tried, and sadly failed. It happens. Put it behind you and move on. Keep busy and over time the disappointment will fade away.
    Good luck!
     
  5. itz_gioc

    itz_gioc Fapstronaut

    Thank you

    And you're right I've been friend-zoned multiple times...
    To be honest... I'm starting to get mad at myself for falling for someone who just used me like that. And it pisses me off. All my life I've always tried to find the good in people and help others. I have aided my co-workers, donated change to homeless people, and overall tried to help others when they are needed. Yet people like her have to ruin my mood and feelings.


    Okay... to be honest I learned something about myself today after reading my story again lol. I shouldn't fall for women or put them on a pedestal. I should only care about family and friends. Most women focus on themselves and it is rare nowadays to find a decent woman out there.

    I've decided to ignore them unless they come to talk to me.
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2019
    captainteemo and hd47 like this.
  6. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    Well, she has a boyfriend, so I'd hope "it's not going to happen". [​IMG]
    This seems like a good idea.
    But this does not. [​IMG] It might be good to not actively look for a partner for some time, or not at all (it depends on your personality whether you should or not, I think), but simply ignoring women? That doesn't seem sensible to me. [​IMG]
     
  7. Helpneededpeace

    Helpneededpeace New Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry this happened to you. But the lesson is, when someone has a boyfriend, just stay away. The problem is people are flirtatious and some just do it because they like attention and they feel value from being wanted but have no intention of ending their relationships. She may have liked you, but when she realised it was getting serious to you, she suddenly realised it was way too real, the fun was over and she didn't want to hurt the person she's known since kindergarten.

    So it's not so much you it's the situation. But again I hope you've learned the lesson. If someone has a boyfriend, don't entertain flirtation. Distance yourself from them.
     
  8. itz_gioc

    itz_gioc Fapstronaut

    Yeah your right. I learned my lesson this time. It was my fault for taking it too seriously.

    I’m gonna try working on myself. I can’t focus on women lol. Like I’m open to a relationship, but I don’t wanna give them so much attention.
     
    JB333, delhiboy and CH3RRY like this.
  9. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    The whole experience is completely alien to me except the "Let's be friends" and then be ignored. It happend to me with my ex-girlfriend, after a month of not knowing anything about her she appeared and told me that she did not hate me and wanted us to be friends, I accepted but we only talked one or two more times until she disappeared completely. I think she felt guilty about the way we broke up and wanted to ease her mind by contacting me again after the break up, when she felt she could go on without any trace of me, she went away to avoid feeling negative again.
     
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  10. itz_gioc

    itz_gioc Fapstronaut

    Yeah it's very confusing... although i learned a lot about myself from this experience. After a whole month of doing this challenge, I'm actually glad this happened. At work I see her talking to other new guys now, trying to get their attention. At the same time ignoring me still for reasons unknown. This NoFap challenge is changing me physically and mentally. I actually don't care at all now. I feel happy at the same time not caring what other people think of me. I feel confident now. Like around 2-3 weeks in i felt so depressed.. I wanted to relapse sooo bad. I had urges almost everyday. I just had to tell myself to trust the process. Now its officially been a month. I feel great! The key to NoFap is patience and consistency. I never thought i would reach a whole month.
     
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  11. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    There was another guy in your same situation here on NoFap. He is an insane man-child who has no intention to see reaility. You on the other hand approached the situation differently and in a mature way, and that fills me with joy. Get one of my rare likes.
     
  12. Dr.LoveLength

    Dr.LoveLength Fapstronaut

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    You went in for the kill too early. but its not to late depending on how hard you got friend zoned and what your intentions are. Wait for the bf to move off the scene and once he is out of the picture then it wont take many lonely nights before shes craving intimacy that a skype call just wont cover. Re-establish the connection with her and keep vibing till enough times passed and her need for pleasure outweighs the guilt.

    Went through something similar a good few years back. Met a girl but she had a long term boyfriend. How long did her loyalty last you wonder? took 2 weeks of him being back at uni before I was banging his girl out.

    Long distance is recipe for heartbreak, use it to your advantage...
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  13. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Love this guy.
    Lol.
    Don’t hate the playa hate game baby.
    Bombaclot! Haha


    Much respect.
     
  14. TrueSaiyan

    TrueSaiyan Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry to hear that man. I read a similar story the other day where this guy like a girl, but then out of the blue she tells him she has a boyfriend. If they were friends from kindergarten then of course she'll have he heart set on him. The best thing I think for you to do is move on and not say hi.
    It might seem hard but the push and pull might take affect, but if she doesn't get on with life and enjoy yourself. Be proud that you were able to make a accomplishing statement to her and let her know you're feelings. I give you props for that man.
     
    itz_gioc likes this.
  15. Dr.LoveLength

    Dr.LoveLength Fapstronaut

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    I agree, putting your feelings out on the line like that takes some bold courage... but with that being said its generally a very poor move it terms of building attraction.
    Its like playing poker and showing your hand to your opponent before going all in. Attraction towards someone is not something you should state with words in the early stages. Otherwise you end up in the situation he is in now and shes affraid to talk to him because she knows he gets attached easy.
     
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  16. itz_gioc

    itz_gioc Fapstronaut

    My coworkers and friends mentioned I should have established my intentions early even when she has a boyfriend. So it really depends on how people look at things. Tbh all I wanted to know is how she felt about us. And from there build on it. But she doesn’t talk to me at all anymore. And I don’t plan to say anything back lol. Moving on would be the best thing to do. She’s flirting with other dudes at my work, trying to get their attention while I’m still there. I think it’s just crazy how people can be like that. I’m not gonna dwell on it tho. There are more important things out there.

    I learned a lot from this experience I’m not gonna lie. I’ve been told if you want something go get it. If you wait too long it will be too late. So I might as well go all in and let her know lol.

    But now I know what you mean. Your right I should have played a long with it until it’s an official break up. Thanks for the advice. Next time around I won’t make the same mistake. I can tell you that much lol.
     
    Freeddom_Taker likes this.
  17. Dr. Mario

    Dr. Mario Fapstronaut

    Absolutely horrible advice right here. Unless you WANT to be a playboy, stealing girls and ruining relationships all for some cheap sex. You certainly won't get any lasting relationships this way, because if she's disloyal to her bf, she'll be disloyal to you too.

    Best advice has been from @Helpneededpeace . If she has a bf, stay away. She's literally going to use you for your attention.
     
  18. EatCake

    EatCake Fapstronaut

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    Hate to be debby downer but aren't you suggesting he basically use this chick's vulnerability/lonliness to his advantage? Isn't that kind of, idk, selfish & borderline predatory?
     
  19. EatCake

    EatCake Fapstronaut

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    Jesus fuck, I pray you don't have a daughter.
     
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  20. Dr.LoveLength

    Dr.LoveLength Fapstronaut

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    This is how you grow and learn dude, can only go down as a positive learning experience. Isnt worth persuing a girl thats being flirtatious with the guys at work for a serious thing anyways. Wont be long before she does the dirty on him
     

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